Stupid things people say to LEOs

M

mrat

New member
At the urging of a fellow TFLer I decided to start this thread. LEOs what are some of the most stupid things people have said to you. I'll go first.

"This aren't my pants"

This is said after you find something illegal in their pants.

A variation on this is when you find something in their pants they say:

"That is not my crank, knife, bomb, etc."

[This message has been edited by mrat (edited July 24, 2000).]
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mrat:

A variation on this is when you find something in their pants they say:

"That is not my crank, knife, bomb, etc."
[/quote]

It's a terrible thing indeed when a man doesn't even have his own crank in his pants.

;)

Cliff
 
I posted a story here a while back. One of my friends from NY was rinding in a car wiht his friend. His friend threw some trash out the window and a cop pulled him over. The cop wanted to write my friend a ticket but he said it wasn't him but his passenger that committed the crime of littering. The cop said since he is the driver he is responsible for anyone is his car he said he was getting a ticket and to come sit in the cop car while he was writing it out. The cop then handed it to him and my friend ripped it up and while in the passenger side of the cop car threw it out the window. He then looked at the cop and told him to write himself a ticket.


The cop let him off!

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"We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion: the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission; which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force."

--Ayn Rand, in "The Nature of Government"
 
I only hadt too sheers, ossifer.

Why is it always two beers? Just once, I'd like to hear a drunk tell me he floated a keg.

You're a State Trooper/County Deputy/Constable, you can't write me a ticket inside city limits, only a city cop can do that.

Sigh. Who keeps this Urban Legend alive?

This ticket says I was doing 90 miles an hour! That ain't right. The speedometer may be broken, but I can't have been doing 90, because my eyeballs weren't drying out!

I'd love to see the calibration equipment for a Mark 1 Eyeball Speedometer..

If you let me go, I promise I'll never hit her/smuggle dope/drive drunk/attempt an assassination again!

Does that one ever actually work?

I know the Sheriff of this County, and he'll have your badge for arresting me!

Psst! He's the one reading you your rights.

I won't lie to you sir...

Wait, wait! Let me get my hip boots on before you go any further!

LawDog

[This message has been edited by LawDog (edited July 25, 2000).]
 
Another officer and I walked into a poker game one night while answerring an unrelated call. We had obviously just stumbled on to a friendly game and not a high stakes gambeling operation. I didn't particularly vare that they were playing cards and had not mentioned it but one of the players was nervious. He volunteerly stated, We ain't gambelin' officer".
I asked why there was money on the table then. His answer was, "That's how we keep score". I guess there were no tooth picks in the house.

Another good one I always enjoyed was the police garage in Kansas City. The department has what is referred to as number two garage located at I-35 and Prospect. It is manned 24/7 and used for the offcier to get the oil changed on their units and to refuel during shift. It is clearly marked Police Garage and is for police cars ONLY. Regularly a drunk driver will pull up to one of the pumps. When he has not received service in a timely manner he will inveribly begin honking and cussing the attendant to get his lazy arse out there and pump his gas. The attendant never has time. He is far too busy calling dispatch requesting an officer to make the DWI arrest.

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Gunslinger
 
I got pulled over once in Dallas...cop asked me why I was going so fast (80 in a 55)...

Well, I guess he appreciated honesty.

I told him "because I diddn't see you". Obviously if I had seen him I would have slowed down...

He let me go...god I love cool cops.
 
Stupidest one I ever read of was the guy whose image was caught on tape as he approached a woman at an ATM. It was late at night and he was holding a knife point forward. She ran. When they picked him up he told the cops "I just wanted to ask if she'd like to buy a knife!"

Yeah, suuuuuuure.....

Dumbest thing ever said at a traffic stop was probably my high school friend Bruce. A county cop pulled him over after a very high speed run, and he says, "Hey, this is a surplus State Trooper car I'm driving! You ain't supposed to be able to catch me! I want my money back!"

Nice guy, Bruce, but a few rounds short of a full mag in the brain department.
 
Picture this. ATM machine at a gas station, just inside the glass door. Subjects back a pickup through the glass, knocking ATM over. Twit standing in truck bed hits head on window frame, knocking him unconcious. Truck pulls forward, rolling twit off of tailgate. Truck pulls back again, over twit, driver hops out, loops tow chain around ATM, jumps in and takes off, dragging ATM machine over Twit. Halfway out of the lot, driver discovers something missing, runs back and helps Twit into back of truck, takes off. ATM snags on curb, rips bumper off truck. Driver rehooks chain, leaves bumper and License plate. We didn't really need it, as we just followed the gouges and paint marks up to the guy's garage door. Clerk behind counter also recognised Twit as an employee. ATM machine was out of service and hadn't had any money in it for over two weeks.

