The problem is some clerks think they know more than you simply because they work in a gun store. Some of us don't take kindly to a clerk making assumptions that we need this or that or that we don't know this or that. They have some customers that this is their first gun period and then they have a customer like some of us who have more guns at home than the store does all together. I personally find it funny when a young man behind the counter starts telling me that brand x is way better than brand z. That's my cue to have fun. I ask simple questions about the gun that I already know the answer to. Most of the time they realize that I know more about the gun than they do real fast because when they can't answer the question about the gun I educate them. And sometimes I get a very knowledgeable clerk that knows more than myself and I learn something. Either way I have fun.
My wife is a different ball of wax. She wanted a new 12 gauge for duck hunting a few years ago so we went shopping. The very first shop we stopped at she asked to look at Beretta. The shop owner said honey let me show you this new 20 gauge that will fit you perfectly and it has a 3" chamber. My wife got really agitated and told me it was time to go. She asked to look at a 12 but he grabbed the 20. So when we got in the truck I tried to tell her he did it because he truely thought the 20 was the best option for her based on his experience. She stated that doesn't matter what he thought and when she asked to look at the 12 he should have handed it to her without hesitation. I agree with her that he handled it wrong. He should have let her look at the gun she asked to and then ask her to look at the 20.
Another story is when she wanted a new 38 super. While at one of the larger retail stores she asked to look at a para in 38 super. The clerk told her with me standing there that she shouldn't waste time with the 38. Ammo is hard to find and expensive and the recoil could possibly be too much for her. She broke out her phone and showed him the pics of the two we already own along with the rest of her 1911's. When he recognized her sti and seen the big group pics he looked and said " oh well you have plenty already, why do you need another?"
So who is right and who is wrong in both situations? I know the customer is always right and they should sell her what she wants but both had valid points. The 20 would have been better for her and no she didn't need another 1911 or 38super but that's beside the point. When someone is ready to spend money let them spend it.
I understand your wife's situation and think she is in the right.
The assumption she (and I make) is that they are making assumptions about the customer based on sex, which gets real annoying, real fast.
It's one thing when a customer comes in with open ended questions and asks for help or makes comments that clearly indicate a level of ignorance on the subject, but someone who comes in with a clear idea of what they want?
If I go into a gun store and I ask to see a specific model and caliber/gauge, then, clearly, I've done some homework. If I can point out a gun on the rack or in the case and I've identified it specifically and not just "Let me see that one", it demonstrates that I am not ignorant of what I am looking at.
And it gets downright infuriating when I ask to see something, specifically, that is not the most common option out there. Too be blunt, if a woman comes in an asks for something a lot of the guys don't have, you can probably safely assume that she knows more than a newb and doesn't need any ones opinion on what she can and cannot handle.
There are definitely some gun store clerks that need to learn to wait and assess their customers rather than make assumptions and some that need a clue bat applied to their heads. Seriously, dude, how many newbie woman do you really think walk into a gun store and head straight for something chambered in .38 Super?
If I had walked in, even if he had handed me the Beretta I asked for first, if he'd tried to push the 20, I'd have likely snapped in his face, flashed the wad of cash I would not be spending in that store, made some snide comments about the 12 gauges I shoot regularly and walked out.
And since when is "need" a consideration when buying guns? I don't "need" even half of what I have, and if I had the cash, I'd be at a LGS right now buying more.