I carry .40 S&W in a Corbon 140 gr. JHP DPX. In a small frame, it does kick more than a 9mm. However, I carry a Steyr S40. This is a fairly large (6.5"L x 4.6"H), heavy (23 oz.), 3.5", 10+1 polymer gun. The recoil difference is noticeable but not objectionable.
9mm MIGHT be slightly more accurate due to the higher velocity. That's debatable, since the particular gun makes a big difference in accuracy and perceived recoil.
Although I believe the 9mm is the optimum compromise in size, firepower, comfort, and accuracy for most people, I carry the .40 S&W when I can. I shoot well with it and can conceal it fairly easily.