Ban Tuna!

C

Coinneach

Staff Alumnus
Man accused of beating woman with a 10-pound fish

SAN DIEGO (AP) -- A man was arrested on suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend in a supermarket parking lot with a 10-pound tuna.

Nicholas Anthony Vitalich, 24, could be charged with assault with a deadly weapon, police said. He was arrested Tuesday.

"People will use whatever weapon they have available. In this case it was a fish," said Lt. Jim Barker of the police domestic-violence unit.

He added: "It's a serious incident."

The man's girlfriend told police that she and Vitalich argued and that he struck her several times in the face and lower body with the 2-foot fish, which he had just bought. She suffered cuts and bruises.
..................
Well, it's obvious what needs to be done:

1) Establish a federal Bureau of Fish.
2) Require all fish to be registered with the BoF.
3) If you want a piranha (aka "assault fish"), you have to undergo a background investigation and pay $200.
4) You can only eat at Long John Silver's once a month, because no one needs more fish than that.
5) You must take a Fisherman's Safety Course before you can buy any fish
6) Sea World will be off-limits to everyone except BoF-approved oceanographers

For the children, of course.


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"We are going to fight. We are going to be hurt.
But in the end, we will stand."
--Roland Deschain
 
OH MY GOD!

Ban importations of all TUNA!

your limited to only 10 tuna caught before this date... and of course you need to fill out federal and state forms saying it is not your intent to bludgeon or "fish-slap dance" with the fish - or give or resell these fish.

and there is either a 10 day wait - or instant back ground check just incase youve ever been arrested for either violent use or buggering of fish.


Join the NFA!

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RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
 
Fish-buggering? I guess if it's done just for the halibut....

I don't want to carp on this subject, but calling a fish a deadly weapon sounds fishy to me.

Unless of course it was cooked by my *first* wife? She yelled like an old fish wife. Sometimes smelled musky, too. But that's water under the pike. It was a crappy marriage.

Holy mackerel! I gotta go get my car from Mr. Gill. We call him "Blue". He's not much of a mechanic - he flounders around a lot - but I'm a sucker for a good deal and he does a good deal for a fin.

His partner, Moray Amsterdam used to be in the Navy so we call him "squid". Eel be there too.

Sea ya later.

I yam what I yam, Grump
((I gotta get a life.....))
 
I would like to set an example for all of my friends here on TFL. Today I will surrender all of my tuna to the proper authorities. I urge you to do the same, before one child can be hurt with a fish.

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To be or not to be-that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them.
 
They'll get my tuna when they pry them from my cold dead hands.
Sorry guys. I didn't do it on porpoise.
(Gag)
 
I just hope the investigating agency has a refrigerated evidence room.

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Gunslinger

We live in a time in which attitudes and deeds once respected as courageous and honorable are now scorned as being antiquated and subversive.
 
News Alert! Seems that a large number of coastal cities and seaports have been operating illegal fish bazaars, selling to minors, and illegally shipping fish across state lines hidden in refrigerated semi-trailers. Congress wants to close these loopholes and mandate a minimum 3 day waiting period before the purchase of a fish. Call your congressperson and tell them that we have the right to keep and eat fish. Don't forget to join the NFA and the FOA, they're our strongest lobbying effort.

Dennis, some of those references remind me of a song I heard a time ago, something about a "wet dream", wasn't it?

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Don LeHue

The pen is mightier than the sword...outside of arms reach. Modify radius accordingly for rifle.
 
People, People....

You have it all wrong. We don't want to ban fish....we just want reasonable regulations dealing with responsible fish possession. After all, no one needs a 10 lb or greater size fish. You can still have sardines, bluegill, goldfish. Please, think and be resonsible....its for the children.

DC, President FCI

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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes"
 
As of July 1, 1999, it will be a fifth degree felony to possess any fish within 1000 feet of any educational institution! This will ensure the safety of all those in public schools, colleges, universities, or Rosie's rollicking ranch of ill repute.
((There! That'll fix them suckers.))

DonL,
I am familiar with the concept to which you refer; but I not aware of anyone singing about it. (Oh, yuck...)
 
Wet Dream in the Gulf Stream

I don't remember who sang it, but it was extremely clever! (Late 80's?)

This may be it, but if not, enjoy it anyway!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wet Dream

by Kip Adotta


It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I
was in a rented Stingray, and it was over-heating. So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the
damned thing, and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar. A real dive, but I knew the owner. He used to play
for the Dolphins. I said, "Hi Gil!" You have to yell, he's hard of herring.

Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. I bellied up to the sandbar. He poured me
the usual Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the
Mako. I slipped him a fin on porpoise. I was eeling good! I even dropped a sand-dollar in the box for Jerry's squids for the
Halibut.

Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the Big Band sound of Tommy
Dorsal. What sole. Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular tuna "Salmon-chanted Evening." And the stage was
surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellow-tail, and she's giving me the eye! So I figure this is my chance for a little fun. You know,
a piece of Pisces. But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was too deep. She seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy,
could she Drink! She drank like a... well, she drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium." I said, "Great! Lets
get tanked!!"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on, baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that
same old line, "Not tonight. I got a haddock." And she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest looking
haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen, shrimp,
don't ya come trolling around here." What a crab! This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes. I turned to him. I
said, "Abalone. You're just being shellfish."

Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cause he was already on the phone to the Cods. The haddock hits
me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke. But there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a
mackerel. Kelpless. I said, "Forget the Cods, Gil. This guy's gonna need a sturgeon."

Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me. She said, "Hey, big boy, you're
really a game fish. What's your name?" I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders.
And then I went home with her. And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams.[/quote]

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John/az

"Just because something is popular, does not make it right."

www.countdown9199.com
 
I don't care what anyone thinks, I will let my kids be anglers,I will will them keep in their rooms fishing poles,line and trebble hooks(the semi-auto kind). If the BoF wants to come to my home they had better be ready for a lot of monofilament line comming their way.
We will be free to keep and bear fish!
 
BTW, Giz. I HOPE YOU LIKE CATS!

meow!

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John/az

"Just because something is popular, does not make it right."

www.countdown9199.com
 
Whew, something smells fishy around here and I think I kind of like it
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No King is saved by the size of his army, No warrior excapes by his great strength alone.
 
OH MY COD!
Get reel people. Don't blame the tuna, blame the fisherman! What are you angling for? This whole thing smells of a fishing expediation to further curtail our right to keep and bear tackle. What next? One fishing pole per month? Or maybe ban those evil depth finders? No, you won't be satisfied until every last hook is banned!
 
It's the FISH, Stupid!

Sorry - had to be said after the "It's the GUNs, Stupid!" thing...
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We first need laws in place controlling the DANGEROUS fish...

Saturday Night Fishes.
Assault Fishes.
Short Tailed Fishes.
Any Fish with a Folding, Colapsable Tail.
Fully Automatic Fishes...

Dont get me started about PUFFER FISH!

Man of War Jelly Fish!?!?!?! My GOD! What has this Country come to???!!!

Look at Poor Sarah Frady's husband!

FOR THE CHILDREN!

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RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE



[This message has been edited by Kodiac (edited June 19, 1999).]
 
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