Since a few bit finger tales comes forth from the "right tool" thread in shotgun section, I decided to share a little diddy 'bout the day the "baby" the pet squirrel and the "Meter Reader" (mr from here on out) got themselves aquainted.
So we had raised this little bugger that fell from the nest since just after some fur started and eyes were not yet fully opened... He lived a charmed life. His cage that sarted as a 2X3X4 wood frame was enlarged as he grew to become a 7 foot tall double decker condo.
Had all the amenities a squirrel would expect, hand made nest box and fresh bedding always available as he seemed like a tidy bedroom. Always peanuts and corn available and during holidays we would stock up on the mixed nuts so he usually had walnuts, brazil nuts and hazel nuts stashed all over. We would handle him often and he knew he was a spoiled little brat. Since he was a wild captured animal he still had that tendency... so I put a little sign on the cage that read "My Name Is BABY, I BITE So Watch Yer Nuts"....
I arrive home from work one day and there is blood everywhere in the carport... The walls, ceiling and obviously the floor. It looked like someone had killed and butchered a one ton bull with a claw hammer and hatchet. I look around to see evidence of B&E and possibly a dead dog or clothing items from a dog bit perp.
None was found so as the month passed I was perplexed... One day I am sittin' out there in the carport "for shade" swilling a few beers and tossin' back some of that fine mountain grown "unaged corn liquor" when the black mr shows up to read it. Black doesn't matter much but a high class respectful black man can be hilarious to hear and watch tell an exciting funny story...
So the story goes a little like this... He had been seein' "Baby" for many months and had even been bringing him candies like Bit-O-Honey or Squirrel Nut Chews and would give him a piece and poke his finger in the wire and pet the loving cuddly bugger a few minutes... On this particular month he forgot to have a piece of candy... but as a meter reader he carried little milk bone dog biscuits to make friends with customer dogs. He offered one to baby, baby took it but right when mr stuck his finger in, baby decided that the dog treat was unacceptable and showed his disdain by sinking his teeth into mr's index finger tip right behind the nail. MR instinctively jerked back but Baby didnot let go, this caused a nasty 1/4 inch wound to the bone... but wait there is more... Baby made sure he had a good oral grip now but teeth are now just 3/16ths in from tip and as mr pulled this time, the nail and tip of finger popped right off... mr goes to trying to shake the searing pain away (like a hammer strike induces on the thumb and we always shake it) and realizes there is some blood... he freaks when he sees the blood shooting 6-12 inches out of the tip and goes to runnin' around staring at it and trips over something on the floor and instinctively puts out his wounded hand to break the fall which really set the pain to raging and he jumped to his feet nearly wiping out slipping on the wet blood but caught his balance by grabbing the metal pole supporting the outside end of the roof. This set off a whole new session of hand shaking....
I asked why he didn't read and obey the sign... he said he thought it was a joke and that the squirrel had always chattered at him and seemed like a perfect angel but was now sure it was a demon seed of satan!
He described it as "What felt like an hour" before he got his composure to leave... I probably didn't do the story justice but I hope it got you a chuckle...
Brent
So we had raised this little bugger that fell from the nest since just after some fur started and eyes were not yet fully opened... He lived a charmed life. His cage that sarted as a 2X3X4 wood frame was enlarged as he grew to become a 7 foot tall double decker condo.
Had all the amenities a squirrel would expect, hand made nest box and fresh bedding always available as he seemed like a tidy bedroom. Always peanuts and corn available and during holidays we would stock up on the mixed nuts so he usually had walnuts, brazil nuts and hazel nuts stashed all over. We would handle him often and he knew he was a spoiled little brat. Since he was a wild captured animal he still had that tendency... so I put a little sign on the cage that read "My Name Is BABY, I BITE So Watch Yer Nuts"....
I arrive home from work one day and there is blood everywhere in the carport... The walls, ceiling and obviously the floor. It looked like someone had killed and butchered a one ton bull with a claw hammer and hatchet. I look around to see evidence of B&E and possibly a dead dog or clothing items from a dog bit perp.
None was found so as the month passed I was perplexed... One day I am sittin' out there in the carport "for shade" swilling a few beers and tossin' back some of that fine mountain grown "unaged corn liquor" when the black mr shows up to read it. Black doesn't matter much but a high class respectful black man can be hilarious to hear and watch tell an exciting funny story...
So the story goes a little like this... He had been seein' "Baby" for many months and had even been bringing him candies like Bit-O-Honey or Squirrel Nut Chews and would give him a piece and poke his finger in the wire and pet the loving cuddly bugger a few minutes... On this particular month he forgot to have a piece of candy... but as a meter reader he carried little milk bone dog biscuits to make friends with customer dogs. He offered one to baby, baby took it but right when mr stuck his finger in, baby decided that the dog treat was unacceptable and showed his disdain by sinking his teeth into mr's index finger tip right behind the nail. MR instinctively jerked back but Baby didnot let go, this caused a nasty 1/4 inch wound to the bone... but wait there is more... Baby made sure he had a good oral grip now but teeth are now just 3/16ths in from tip and as mr pulled this time, the nail and tip of finger popped right off... mr goes to trying to shake the searing pain away (like a hammer strike induces on the thumb and we always shake it) and realizes there is some blood... he freaks when he sees the blood shooting 6-12 inches out of the tip and goes to runnin' around staring at it and trips over something on the floor and instinctively puts out his wounded hand to break the fall which really set the pain to raging and he jumped to his feet nearly wiping out slipping on the wet blood but caught his balance by grabbing the metal pole supporting the outside end of the roof. This set off a whole new session of hand shaking....
I asked why he didn't read and obey the sign... he said he thought it was a joke and that the squirrel had always chattered at him and seemed like a perfect angel but was now sure it was a demon seed of satan!
He described it as "What felt like an hour" before he got his composure to leave... I probably didn't do the story justice but I hope it got you a chuckle...
Brent
I even offered the guy a beer or shot and he said "It's all good man... it was my fault." I told him the beer or shot ain't for making amends, it was a thank you for tellin' me the gut ripping funny story
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