Holy Mall Ninjas batman!

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GalilARM

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Ladies and Gentlemen


http://forum.saiga-12.com/index.php?showtopic=20911



I have exhausted my resources and poured over countless SHTF threads in an attempt to establish an official formula for calculating the likelihood that you are a mall ninja.

(b) +/- (B^2 x (3+A-Cy)) / 2(X)-h
Where "b" is the number of ATI products you have on your shotgun or SKS. (Go ahead and multiply this number by 2 if your SKS has a scope). "B" is the number of items in your "tactical SHTF inventory" that were marketed for airsoft wargames. "A" is the difference between the actual number of magazine pouches your airsoft vest has and the actual number of magazines you own. Go ahead and square "A" if you have ever watched anime porn. "C" is your waist size and "y" is the number of days you have spent in real live combat. This number should cancel to zero so dont worry about it. Then we divide by 2 times "X" which is typically defined as the number of quarters your boss gives you in case you need to call the real police. Lastly, we will use "h" to refer to the number of times you have secretly wondered how cool it would be to slip on that Boba Fett helmet and live out your zombie-killing dream in style. Dont forget to carry the 1.
 
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I dont have any of that stuff.... I feel so.......better stay out of malls kinda.... I did limit last weekend on pheas with my shotgun and dogs :) brother did too, didnt see any other threats tho.......
 
What scares me the most (other than running out of Pig Snot) is the fact that your formula actually applies to living, breathing mall ninjas who are "on duty" where I shop and buy burritos.

This is why the short story, "Walter Mitty" is so popular.
 
Oh I hear ya. The formula has been empirically verified, much to the dismay of skateboard-enforcement officers all around the country. Since its publication, stock values for Cheaperthandirt and Special Weapons have plummeted, and Tapco is having a hard time selling off backstocked SKS tactical stocks. Duct tape and steel plates are flying off the shelves, however, as Food Court Enforcement Officers are digging in for what could be the most dangerous season for Christmas shopping since Tickle-me-Elmo. It aint easy, but someones gotta do it.
 
That is flat scary. That guy could be the poster boy for police academy rejects nationwide.

Welcome to the new generation of police and military wannabes . . . Thank goodness the vast majority don't have the balls or backbone to make it all the way through an academy or training rotation.

Jeff
 
Blue Falcon reporting in, I say again, Blue Falcon reporting in. Carousel is secure over. We've got a code-ten in the Unisex john sir, caught these kids gettin it on in the diaper changing room, over. Requesting authorization to tase, over


ok im done. I just dont get why the hell people buy all this crap anyway? do they plan on suiting up in this stuff and going lone eagle when the SHTF? Wouldnt the cops shoot him? He doesnt look like a cop, and certainly doesnt look like any sane person roaming the streets. Even real SWAT guys dont dress like that. Probably the same guy who thinks the dual-Desert Eagle 50 combo is the be all end all to SHTF survival
 
If I drown a mall ninja in the main mall fountain, am I assaulting an "officer," or simply dunking a 'cookie'?

If I slap him 'silly' is he now possibly guilty of 'assault with a friendly weapon'?

If I make him throw all of his ninja paraphernalia into a urinal, do I get some kind of 'golden' reward?

Bikers don't know too much about ninjas, so I haven't a clue.

I did know a girl once in Boaz, Wisconsin that had black pajamas, but that's another story...
 
You should watch the movie National Security with Martin Lawrence. Not because its good, because thats the last thing it is. It basically revolves around two wannabe cops who are "Rent a Cops" and do all sorts of bumbling stupid crap yet end up somehow preserving.....national security. Martin Lawrence has a full-auto Glock 18 that they forget to tell us how he acquired, and then by the end he's rollin in the sack with some hot african princess thinkin about how good life is. This movie does for Mall Ninjery what CSI does for crime scene investigating.
 
Go ahead and square "A" if you have ever watched anime porn. "C" is your waist size and "y" is the number of days you have spent in real live combat. This number should cancel to zero so dont worry about it.]
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THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER READ ON THIS FORUM!!!!!!:D:D:D
 
This gives me an idea
A movie about mall ninjas.
I think we should all come up with a title.

My best idea so far is "Try Hard".

Any other ideas among the creative minds here?

After we get a title someone should call George Lucas, Quentin Tarintino, or maybe the Wachowski brothers.
 
This gives me an idea
A movie about mall ninjas.
I think we should all come up with a title.

My best idea so far is "Try Hard".

Any other ideas among the creative minds here?
Click to expand...

Hmmmm....

"FeauxboCop"

"Macy's: Vice"

"Mall Rats"

"Last Action Zero"

"Red Handed: The Diary of a Loss Prevention Officer"

"Full Metal Trauma Plate"

"NonLethal Weapon"

"Gecko: The Professional"

"Three Ninjas"

"Training Day"

"Once Upon a Time in Foley's"

"The Day After Thanksgiving"

"The Foodcourt Saints"

"The Last Ninja"

"E for Epaulets"
 
"Bad Toys" "Bad Toys II"

"Hard to Skill"

"i've never been to POLICE ACADEMY"

"SWAT... me so I'll wake up"

"LORDS OF (AIRSOFT) WAR"
 
(b) +/- (B^2 x (3+A-Cy)) / 2(X)-h
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According to your formula, it is possible due to extreme variations in A and h, that your genetalia could expand at the speed of light and re-appear in an parallel universe. Probably as anime.
 
you know whats sad? I work for the department of the army as an armed guard and they bought and make us all wear that exact same vest in OD green. we pretty much all look like that now. it does make it easier to cary my rifle mags though.
 
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