Delicate situation--advice welcome.

D

Don Gwinn

Staff Emeritus
Whew....this is going to be complicated. Today one of my residents burst on me. Now, I don't particularly like this particular resident--she pissed me off greatly in a vicious way that's irrelevant to the discussion, but in fairness it was several months ago. We've stayed pretty friendly since then, at least outwardly, but I've never been sure where I stood with her because she was always friendly, even during some behind-the-scenes nastiness.

The point is, today she gave me a friendly wave and I waved back. Then she asked about schoolwork, we started talking, I mentioned that I had to do some government document research for my history of the West class.

This is where the trouble started--in a friendly way, she told me "I've got some gov't documents for you, Mr. I Love Guns!"

From there, though, she was just ranting. She kept ranting about how she'd been "reading that stuff on the internet." Never told me what stuff no matter how much I asked. She'd been reading something about Texas gun laws, that's all I know--probably the VPC?
Anyway, it turns out her father was robbed at gunpoint a few days ago in Texas, so she was on the warpath about guns--no one should have one, she doesn't want one, what makes me think anyone should have one, if that robber hadn't had a gun he couldn't have robbed her dad, and YES, Texas gun laws are responsible for the fact that a criminal could get a gun, she's just not sure how!

I was very calm and rational until this last bit. I asked, still calmly and rationally, whether she really believed that the criminal couldn't get a gun. She loudly replied "I don't want to TALK about it!"

God help me, I laughed at her. Loudly, before I could help myself. She had, after all, dragged me into this discussion. I didn't mean to do it but I did.

My experience suggests I should now leave her alone for awhile. But on the other hand, if any of my other residents had told me their fathers had faced someone at gunpoint, it would be part of my job to talk 'em through it if they wanted to talk. I'm thinking the best compromise might be to get someone else to see if she wants to talk to them.

I wouldn't mind apologizing for laughing, but she's in such an angry mood I don't think she'd be satisfied with less than having me admit that it's partly my fault that her dad got robbed.

Any suggestions? I think as of now I'm just going to give her some time and then apologize for laughing out of the blue. Maybe I can surprise her.
 
Given her behavior, for now I'd just sit on it--stay quiet. I've known excitable people who vent their emotions and then follow with, "I don't wanna talk about it!" There is no way you can do more than nod and say, "Uh, huh..." as they rant. Facts will never matter to them, particularly facts they don't want to hear.

If she comes to you, fine. Otherwise, you're outta luck.

It ain't easy, Art
 
Gwinny...
I wouldn't bother...no apology, no explanations, no nuthin. Minimize contact.

Look, she sought you out solely to rant/berate/verbally attack you, merely because she knows you are pro-gun. What happened to her Dad is immaterial and is no excuse for such rude, nasty and impolite behavior to another person. She behaved unacceptably and is owed nothing. She wins and is encouraged to act again similarly (to you or anyone) if you go the extra step. The sooner these spoiled and whining brats learn there are consequences, the sooner our society will begin improving.

------------------
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes" RKBA!
 
You could tell her to read the Bible story about the man who was robbed. Maybe she is not into it, but this has been going on a long time and it is not guns that are the problem. She has a right to be angry, but she should realize how lucky her father was to survive this attack in a far awy place amongs strangers.
She has no right to take it out on anyone else, however. This is indeed a failing in her own conduct.
I think it would probably be best for you to just leave her alone and come to her own conclusions. Sometimes this is best.
 
I would echo DC's point. No apology. You did NOTHING wrong.

If you would like to try and find someone else to talk to her, then you are a better man than me. Good on you for the effort.

If anything, *she* owes *you* an apology. She decided to make you responsible for the gun that was responsible for the robbery of her father. Two great leaps of illogic that make me think that she'll be calling your parents next to blame them for producing you...

------------------
RKBA!
"The people have the right to bear arms for their defense and security"
Ohio Constitution, Article I, Section 4 Concealed Carry is illegal in Ohio.
Ohioans for Concealed Carry Website

[This message has been edited by TheBluesMan (edited May 02, 2000).]
 
You only laughed at her because she said something utterly ridiculous. You shouldn't feel bad about. It just shows that you are a better person than she is for thinking about her feelings, she obviously didn't care to much about yours.
 
Ditto to everything above + Keep in mind that you already knew she was an anti from past experiences. She just practicing her Rozee imitation. See, I think she's seen Rozee perform this on TV, and get away with it. Of course the audience is screened, and therefore anyone who was on that show, who was pro-2nd would have to be a hired hand...

Point: She's trying what she's seen done on TV, to see if it works. So far by laughing at her, you've shown her an unexpected response. She probably expected you to become apologetic, cower to her superior attitudes, and ways.
Good for you, wish I could have been there to share the laugh :) :)

Apologize, never. As mentioned above, you didn't perform the nasty on her family member, but I'd bet my Arse you'd have intervened if you'd been there...

Best Regards,
Don

------------------
The most foolish mistake we could make would be to allow the subjected people to carry arms; history shows that all conquerers who have allowed their subjected people to carry arms have prepared their own fall.
Adolf Hitler

[This message has been edited by Donny (edited May 02, 2000).]
 
"I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts."

"Most people believe they are thinking when they are merely re-arranging their prejudices."
 
Ran into her again not long ago, and she basically just ignored me. I guess we're going to ignore each other a little while longer. I don't feel bad about arguing with her, only laughing. Yes, what she said was ridiculous but it couldn't possibly help. She just caught me by surprise with that line.

