"Years of abuse from the majority"

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Move over, you mushy-headed socialists, and make way for the brand new minority of Mike. I’m pushing 50, there’s a big ole gut hanging over my NRA belt buckle, and I’m growing more hair in my ears than on my head these days, all of which conspire to make me damn cranky. I’m also white. You heard me! If you think that eliminates me from the booming minority industry you’re dead wrong!

What’s more, I’ve earned my way into these whiney ranks; I wasn’t born into it like all of you other lucky oppressed, exploited and underprivileged wogs. It’s taken years of abuse from the majority of you to create the minority of me.
“Wait a damn minute here,” you say. “You’re a middle aged white guy, you’re the oppressor
and exploiter. You’re the one Bogarting our privileges! You aren’t eligible to snivel with the likes of us!

Lights on in yer heads ya crybabies! According to your own spokespeople, life its own self has made me one of you. According to them, I’ve been oppressed, exploited and underprivileged my whole life. Just read on and see if I’m not right, I double dog dare you.

Here’s a list of issues, events, and people the majority of you dim-witted politicians and American sheeple have heralded as wildly popular over the course of the last forty-odd years of my life. While all of you were rooting for this stuff, I was being hammered for holding what you told me was the minority view.

ALAN ALDA - Most of the women, and lots of you men simply wet yourselves over this clown and his “men must get in touch with their feminine side” crap. “It’s good for men to cry and whine out their feelings,” sniffed Mr. Shirley. Not down at Zonkers Tavern where I was hanging out. Mince in THERE spouting this stuff and the sound of pop tops opening cans of Whup Ass would have deafened you.

DISCO - Fess up, you people went nuts for this noise. Bunch of Australian pretty boys (except for that anorexic looking one who was and is butt ugly) in kiss-me-quick hair dos and polyester clothes made of colors not found in nature screaming in their best falsetto voices about “Staying Alive.” I’d have liked to seen them stay alive in the Ashau Valley, Republic of South Viet Nam where I was shakin’ MY bootie. I tried a polyester shirt once, but the collar kept snaggin’ on the rifle rack in my truck.

ABORTION - I was for it when it came out, but the majority of the sheeple closed ranks with the majority of the politicians again and said I was a Godless heathen. Now I’m against it and you’re telling me I’m a religious nut. I can’t seem to get my saddle tossed over this nag no matter which side of the damned thing I’m standin’ on.

FREE LOVE - I don’t know where you went to school, but life has taught me there is no such thing. We all whore in one way or another. MINI SKIRTS AND BRA BURNING - Actually I was very much for these fads until you women told me I couldn’t look at you anymore after you’d done it. What’s the point if I can’t look?

JANE FONDA - Loathed her then, loathe her now.

VOTING - People say: You have no right to complain if you don’t vote. I say: You have no right to complain if you do. You’re the ones voting for these bottom feeders, you deserve everything they do to you. People say: If everyone felt that way our government would collapse. I say, Excellent! If you insist on voting you should be tested on your knowledge of issues and candidates BEFORE you get handed a ballot. As it is, any damn fool not only CAN vote, they DO. Are you happy with the shape this country is in? Care to take a guess as to who’s responsible?

DRUG LAWS - What a resounding success these have been, huh? You sheepleticians seem to think putting some guy in the joint for 10 years because he was holding a couple of ounces of grass, while turning murderers and rapists loose to do “community service” in the communities they victimize, is the way to go. I happen to know you can find more dope in jail than on any street corner in America. How I know is none of your damn business, just take my word for it. Do you honestly feel some pot head eating a jar of mayonnaise at three in the morning is something to fear? The guys you keep turning loose scare me, an’ I’m big enough to eat hay, not to mention armed! Have another glass of gin and think about it. Better yet, go to jail and see for yourselves.

ROSIE O’DONNELL - See Jane Fonda.

SAVING THE EARTH - The earth is fine. I rode out and looked it over this morning and it’s fine I tell you. The PEOPLE on it need help, but the EARTH is fine, honest.

