My wife, weighing 140 lbs., and not a regular shooter, handles the recoil from her Glock 23 just fine...shoots as well with it as her former Glock 19 in 9mm.
Does the 40 have less recoil than a .357?
Far less in my opinion. My wife and I both shoot a 3" M-60 S&W .357, but rarely, in her case, with full house 125 gr JHP's. It's not fun, in her words. Recoil wise, my handloads at 1000 fps in the Smith feel comparable to the .40 with 180 gr FMJ's.
Too, with a .40 you have the option of using 155 or 165 JHP's...our local LEO's are using 165's here in my part of KY, significantly reducing 'felt' recoil. Too, it's useful to remember that any .40 caliber JHP round at ~1000 fps is a hellofa defensive tool. You don' t need barn burners to be well armed.
High Valley makes a good point about the effect of an auto's slide mitigating 'felt' recoil vs. the grip on a revolver. Over 50 years ago, when I first started shooting the venerable 1911, I thought the gun was coming apart in my hand, having been a revolver shooter up to that point. It is different to be sure!!
HTH's Rod