I actually find the Beretta 84 to be fairly soft-shooting. Maybe I'm weird; wait, forget I said maybe.
Seriously, there's a reason they call it "felt" recoil—it's highly subjective.
In a previous thread, I've theorized that the perception of harsh or "snappy" recoil in the Beretta/Browning has to do with the recoil characteristics rather than the sheer force; since there's no barrel unlocking and the slide is relatively lightweight, the recoil character is more of a WHACK! than the typical ker-CHUNK of a locked-breech semi-auto.
These pistols DO have a very low bore axis, which minimizes muzzle rise for fast follow-up shots.
I WILL, however, heartily concur with the opinion that the 84/85/BDA slide is hard to work, and I've written this in past threads. The issue is not only a stiff recoil spring but also relatively limited grasping surface. Cocking the hammer helps but doesn't exactly make it downright easy. IMHO every recently-designed locked-breech compact 9mm semi-auto I've ever handled (M&P9c, G19, FNS9c, SIG P239) has an easier slide to rack than a 84/85/BDA.
Speaking of which, have you considered a P239? It's on the list.