HASSLING BILL GATES - He built a better mouse trap and you people beat a path to his door all right, with subpoenas! I say leave this guy, and others like him, alone. One of these days Atlas is going to shrug for real. Who you gonna sue then?

GUN CONTROL - Don’t even get me started on this one.

FAMILY VALUES - This was a big one not too long ago. Family values this, and family values that. Fine and dandy, but just whose family are we talking about here? Your family? My family? The Manson family!? How about the Clinton family? You sheepleticians do what you want, but leave me an’ my ole woman out of it. Our kids are growed and gone, none of ‘em dope fiends, perverts or in jail either. Straight shooters, all of ‘em. Literally.

THE V CHIP - You guys want your kids protected from the crap on television? Make a planter box out of the damn thing. Those are little people and television turns them into little zombies.

MOVIE CENSORSHIP - You ALL snivel about sex and violence in the movies. There’s too much of it and you don’t like it and you want it cleaned up “for the children.” Here’s a tip, don’t buy a ticket. Don’t let Junior buy one either. You can do that you know, unless of course you’ve already shipped him off to that village Hillary keeps harping about. Sex and violence have been the mainstays of entertainment since before Romeo jumped Juliet. Live with it. Lose all the ratings crap and quit trying to “clean up the movie industry.” You can polish a turd all you want to, when you get done, it’s still only a turd. Besides, I happen to LIKE watching guys blow stuff up while ridin’ around on motorcycles with no helmets an’ bare chested women on the back shootin’ automatic weapons.

FOREIGN AID - For years the politicians, and their partners in crime, the IRS, have stolen money from me. They mail it off to countries I can’t pronounce and call it foreign aid. What a pantload. All that happens is some FOREIGN politician steals it, then phones us, collect, begging for more. Foreign aid my achin’ butt. Extortion is what it is! Why don’t you let Willie Nelson give ‘em a concert or something? You can bet Willie’s people would make damn sure the money got to where it was supposed to go. Be a good concert too, if Willie’s sober.

GAY RIGHTS - Alright already. BE proud. BE gay. Just be QUIET would ya? You’ve made your point. I was gay once too, you know, right up until it was my turn.

GOVERNMENT MANDATED HIRING PRACTICES - Let me get this straight. In order to eliminate discrimination in hiring people for jobs, you passed a law that makes employers discriminate against hiring OTHER people for jobs. That about it? This makes about as much sense as me tryin’ to load 12 gauge double ought into my Colt. Charles Manson once said, “No sense makes sense.” I guess that boy could have gone far in the law-making industry. Which, by the way, is a monopoly and should be made to go stand in the corner with Bill Gates.

NAFTA - See Gun Control

THE SUPREME COURT - The Supremes have got a loud beat, but I can’t dance to them. Who’s responsible for these idiots anyway? They do a boogaloo around the Constitution at the drop of a disco ball an’ nobody does squat. W-a-a-a-y past time for ‘em to straighten up and fly right, I say.

GERALDO RIVERA - See Rosie O’Donnell.

LARRY KING AND NIGHTLINE - For years you television zombies have been getting your “news” and “opinions” from this drooper and others like him. Please. King has been married so many times he’s got rice marks all over his face. Just the thought of listening to him and Monica prattle on for an hour about her “political insights” and their shared vision of “family values” sent me scurrying around my house looking for a barf bag. The majority of you thought it was a scoop, and you can’t deny it. I saw the ratings for that show and damn near ALL of you were watching. Here’s an idea, why not have all of Larry’s ex-wives on the show and they can discuss...umm, oh, I don’t know...say, maybe the possibility that he’s an egomaniacal, shill-for-the-left, sneakweenie? Now that’s an ex-wives’ club I’d be interested in hearing from.

VIET NAM - See Gun Control

NATIVE AMERICANS - After slaughtering most of them, the majority of you sheepleticians decided I owed them money for it. I wasn’t even there! You can ask my mom. Say, come to think of it, I was born in this country. Hell, I’M as much a Native American as they are. If they’re so downtrodden, how come nobody ever got rich selling AMERICAN jewelery to them huh? This ain’t right.

