Miles
I do like the 337 Kit gun, but, to me, it does have the limitations I mentioned earlier.
I also have a Taurus Ti-Ultra Lite (sp?) with a 2 inch ported barrel and don't find the recoil that much different than with the 337. The porting gives the recoil a different feel, but (at least to me) doesn't decrease it.
As noted I enjoy shooting it with the 130 grain ball loads and do not find the recoil either escessive or offensive. (On the other hand, I ain't your wife. She'll need to make her own assessment.)
The gun has fast sights and (mine) has a clean, crisp SA trigger and an OK DA trigger.
If she isn't looking at the gun as a carry piece, but rather as something she'd enjoy some range time with and otherwise a house/bedside/car gun - then it ain't gunna make much difference what you leave stoked in the cylinder for "duty" use. "In the gravest extreme" it's doubtful she'd ever feel the recoil, no matter what was in the gun. And at bedroom distances, I don't think the difference in POI between the "duty" load and the reasonably brisk practice load will make much difference in social work practice.
If at all possible I'd suggest she fire one with a variety of loads. If she likes it - go for it. It's a fine gun, but a pricey little devil to buy and then find out it ain't just what she'd like. If y'all lived a bit closer I'd invite you over for a session with mine - along with some other j-frames and various grip configurations.
Your objective - as I understand it - is to find a gun she likes enough to spend range time to become familiar with it, and that is also sufficient for home use. I think the 337 is fine for that, but your wife's mileage may well vary.
My personal preference for something like what you're looking for in the j-frame size would be a Model 36/60 with the 3 inch heavy barrel. I'd also find space in my heart for the Ruger - but none of those are light weight. How-some-ever, you're not shopping for me.
Let us know what you settle on - and what your wife thinks of it.