I guess what really bothers me is that I figure I should be trying to give her some kind of comfortas my job if nothing else. But I know you're all correct--that doesn't mean I have to offer to be crucified for the sins of some thug in Texas. Maybe all her reading on the internet will leave her either curious enough or confident enough to come to me again. I've got other things to deal with right now anyway.
Thanks, all.
 
D.G., you owe her no apology. I would add too, that there is no way to reason with an anti-gun person, as they have no way of discussing the issue, other than with illogical emotions. For example...

Several years ago, in Los Angeles, I was talking about "gun control" with a woman, a Hollywood writer who has written quite a few two hour movies for teeeveee. She told me that a gun had caused her elderly mother to have a massive heart attack. I asked her how it happened?

She said that two young men had watched her mother cash a check at a super market, then followed her home to her apartment. Outside, they attacked her, grabbed her purse, and then proceeded to pistol whip her as she screamed. One of the old woman's neighbors, in the apartment complex, heard the screams, grabbed his handgun and rushed outside. He fired one shot at the two thugs, who then turned and ran off. The old woman fell to the ground, bleeding, and having a heart attack.

(Now get this.) The female writer said that her mother had the heart attack because she saw her neighbor, waving a handgun!!!!!! The thugs whiping her with the pistol, beating her with their fists, had nothing to do with it!

When I tried to wade through her illogic, saying that criminals will always get guns, etc etc, she screamed, "I want all gun's confiscated! If her neighbor hadn't had that gun, my mother would still be alive because it caused my mother's heart attack!!" So, end of conversation.

To an emotional anti, you'll never be allowed to cloud the issue with the facts. Forget it and deal with those people who have a brain. JMHO. J.B.
 
She's obviously irrational. Perhaps the gun issue isn't even the reason why she's upset, but merely an excuse to lash out at someone. Perhaps you're a nice person whom she knows she can take advantage of without any risk to her own ego or self. I think she's venting and you were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Or, maybe the issue is genuine. Either way, I doubt if it has anything directly to do with you. You.. didn't DO anything directly to her have you?

Without knowing this individual short of what you have described, I really can't say what to do. I'm sure you'll find a way to resolve it. I must also agree that you have done nothing wrong. There is no need to apologize. And it would be best to avoid her.

But if you must confront her somehow, if I was in your shoes, I would probably ask the question, "What have I ever done to you?" Maybe that will give you a clue as to the source of her problem and take it from there. Depending on the direction of the conversation, tell her that you will call the Police and file a complaint if you have to. And if she keeps it up, make that call.

$.02
 
It goes to show that the people who fall for the anti-gun crap are the same ones who hear some trash on T.V. or the internet and adopt it as their creed.
When you corner them with facts they stick their fingers in their ears and go na na na na na.

Even when I get information from a good source like TFL I check it out before I make a fool of myself on a fabrication.

Forgive me for ranting on this but I work with one of these people and it is very frustrating dealing with stupidity.

------------------
"It is easier to get out of jail then it is a morgue"
Live long and defend yourself!
John 3:16

[This message has been edited by leedesert (edited May 03, 2000).]
 
Honestly, I would have laughed at her myself. I would just avoid her. She's so brainwashed that trying to talk to her again will only lead to more arguments.

Hmmmm if her father was robbed at knife point, would she demand all knives be banned?

------------------
Son
1911 Addiction
"Rangers Lead the Way!"
 
Don, this woman has emotional problems and has fixated on you as the cause of them. Under no circumstances initiate contact with her. No matter what your actions the situation will escalate, and you will lose. If you have to deal with her in the performance of your job, have a reliable witness available.
 
Don she set out to ambush you. You owe her nothing. She is the one that owes you an apology. IMO you already went above and beyond the call of duty by actually listening to her rant, which is something that I could never have done. I have a low tolerence for prejudiced idiots. I personaly would have loved to have you as an RA. It would have given me someone to go shooting with.
Eric

------------------
Formerly Puddle Pirate.
Teach a kid to shoot.
It annoys the antis.
 
It sounds as if this happened at work in front (or possibly) others. If not, ignore my suggestion.

There are times to debate an issue, and times not. From your work description, it sounds as if she is a subordinate, any other person who decided to berate their supervisor, teacher, or other anywhere but behind closed doors would be disciplined. We have a hobby, lifestyle, passion, etc that is not as popular as it could be for reasons on both sides and responsible debate is going to be part of the price of ownership.
I think that you should apologize for laughing, but should make clear that where this all occurred, was inappropriate on her part. Next time there will be subordination disciplianry action taken, if this happens "at the office" again.
 
Don, she gained a fear of the guns from her dad getting robbed. She is talking irrational. You stumped her, she couldn't think of anymore come backs so she just used the "I don't want to talk about it" line. I hear that all the time. To me that is victory, they know you are making sense but they will not admit it. No need to apologize to her you weren't laughing at her dad for getting robbed, you were laughing at her for being flustered. Don't let it get to you, your outta there soon :)

------------------
Sandys' Homepage
RKBA forums
We are as one as we all are the same fighting for one cause -Metallica
 
Don - I'd let her stew in her juices for a while. Judging by her described temperment, she'll be back for round two in the near future and you can have another go at it with more logic.

Unfortunately, it's like arguing religion and science with these folks. Ask her if she would have fealt better if her father had been robbed at knife point.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top