Right, you have two basic options:
1) Frangibles (Magsafe or Glaser) work GREAT in a .44Mag!!! Don't get .44Spl versions, get the full-tilt magnums. Frangibles always work better the faster they go, and they're actually safer - at high speed, they'll shatter on sheetrock versus make it through in one partially deformed clump at lower speeds. Recoil will be manageable, because the slugs are so light.
If you have thin apartment walls going on, I would recommend the "blue tip" Glasers. Smaller shot size means less damage done on the other side of walls if you miss the target.
If your neighbors aren't quite so close, or if you're dealing with cold weather and a home invader that might be heavily dressed, switch to the "silver tip" Glasers with larger lead pellets for a deeper punch.
2) A lot of companies make good "combat light load JHPs" for the .44Magnum. Most such rounds try to duplicate the performance of very healthy .45ACP/.45ACP+P loads. ProLoad has a 200grain Speer Gold Dot JHP rated at 1,050 from a 4" tube:
http://www.proload.com/specifications.htm
Cor-Bon's version of the same concept uses a 165grain JHP at 1,300fps in their "self defense line":
http://www.cor-bon.com/ammo.html
There are many other examples of this sort of "shoot hot-rod .45ACP from a .44Magnum case" concept. Power levels are WAY down from full-house hunting levels - compare the muzzle energy of Cor-Bon's .44Mag defense load above (619ft/lbs) with the *mildest* of their hunting loads:
http://www.cor-bon.com/huntammo.html (but note that these are measured in a 7.5" tube versus 4" for their defense load - knock about 150fps from the hunting loads to compare and they're still way hotter)
Lots of others sell "self defense load" .44Magnums, and the vast majority will work great. I'd pick the Pro-load myself, based on the rep of the Gold Dot projectile...but once Cor-Bon converts their entire product line to the Pow'R'Ball concept, that will probably be the one to beat.
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If it was me: in an apartment with thin walls between me and a neighbor, Glaser Blues. General street carry: two Glaser Blues followed by four of that Proload 200gr and the Proloads in speedloaders. Unless the Cor-Bon grouped better, which I would seriously doubt. Cold Weather: substitute blues for silvers, or maybe just run the Proloads.