Mike Irwin
Staff
TOP SECRET
Date: 09/15/2000
Subject: Daily surveillance report
Target: FUD, aka “FUD the Lucky,” aka “HOA FUD,” aka “FUDagator,” aka “Elmer”
Agent: Mike “Skulder” Irwin
Activities:
0530: On station outside subject’s residence.
0610: President of the local Homeowner’s Association out jogging. As HOA president passed subject’s house, he egged it repeatedly.
0713: Subject emerged from home with his lunch sack and proceeded to car parked in driveway.
Midway to car he stopped and issued a “double-bird salute” in the general direction of the home
of the president of his Homeowner’s Association.
Subject was observed with a large bulge on his right side near proximity of his hip. It is likely that the subject maintains his practice of carrying a concealed weapon. God help us all.
0715: Subject slammed his left hand and right foot in car door while attempting to enter the automobile. I could hear subject cursing from across the street.
0716: Subject exited the driveway, forgetting the lunch he had placed on top of his automobile.
Mrs. FUD makes a mean meatloaf and cheese sandwich. The container of stewed prunes was
discarded.
0748: Subject arrived at his office. Judging by the fact that he was cursing loudly enough for me
to hear him from 12 parking spaces away, it was obvious he missed his lunch. I belched, and made a mental note to, once the surveillance is completed, obtain Mrs. FUD’s meatloaf recipe.
0749: Subject slammed his tie in his car door and nearly decapitated himself when he tried to walk away.
0750: Subject made it to the front door of his office with no further incident, unless you consider accidently locking his briefcase in the newspaper dispenser an incident. God help us all.
1148: Subject emerged from his office. It was obvious that he had not been having a good day.
His tie was shredded, his left eye was blackened, and his eyebrows appeared to be missing.
(Note: A later interview with coworkers revealed the nature of these injuries.
Tie: Subject accidentally caught tie in paper shredder.
Blackened eye: Subject’s desk lamp, suddenly and in an unexplained fashion, swung and struck him.
Eyebrows: Subject apparently overheated a “Pop Tart” in the microwave, and upon opening the door was struck with hot filling that removed said eyebrows.
Coworker’s unanimous verdict? God help us all.)
Continued on page 2.....
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Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag.
Chances are he knows how to use it.
Date: 09/15/2000
Subject: Daily surveillance report
Target: FUD, aka “FUD the Lucky,” aka “HOA FUD,” aka “FUDagator,” aka “Elmer”
Agent: Mike “Skulder” Irwin
Activities:
0530: On station outside subject’s residence.
0610: President of the local Homeowner’s Association out jogging. As HOA president passed subject’s house, he egged it repeatedly.
0713: Subject emerged from home with his lunch sack and proceeded to car parked in driveway.
Midway to car he stopped and issued a “double-bird salute” in the general direction of the home
of the president of his Homeowner’s Association.
Subject was observed with a large bulge on his right side near proximity of his hip. It is likely that the subject maintains his practice of carrying a concealed weapon. God help us all.
0715: Subject slammed his left hand and right foot in car door while attempting to enter the automobile. I could hear subject cursing from across the street.
0716: Subject exited the driveway, forgetting the lunch he had placed on top of his automobile.
Mrs. FUD makes a mean meatloaf and cheese sandwich. The container of stewed prunes was
discarded.
0748: Subject arrived at his office. Judging by the fact that he was cursing loudly enough for me
to hear him from 12 parking spaces away, it was obvious he missed his lunch. I belched, and made a mental note to, once the surveillance is completed, obtain Mrs. FUD’s meatloaf recipe.
0749: Subject slammed his tie in his car door and nearly decapitated himself when he tried to walk away.
0750: Subject made it to the front door of his office with no further incident, unless you consider accidently locking his briefcase in the newspaper dispenser an incident. God help us all.
1148: Subject emerged from his office. It was obvious that he had not been having a good day.
His tie was shredded, his left eye was blackened, and his eyebrows appeared to be missing.
(Note: A later interview with coworkers revealed the nature of these injuries.
Tie: Subject accidentally caught tie in paper shredder.
Blackened eye: Subject’s desk lamp, suddenly and in an unexplained fashion, swung and struck him.
Eyebrows: Subject apparently overheated a “Pop Tart” in the microwave, and upon opening the door was struck with hot filling that removed said eyebrows.
Coworker’s unanimous verdict? God help us all.)
Continued on page 2.....
------------------
Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag.
Chances are he knows how to use it.
