This is a special report from CBS News:
Good evening, this is Dan Rather reporting from the CBS Newsroom.
Due to new research conducted at the Harvard University
Department of History, we are hereby rescinding our call of a
Colonies victory in the Revolutionary War. You heard it here first--
the Revolutionary War is now too close to call. We apologize if our
premature prediction of a Colonies victory caused anyone to quit
fighting and give up. It was simple human error. As you read this,
hundreds of underpaid and overworked graduate students are examining
thousands of sources to see who exactly will win the Revolutionary
War.
In addition, English citizens have filed several lawsuits claiming
that 19,000 of its soldiers shot the wrong people. They claim that
even though the English army was wearing red coats and the army of
the Colonies wasn't, it was unclear as to whom should be shot. It
could take several weeks to sort out this one, folks. And remember,
even if all results point to a Colonies victory over England and we
declare them the victor again, we reserve the right to rescind that
prediction and again declare the war too close to call.
So far we have not been able to hear from either George Washington
or the king of England. We know that the king agreed to surrender
his army, but due to our revised prediction he has sent Washington
a message rescinding that surrender, saying that "the circumstances
have changed." Again, we apologize for our hasty decision and regret
if this changes anything you may have believed about American
history.
This is Dan Rather. Goodnight.
Good evening, this is Dan Rather reporting from the CBS Newsroom.
Due to new research conducted at the Harvard University
Department of History, we are hereby rescinding our call of a
Colonies victory in the Revolutionary War. You heard it here first--
the Revolutionary War is now too close to call. We apologize if our
premature prediction of a Colonies victory caused anyone to quit
fighting and give up. It was simple human error. As you read this,
hundreds of underpaid and overworked graduate students are examining
thousands of sources to see who exactly will win the Revolutionary
War.
In addition, English citizens have filed several lawsuits claiming
that 19,000 of its soldiers shot the wrong people. They claim that
even though the English army was wearing red coats and the army of
the Colonies wasn't, it was unclear as to whom should be shot. It
could take several weeks to sort out this one, folks. And remember,
even if all results point to a Colonies victory over England and we
declare them the victor again, we reserve the right to rescind that
prediction and again declare the war too close to call.
So far we have not been able to hear from either George Washington
or the king of England. We know that the king agreed to surrender
his army, but due to our revised prediction he has sent Washington
a message rescinding that surrender, saying that "the circumstances
have changed." Again, we apologize for our hasty decision and regret
if this changes anything you may have believed about American
history.
This is Dan Rather. Goodnight.