RALPH NADER - For about 40 years now this safety Nazi has been running around sticking his nose in everybody’s business, and the vast majority of you sheepleticians have applauded him for it. The original “Hey you could put somebody’s eye out with that” puke is responsible for more government intervention, bureaucratic corruption, pork barrel spending and out-and-out Constitution demolishing than any human being in America. Ever. Thank you Ralph for air bags that kill kids, “environmental toilets,” catastrophic converters, Alar hoaxes, OSHA, cops who give me tickets because you said I had to wear a seat belt, and a pile of stupid laws big enough to cover Mt. Rushmore, along with enough left over to fill my barn. Thank you, you over-rated busybody. Thank you very much.

CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM - Perhaps the granddaddy of all oxymorons. You sheeple keep howling for it, you blowhole politicians keep claiming you’re going to give it to them, and the corruption keeps rolling along. It’s not the money that kills liberty, sheeple, it’s the empty suits you keep forkin’ that money over to.

And finally...

BILL AND HILLARY - You not only elected them, you elected them TWICE!!! Aren’t you ashamed of yourselves? I’ve got a good mind to take a strop to you. Didn’t your parents bring you up any better than this? Go to your room, I’ll decide your punishment later.

Keep in mind this is only a PARTIAL list of the ways the majority of you twinks have oppressed, exploited and underprivileged me over the course of the last 49 years. I could snivel for days. Surely, by now you must agree that I am a minority. You can’t deny me for reasons of race, creed, color, or drivin’ a pick-up truck with an NRA sticker in the window. Your own squishy rules say that’s a discrimination no-no. You made this bunk, and I get to lay down and snivel in it. Welcome to the minority of Mike.

If you’re wondering what I now demand as my minority status rights, I’ll be glad to tell you. Nothing. Not a damn thing.

To make me happy, all you majority members need to do is go away. On your way out the door, pick up your trendy causes, idiot politicians, corrupt administrations, unenforceable and unconstitutional laws, safety Nazis, bubble-headed, loud-mouthed Hollywood dim wits, junk scientists, environmental terrorists, feminist bores, gun-grabbing sissies, television talk show hosts, self-righteous soccer moms, lawyers, supreme court socialists, feminist butt heads, PETA loons, foreign investors, revisionist historians, propaganda-printin’ newspapers, self-important bureaucrat thieves, IRS, FBI, NSC, CIA, FEMA, ATF and any other damn freedom-stealin’ alphabet organization you’ve abused me with for the last five decades!

Just leave your copy of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution of the United States of America over there on the coffee table. You never read it anyway, and the minority of me would very much like to see it put to good

Michael J. Bates is a freelance political writer and a regular contributor to Ether Zone.

Michael can be reached at thunder_foot@hotmail.com

Published in the February 1, 2000 issue of Ether Zone. Copyright © 2000 Ether Zone (http://etherzone.com). Reposting permitted with this message intact.

From http://etherzone.com/bate020100.html



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"The Gun from Down Under !"
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Whooof. C'mon, tell us how you really feel...

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"...and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one."
Luke 22:36
"An armed society is a polite society."
Robert Heinlein
 
Superb ranting,...I would like to contribute as well.

COOLING OFF PERIODS -- This is for beer and pop, not for guns!! What about the woman that is being stalked and threatened by her absuive boyfriend or spouse? Do we give her a seven day period of time to contemplate how many times her jaw will be broken? wrists bruised? or ribs cracked? Do we make folks wait a week before they buy a new BMW with the turbocharged engine!? This is a heaping pile of steaming, fresh horse s---.

YUPPIES IN SUVS -- What the HELL does Jane and John Sheeple living in a Bethesda, MD 6-bedroom, 4-bathroom luxury mansion need a 4x4 sport ute for when all we get is a few inches of snow every year!? Also, how many of these pampered, bloated jackasses actually know how to enagge the 4 wheel drive system in their $50,000+ BMW/Lexus/Mercedes-Benz SUV?

