The first handgun I purchased was a .40S&W. It was the S&W model 410. I couldn't hit ANYTHING with it. I developed a bad case of the flinches from firing it as well. I hadn't shot a handgun in 15 years but bought it as the best compromise in power and capacity for SD.
I sold it and bought a Ruger P97 [.45acp]. Then I bought a Baby Eagle 9mm.
I now own a lot of calibers, in different makes.
I recently bought a .40S&W for the first time in 10 years. After a long time off from shooting again, and then a year of focused shooting with .22lr, 9mm and .45acp [and some .38/.357Mag and .44mag], I bought a .40S&W again.
It is bearable and not too bad to my now educated tastes. It doesn't feel like any revolver really, so a comparison to the .357mag isn't right [as others have said]. It feels the MOST uncomfortable of any semi-auto I own, but is reliable and accurate. It is manageable, but I prefer 9mm or .45acp.
However, my recollection of firing my grandmothers' Walther PPK .380acp last year with my dad is that the Walther felt even worse in my hand on recoil.
The way it feels in your hand IS subjective. I like the recoil impulse of almost any other 'large [over .357] caliber' better than the recoil of the .40S&W out of my Glock G22. BUT, I can use the .40s&w and hit what I aim at now. I couldn't in 2001 with the S&W Model 410. I probably could now if I stil had it.
I have a glock with two barrels, 357 sig and 40S&W. According to a couple of charts I've seen the 357 sig has less recoil. I find the 40S&W much more pleasant to shoot. It may be that the muzzle blast and and noise of the 357 sig make it seem like more recoil but regardless the 40S&W is more pleasant to shoot with 180 & 165 grain bullets.
Noreaster, I am curious: what brand of .357sig ammo did you fire? I am setting my G22 up with a G31 barrel and want to do what you are. However, I bought S&B 140gr .357Sig ammo, which is rated for 563 ft/lb of muzzle energy. I haven't fired the combo yet. My .40S&W ammo is rated in the 390-430 ft/lb of muzzle energy category. I am expecting the Sig barrel to recoil more due to the 30% extra power. It will be interesting.