Keith Rogan
New member
The writing of the Second Amendment.
Hamilton, Madison and Jay have met at an inn to discuss the Bill of Rights. They’ve been drinking since noon.
Jay: Well, this is infuriating! These damned anti-federalists insist we spell out their rights – idiots! As if government had the power to usurp a free mans rights!
Hamilton: Get a hold of yourself, Jay! It’s not like we have to rewrite the whole damned Constitution, we’ll just add a few amendments at the end and “voila”, everybody’s happy. One more round of drinks and we’re done with it!
Jay: Yeah, OK. So, what’s this about guns? And where is this round of drinks – I believe it’s your turn there Hamilton…?
Madison: Governor Clinton of New York insists that we add an amendment guaranteeing the peoples right to keep and bear arms.
Jay: What people?
Madison: Well, “Army People” of course. What did you think I meant – common citizens?
All three erupt in laughter at this absurd suggestion. The publican brings another round of rum toddies.
Jay: Isn’t that a waste of ink, writing an amendment that says the army and militia can have guns? Seems rather odd, I mean… isn’t it obvious that the armed forces would have guns?
Hamilton: Ah, but you are forgetting Taneytown! Don’t you remember when the 3rd New York attacked the Hessian breastworks with nothing but cheese blintzes and creamed corn?
Jay: Oh God, yes! Worst slaughter of the war! But they say the Hessian dry cleaning bill nearly bankrupted the Officers mess. I’ll never forget the look on the Hessian Commanders face when that sergeant stabbed him with a blueberry filled cruller!
Hamilton: Ha! That was a moment wasn’t it? But then the damned Krauts slaughtered them to the last man, and I haven’t been able to walk into a deli without losing my lunch ever since! Terrible, really… the blood and stale pastry lying in the snow, the stained breeches, the lack of napkins... glorious I suppose, but so untidy. I wouldn’t want to see that again!
Jay: Well, never mind, and pass me the port if you please! How do we word this amendment?
Madison: (busily writing on paper) How does this sound? “A militia being necessary, etc, etc, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed, etc, etc….”
Jay: Shouldn’t you have written “the right of the Army people”?
Madison: Damn it! Too late – I couldn’t possible squeeze “army” into this clause without it looking messy and I’ll be damned if I’m going to rewrite the whole thing. Quit hogging the port!
Hamilton: I shouldn’t worry about it, any sensible person knows that “people” means “government” and if they don’t, that’s why we have lawyers!
Jay: Well, sounds fine to me. Let’s get on to the 3rd Amendment. We need to guarantee that soldiers can be quartered in any house at any time. How should we word that?
Hamilton, Madison and Jay have met at an inn to discuss the Bill of Rights. They’ve been drinking since noon.
Jay: Well, this is infuriating! These damned anti-federalists insist we spell out their rights – idiots! As if government had the power to usurp a free mans rights!
Hamilton: Get a hold of yourself, Jay! It’s not like we have to rewrite the whole damned Constitution, we’ll just add a few amendments at the end and “voila”, everybody’s happy. One more round of drinks and we’re done with it!
Jay: Yeah, OK. So, what’s this about guns? And where is this round of drinks – I believe it’s your turn there Hamilton…?
Madison: Governor Clinton of New York insists that we add an amendment guaranteeing the peoples right to keep and bear arms.
Jay: What people?
Madison: Well, “Army People” of course. What did you think I meant – common citizens?
All three erupt in laughter at this absurd suggestion. The publican brings another round of rum toddies.
Jay: Isn’t that a waste of ink, writing an amendment that says the army and militia can have guns? Seems rather odd, I mean… isn’t it obvious that the armed forces would have guns?
Hamilton: Ah, but you are forgetting Taneytown! Don’t you remember when the 3rd New York attacked the Hessian breastworks with nothing but cheese blintzes and creamed corn?
Jay: Oh God, yes! Worst slaughter of the war! But they say the Hessian dry cleaning bill nearly bankrupted the Officers mess. I’ll never forget the look on the Hessian Commanders face when that sergeant stabbed him with a blueberry filled cruller!
Hamilton: Ha! That was a moment wasn’t it? But then the damned Krauts slaughtered them to the last man, and I haven’t been able to walk into a deli without losing my lunch ever since! Terrible, really… the blood and stale pastry lying in the snow, the stained breeches, the lack of napkins... glorious I suppose, but so untidy. I wouldn’t want to see that again!
Jay: Well, never mind, and pass me the port if you please! How do we word this amendment?
Madison: (busily writing on paper) How does this sound? “A militia being necessary, etc, etc, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed, etc, etc….”
Jay: Shouldn’t you have written “the right of the Army people”?
Madison: Damn it! Too late – I couldn’t possible squeeze “army” into this clause without it looking messy and I’ll be damned if I’m going to rewrite the whole thing. Quit hogging the port!
Hamilton: I shouldn’t worry about it, any sensible person knows that “people” means “government” and if they don’t, that’s why we have lawyers!
Jay: Well, sounds fine to me. Let’s get on to the 3rd Amendment. We need to guarantee that soldiers can be quartered in any house at any time. How should we word that?