OK, here you go.
Midday in Mid-May during the week. I was at my parents home when teenage delinquents decided burglary was a pretty good idea. They were walking down the alley, looking into all the backyards. “It just didn’t look right” to me as I watched them from a window. Then I watched as they entered backyard. Now it was game on!
Dad called to the cops, I grabbed my grandfathers Rem. Model 11 1905 Automatic shotgun with the full-choke long goose gun barrel, and quietly went out the garage to avoid detection, circling around into the large backyard behind them.
Standing at the glass sliding door, one had a screwdriver, the other hadn't a clue. Instead of being the lookout, he was watching his friend and never saw me coming.
I later found out that in those few seconds they were close to having the door open.
Then the spoiler arrives. I stood just inside the gate blocking their exit, and popped the safety off and simultaneously announcing myself loudly. Both looked shocked seeing an adult with a shotgun blocking their only exit (6’ solid fences), about 50’ away. They walked towards me leaving the screwdriver in the doorjam. Both claimed they were looking for their friend “John", simultaneously saying multiple times "Is this where John lives?". I asked “John who?” They couldn’t agree on John’s last name.
I leveled the gun at them and released the slide to make that very clear, audible and unmistakable “I'm in deep ....” sound, telling them to STOP!!!. One stopped in his tracks with his hands up. The dumber
("genius") of the two continued to approach and just touched the muzzle. Bad move. I used a swinging circular motion to clear the muzzle from the little genius' hand, (while quickly considered bashing his head or poking him in the eye with it, or … … … … would I actually pull the trigger and get splatter on my T-shirt).
(Yea I really did think about explaining to my Mom how I got blood and guts on my T-shirt for a millisecond- that's kinda weird in retrospect)
In that literal split second, I decided and took action. Magically in that defensive / offensive sweeping motion of the gun, the muzzle ended up painfully and exactly on top of the little genius' nose, with me yelling “ON THE GROUND NOW!!!!”. The kid froze put both hands down. (I think he peed himself). I pushed the Remi a little harder into his nose, quickly looked to his friend and said “Tell your friend goodbye, he’s about to die.” The friend said “Hey (name) get down he’s serious”. And he got on the ground, spread eagle and wondering why he skipped class that day. I made them slowly crawl to the front yard so the police could more easily find us. One told the other they should run. Brilliant idea. I told them I’d shoot both if either got off their belly. In the slowest orchestrated crawl you’ve ever seen, both complied.
We waited for the Dallas police. Seemed like more than 30 minutes, but in the report it was only 25. That period that must have seemed like an eternity to those two.
As the police pull up, I lower the gun and lean it against the fence and keep my hands in clear sight. 1 undercover and 2 uniforms showed up at the same time. The one with the sore nose tells the cop “hey arrest him, he was going to shoot me”. The officer tried hard to suppress his chuckle but couldn't, then told both boys “you know he could have legally killed both of you”. They handcuffed them and put them in car.
The officer and I exchanged information, where he told me I should have waited a few more seconds and let them get in the house, then ’there were more options’. The detective later told me they had them for attempted burglary, but if they had actually opened the door and gone in, there were several felonies involved. She seemed disappointed I didn’t give them a few more seconds.
In retrospect, I really didn’t really want to chase kids through a house, and glad I didn’t have to pull the trigger. And I’m glad I didn’t give them more time to rack up charges.
Turns out they were both stupid teenagers cutting class, hoping to score some $$$’s, who I hope, had enough excrement scared out of them to clean up their act for life. I’ve often wondered. I hoped they turned out well.
Yep, that’s a true story.
Edited to rename the little dumb one to 'genius'.
literally ran straight down the boresight / line of fire into the gun. I still don't understand that move.