WomenSoft Co. Tech Support notice

E

El Chimango Pete

New member
This turned up on the 'net, forwarded by a friend (to whom, if lurking, "thank you") - some of you have probably seen it. I've made one small update to make it 'gun related' though many of you can think of others. Call this one 'Version 1.01' - though I 'upgraded' sometime around the Atari, it was valid then as now

To: WomenSoft Corp.
Subject: Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5, and Saturday Football 5.0, Buyinganothergun 3.11, no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, Joe
------------------------

Dear Joe:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0, and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.
 
Pete, Input this data to Wife 1.0...
Systems failure ! :(
Does not compute...
Tried hitting esc/del but hard drive crashed!
Now have a floppy disc with no backup.
Tried shift/run alt - No luck either
Now have Read Only Memory of better days ;)
Think my file's been corrupted ?
Going to try & re-boot but will a Size Nine do the trick ?
After all this trouble, now only have Micro Soft with little drive & nil hard files.


------------------
"The Gun from Down Under !"
http://www.para1911fanclub.w3.to/
 
BAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!!!! to BOTH of you! :) :) :) ;) :) :) :)

I LOVE it! It's goin to my friends and family!

------------------
John/az

"The middle of the road between the extremes of good and evil, is evil. When freedom is at stake, your silence is not golden, it's yellow..." RKBA!

http://www.countdown9199.com
 
I LOVE IT! I've got one of these, but mine seems to be defective. The mute function doesn't work and I can't find an "off" switch. :)
 
Fellas,
You’ve been lied to!

I searched the marketplace and found third-party producer - RealWoman!
And their product is just amazing! It is the answer I was searching for.

I switched from WomenSoft 1.0 to RealWoman 1.0 and my problems
went away.

Oh, yes, I did have some residual payments to WomenSoft 1.0 because
of my obligations under the ChildSupport provisions, but eventually those
obligations were terminated by virtue of age.

This new RealWoman 1.0 is a humdinger! The Operating System
accomplishes more than the old WomanSoft system ever was aware of.
Now this is an Operating System you can get your arms around!
RealWoman not only brings home the bacon but fixes the meals and
runs the entire house, except for some small tasks I prefer to do myself.

Program maintenance has been nil. RealWoman seems to be
self-updating and compromises to let me do anything within reason.

The HomeOffice Suite application program included with RealWoman1.0
is so much better than the old RepublicanWorks program I was burdened
with for years! (That danged RepublicanWorks programs was really only
a word processor that had few real functions of its own.)

RealWoman is so accommodating that I have been able to afford new
play toys and time at the range to participate in noisy games.

Although the floppies included with RealWoman 1.0 are truly amazing
(and that’s as far as I’m going in THAT direction!) it is the hard drive
functions of RealWoman that amaze me. Deliberate, calibrated,
intensive, and unending fault protection and problem solving subroutines
have saved me from countless severe system faults.

Skip WomenSoft products. Why go with their products just because they
have big name? Their programs are deceptive, troublesome, upkeep is
expensive, and their output is unreliable. Remember, you are in charge
of your life. If WomenSoft is counterproductive, do not believe their Tech
Support party line. Do not be afraid to change from a program, ANY
program, that is hurting you! If the program doesn’t give you what you
want, drop it!

Get Real! Get with the Program! Switch to RealWoman 1.0. I promise,
with RealWoman you will be happy for the rest of your life.
 
But don't you need DivorceLawyer 1.0 to uninstall the WomanSoft Product and install the RealWoman product? And I think you managed to get off pretty easy with your installation. Most people I know that have tried this have wound up unable to access half of thier resources, and the WOmanSoft product is still running in the background, demanding even more resources, even after you've installed additional resources after running DivorceLawyer 1.0!
 
"Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0."

How 'bout TakeHerShooting 0.45? Works with me, although I am confident enough to say that my husband would consider me a Realwoman 1.0. Guess all you guys can't be so lucky... but there are Realwomen out there! :(


------------------
"...What will you do without freedom? Will you fight?... Fight, and you may die, run and you'll live, at least a while. And dying, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that, for just one chance, to tell our enemies, that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our FREEDOM!!!"
-------------------------
je suis prest
 
Carefully consider the following:

If your Running Girlfriend 7.0 and try installing Girlfriend 8.0 - You may get General Protection Faults and be stuck with JustFriends 2.5...

