Julie Golob is a well known champion shooter. Among her sponsors is S+W.
I listened to her explain her preference for 147 gr 9mm ammo,and it was about the recoil impulse. The term she used was "pogo stick"
As others have said...try them all,without preconceived ideas.
In my S+W M+P 9C,I find the Walmart Win 115 gr 9mm cheap hardball quite mild .
I appreciate your consideration...sometimes recoil looms larger in a gentleman's chivalry than it does in a woman's hand.
A lot of those frail women are stronger and tougher than we give them credit for.They can lay a chef knife on a clove of garlic and smash it,no problem. An hour of vacuuming is routine.Doorknobs are no problem.
Slamming a grocery cart into the rest of the carts to put it away in the grocery store gives as much force/impact to the hand as firing a 9mm.They can enjoy playing softball.
I know,not all women are military,or LEO,or Rhonda Rousey.
But IMO.its a mistake to sell them short. They might slap a knot on you!!