HI-CAP MAG BANS -- Part of a move to shift us to the metric system I says. It's based on ten and we have a mag cap of ten. Any coincidence? Does the fact that I own a Beretta 92SB with 10 15-rd mags make me want to go psycho and shoot up a civic center anymore than if they were 15 10-rd mags? This is just another infringement on my rights by an over-reaching, liberal government that is incapable of trusting its own members, let alone the public at large.

HIP HOP/RAP/PUFF DADDY -- What the Hell is this crap?! Sounds like they took beats from the washed-out disco era and wrote new Ebonics for it. It's all about money, sex with this "ho" and "bitch", cheating on your partner, shooting "Gats" and mouthing off at authority. No wonder we got problems. With illiterate morons advocating these behaviors to our youth and getting away with it, we are sending the message that anything goes.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS -- We ain't bald, we are follically impaired. This is just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. She ain't dead, she's metabolically challenged. Call a verdommed spade a spade for God's sake. That's the problem. We all talk out of both sides of our mouth all the time. It's the Orwellian doublespeak.

PETA -- I like my hamburgers and pulled pork sandwiches piled high with meat. If you want to eat roots and shrubs, go right ahead. But mankind and nature works in a cycle with predators and prey. Who the Hell are we to decide to change the way Ma Nature has designed us and this world. Go buy a stuffed lamb and have a good night.

"CHARACTER" -- When was the last time you saw one of our elected elites actually have a brain AND a pair of balls? The folks that get into positions of power in this nation do so because the voters are alienated and sense that they are powerless. We need a unifying message from a strong leader to push through some changes.

VIAGRA -- Now this was a worthwhile R & D project! Whoa Nelly!!

FAMILY DINNERS -- Where did these go to? How much time do folks spend with their families all together to share and communicate? Do you know what your kid did today?

BRITNEY SPEARS/CHRISTINA AGUILERA -- I feel like I am looking at a living incarnation of the book "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov. Just a symptom of us bombarding our young folks with images of sexuality. The kids don't need to know how to rub that genie in a bottle at age twelve, IMHO.

JESSE HELMS -- He tells it like it is, no candy-coating. I especially loved how he told the UN to shove it recently.

MADELINE ALBRIGHT -- She ain't no Thatcher. I think they assembled her from the scraps of former Cabinet members from the previous three administrations.

GAY RIGHTS - I don't care where you stick it, just don't tell me about it. These are private matters. You and Bruce or Drew can have your Wesson Oil parties on your own time. Don't care if it's genetic or learned.

FREE TRADE -- Let's ship all of our jobs to overseas people who earn 2 cents a day who hate the USA so that Americans can be unemployed.

GERALDO RIVERA - One of my favorite celebrity faces to staple to the head section of a Police Silhouette Target.
'nuf said.

TALKING HEADS/24HR NEWS -- I am sick to Death of all of these policy wonks. All we get is minute, detailed autopsies of every word, facial expression, musical background, and bowel movement of each candidate for office. NEWS AT ELEVEN, MCCAIN HAS CORN IN HIS TURDS!! Did ya' ever stop to think that with all of that airtime the media has GOT to fill it! Hence the increased coverage of local events being blown out of proportion to make a big scandal.

REBEL FLAGS -- If you don't like it. Don't look at it and go somewhere else. It is a symbol of proud heritage. There are some fourty other States you liberals can move to where you won't have to see one. I, for one, love driving home to my Grandfolk's house (now my parents') in Glynn County, GA and passing the City Hall/Gvt Complex and seeing the GA State Flag. It means I am back to my roots. For all the talk of freedoms and first amendment rights, it sure seems the media and liberals are damned selective.

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT -- I like my justice deep fried. Executions should be televised. IT'd be one HELL of a deterrent. To the Devil with this rehabilational crap and endless appeals. These jails are pretty stocious. Cable TV, gyms to work out in, air conditioning too. What ever happened to chain gangs and forced labor?

