How to install a wireless security system:
Go to a second-hand store, buy a really big pair of men's used work boots.
Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.
Put a couple of really big dog dishes beside it.
Leave a note on your front door that says something like this:
"Bubba,
Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 30 minutes.
Don't disturb the pit bulls...they've just been wormed."