[This message has been edited by enfieldj (edited July 25, 2000).]
 
Holy mental retardation, Batman! I read about that one in the paper, Enfield, unless there was another case where they tried to drag an ATM and left a license plate behind on a bumper. But the account I read left all that other fun stuff out....
 
Said to me while I was getting a mutts pedigree in Queens Central Booking. "My mother was never no maiden!" Or "Don`t you call my two kids siblings!" Or "My daughters boyfriend is constantly fornicating in the sink!" She meant urinating.
Officer to motorist. "You ran the red light." Motorist to officer. "I was picking my nose." I wrote the ticket.
 
After nabbing the little juvie SOB in a store well after closing, with a lot of loot stuffed in his pockets and a bag (the window being broken out with a cement block).

His mother said, at the station: "My Johnny didn't do that, you're picking on him."

Sure, woman, I went to your home, kidnapped the little a$$hole, broke out the window, tossed his sorry butt in the store and filled his pockets before arresting him.
 
I asked a guy how much he drank before he wrecked. Said I didn't drink anything, took some drugs half and hour before. Duh huh.
 
Fella I know used to work for the local Sheriff's Dept. told me this one:

He had to go to the house of a known loon to take a report because the loon had been complaining about people tearing up his yard by riding bikes through it.

LEO asks, "Did you get a good look at him? Can you give me a description?"

Loon answered, "I never got a good look at him 'cuz every time I looked out the window he took his head off and put it under his arm."

No joke.
 
My hat's off to all you LEO's.
I don't think I could handle it. :)

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"Lead, follow or get the HELL out of the way."
 
This story was told to me by a LEO.

Traffic stop for possible DUI. Officer approaches car and finds a very happy drunk. Driver cooperates and goes through the field sobriety test. Failed all tests. LEO is about to place the guy under arrest and he asks the guy "Where did you have your last drink?" Drunk repies " I havn't yet."

Cop could not stop laughing. I think he ended up driving the guy home.

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"Some people spend an entire liftime wondering if they made a difference. Marines don't have that problem."
Semper Fi
 
enfieldj, I hope you are doing well, nice to see you still around.

My favorite when a LEO asks your name you ask if he is conducting a criminal investigation. Why do you want to know. If you are conducting an investigation I am suppose to tell the truth, if you aren't I can lie.

Will you give me permission to search your vehicle.
NO!
Why not? If you don't let me you must be trying to hide something.
Well then why don't you give me your address and I will come over and look around your house or are you trying to hide something?
 
Forgot about this one. One of the guys on my squad took a shots fired call about 0430 one night. Communications calls him to another channel for the narrative on the call. The lady called up and stated that someone was shooting cannonballs in the air and the parts were falling down on the houses around her. She was very concerned.
 
Had one of those repeat callers. Said the govt was spying on him through the walls. got tired of returning to this place. He was a nice guy, just about as crazy as can be. I went into great detail about how, if you lined your cap with aluminium foil, (shiny side out, very important.) it deflects the frenizine rays and the govt can't reach your brain. Remembered the exact dialogue from an old ADAM 12 episode. About three months later, my LT was passing me in the hall, stopped, and said, "Did you tell some guy to line his hat with foil?" (OH Oh.) Admitted to it, and asked why. turns out the fellow wrote me a letter of commendation, said of all the police that came to his house, I was the only one that really understood his problem, and that he's feeling much better now. Letter was put into my personnel jacket.
 
Not really a cop story, but a buddy and I were playing pool, with a little friendly wagering going on with some other patrons of a bar frequented by motorcycle afficianados. We were kickin' some righteous butt with 8-ball...

Anywho, one gentleman, upon doing the double-or-nuthin' routine several times, loses gracefully. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out one of those little single-shot .22 short derringers... Everyone in the place dropped. He stood there sorta sheepishly, and asked if the thing would be good to cover the bet - We agreed, and took possession. It went down a sewer later that evening... I'll never forget the look on the face of the bartender when he put the phone down...
 
My sister was pulled over recently because she passed a cop doing about 75 on a highway. The cop pulled her over and said, "Did you release you were speeding past a cop there?" and she said, "No, I just thought you were another one of the drivers going way too slow on this road". hehehe
he let her go cause it was too funny.

My sister is always doing things like that.

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I twist the facts until they tell the truth
 
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