SMART GUNS -- Just make sure mine has Intel Inside. In all seriousness, why not educate the user of the gun? Hell, we cannot even make a damned PC that fucntions reliably, let alone a gun. I can see it now,... WINDOWS 2003 FOR BERETTA AND M-9 CLONES< VERSION II. Here's a tip: See Jeff Cooper's FOUR RULES.


OK, rant mode off.




[This message has been edited by Bulldozer (edited February 09, 2000).]
 
Actually I'm glad disco came around back in the 70s. It got me interested in country music. Go crank up some Hank Jr!!
 
Oh, boy, HS and Bulldozer. I say, this was the best thread I have read in decades! You are the men of my dreams! Thank you for the best start of a day I have experienced in a very long time (I don't get out much)!

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Nancy

file:///C:/My%20Documents/donttread.gif
 
KRISTIANITY- I get so tired of Kristians infringing upon the rights of good honest Americans. It seems that Kristians like to whine about religious freedom, but it is only their god that matters. Religious freedom does not apply to you unless you are a Kristian. What is this, Great Britain? A nation where the Druids cannot hold worship at stonehenge because the government declared their temple a national monument.

FOREIGN AID- It accounts for about 1% of our government spending, quit crying over spilled milk.

SEX- Why is that such a taboo subject? Over in Denmark where they have the least restrictive ponography laws of any western nation, they also as a result have the lowest rates of sex crimes.

ALCOHOL- Why do you need to show a DRIVER'S LICENCE to buy liquor, it's illegal to drink and drive? Oh I forgot we need to stop certain adults from making their own descions about drinking.

CENSORSHIP- It's unconstitutional and contrary to the basis of a free society.

OPEN CONTAINER LAWS- Do you honestly give a hoot if I have a beer with my Big Mac at McDonald's?

ROSS PEROT- Thanks for suckering enough people so that Klinton could get elected.

GERALDO RIVERA- Would someone check his mustache for Klinton DNA.

WOMEN APEARING TOPLESS IN PUBLIC- So what, men do it all the time. Ever since the 1920's men's bathing suits have been topless it has not created any problems. Futhermore African women do it all the time.

MARION BARRY- And you wonder why DC has so many problems?

DC'S PROHIBITION ON PRIVATE HANDGUN OWNERSHIP- Per the above coment on Marion Barry, Question answered.
 
Guys, the article was written by Michael Bates, not HS. Read the credits at the end.

And knock off the ad hominem crap. Please.

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"If your determination is fixed, I do not counsel you to despair. Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance."
-- Samuel Johnson
 
This guy just has to be my long-lost identical Siamese-Twin, seperated at birth, brother!!! :) :)

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Proud,dues paying,member of the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy"
 
Bulldozer, I've been in NoVA after a substantial snowfall. just think what how bad it would be if all those soccer moms were driving 2WD station wagons! I dunno why, but folks living in the 3 main urban areas in VA just don't have a clue when it comes to winter driving. of course, I'm living in the land of the left-turn-from-the-right-lane, which can make daily commuting rather "sporting".

HS, thanx for the post. plenty of agreement on most points.
 
While we are on a general gripe and bellyache session, I would like to offer my favorite beef -- namely the U.S. Airline Industry.

Where else can one pay a substantial fee to be lied to by unwitting gate agents, reservations agents and other officials about flight schedules and delays?

Where else can one place one's life i nthe hands of a business that considers limiting maintenance expense?

Where else can one be crammed into a seat suitable for a pet dog?

Where else can a customer be held for interogation because the airplane seat was broken and would not remain in an "Upright and Locked Position" durinf takeoff and landing?

Where else is the customer's safety dependent upon security personel earning the minimum wage and, often, lacking even the most basic training in the detection of airline contraband?

Anyway, after flying all over the world, I have decided to quit commercial aviation in favor of autos, trains, and ships. At least when there are screw ups with these alternatives the passenger has a chance to fight his way out.

Thank you for your kind attention. I feel much better now.
 
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