I recomend Realwoman 1.0 like Dennis suggested... Very slick O/S... Offeres a better entertainment pack AS IS anyways.

:)

------------------
"Supreme authority derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farsicle aquatic ceremony."

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
The Critic formerly known as Kodiac
 
Let me tell you of the system that I bought....

I purchased the boyfriend 1.0 some years ago. I upgraded to the husband 1.5. I've had nothing but problems with that program. Then along came the diskette, which made the entire program crash. I have tried to reformat several times and the same problems still occur. Seeing that the diskette is compatible with all programs, I am looking into the divorcelawyer 2.0. After the husband 1.5 is completely uninstalled, I will go back to the single 1.0 version. It seems that the realman 2.0 is now obsolete. :)
 
My wife is running RealMan2.0, apparently only with minor glitches. But it seems to be most compatible with RealWoman2.0.
 
Miss D,

My version of Realman 2.0 is working perfectly... except for those dirty socks on the floor ;). Sorry you've had so many problems w/ your current software. Perhaps you can try again in the future, secure in the knowledge that there are some compatible copies out there!

:) :) :) :) :)
 
I was going to mention REALMAN 12.00 or REALMAN 2000...

But then I realized this thread was getting silly...



------------------
"Supreme authority derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farsicle aquatic ceremony."

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
The Critic formerly known as Kodiac
 
I didnt know where to post this so I thought this would be a good spot.....

Subject: Windows 98 Southern Edition
Dear Consumers:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Southern Edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen.

It reads "WINDERS 98," with a background picture of General Robert E.Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.
Also note:
-The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse."
-My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
-Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
-Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard"
-Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
-Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"
-Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and a roll of duct tape" pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SUTHERN EDITION:
-OK: ats aw-right
-Cancel: stopdat
-Reset: try 'er agin
-Yes: yep
-No: nope
-Find: hunt fer it
-Get: fetch it
-Go to: over yonder
-Back: back yonder
-Help: hep me outa here!
-Stop: kwitit
-Start: crank 'er up!
-Settings: sittins
-Programs: stuff dat duz stuff
-Documents: stuff ah done did

Also note that SUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or
punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:
-tiperiter: A word processing program
-colerin book: a graphics program
-cyferin mersheen: calculator
-outhouse paper: notepad
-jupe-box: CD Player
-iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 4.0
-pichers: A graphics viewer
-irs: MS accounting software
-irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files
-tax records: usually an empty file
-coon dog: American kennel club records

You'll recognize WINDERS 98 SUTHERN EDITION, as it comes pre-loaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing the World Wide Web.

-Fishin': Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
-NRA: National Rifle Association
-Shotgun: Remington Arms home page
-Riffel: Winchester home page
-Pistul: Smith & Wesson home page
-Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code
-House: Mobile home repair services & movers by zip code
-Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents (extremely long download time)
-Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
-Racin': NASCAR schedule with TV stations that carry the races
-Car 'n truck parts: Junk yards by zip code
-Doc: Veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of
WINDERS 98 SUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob Gates
Head Honcho

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
 
Heck, I had wife 1.0. She got alcoholic bisexual boyfriend 1.0 (runs on ac/dc) I got divorcelawyer 1.0 and had so many problems, I ended up getting her a copy of divorcelawyer 2.0 just to ease all the glitches.

Thankfully I now have girlfriend 2.0. that one runs just fine, but is very processor intensive. Now my I/O runs MUUUUUCH smoother.
 
SOCKS!!? What socks? I pick 'em up (now and again, anyways...)! :D

Why for do ya smack me when I'm not lookin'? :)

------------------
"Is fhe'arr teicheadh math na droch fhuireach"
-Sarabian Oomodo

If it isn't Scottish, it's CRAP! RKBA!

A firearm isn't a weapon until it is used as such.
 
Hey, stop airing our "dirty laundry"! :-x

------------------
"Is fhe'arr teicheadh math na droch fhuireach"
-Sarabian Oomodo

If it isn't Scottish, it's CRAP! RKBA!

A firearm isn't a weapon until it is used as such.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top