Standing up to bullies

C

Coinneach

Staff Alumnus
When I was in school, I was a shrimp. Thick horn-rimmed glasses. Nuclear acne. Bad hair. And a serious bookworm.

In sum, a target. A target for those few kids who got their jollies by preying on the small and weak.

I was told by my parents and teachers, "Just talk to the bullies. Try to get them to understand that they're hurting you, and that's not right."

I always replied with, "What planet are you from?"

To be honest, I tried the pacifist route. The result: More scorn, and more severe beatings.

Then I started fighting back. Usually, simply telling the bully to step way the hell back or we'd both go to the hospital was sufficient to stop an impending attack. But not always; bullies aren't generally known for their common sense.

So I sometimes fought. Hard. Not always fairly, either. Lots of kicks to the balls and biting. Sometimes screaming maniacally and making like I was gonna tear their throats out with my teeth.

Amazingly enough, the tactic worked. After a few incidents, word got around. "Don't fsck with The Geek, man. Dude's crazy!" Harassment dropped off to zero by the time I graduated.

Are we seeing parallels here? We are the geeks. The government is the bully. Do we really need to start going for their balls and throats?

It would appear to be so. We tell them to stop, and they beat us harder. We meet attacks with "understanding," and get stomped into the ground.

For what it's worth, I've found the simple expedient of telling them "NO!" loudly and clearly works... sometimes. After I ranted at the FBI about NICS and my name change, they stopped hassling me. (Of course, I'm more than likely on their list for it, but I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.) When cops try to tell me I can't carry a loaded handgun, I tell them to read up on the law, and give them the exact wording of said laws... telling them, politely, to back way the hell off. No negative repercussions.

I don't bother writing to my "elected representatives" anymore. It's gotten me no further than asking the bullies back in school to please stop hitting me. I haven't gotten to the point of hitting back... yet. But if this bullshiite continues, I don't see that I have a choice. It comes down to self-preservation: stand up for yourself, or be stomped.


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How does it become a man to behave toward this American government to-day?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
--Thoreau, "Civil Disobedience"
 
Ahem.

Thanks, Kodiac... I think. No offense, but I'm not relying on anyone to get my back. :)

I know, talk is cheap. Like I said, I'm not to the point of hitting back. Yet.

If the bullies show up on my doorstep, well... I'm really gonna regret setting up a 401(k) account when I got my current job; all that money wasted that could've gone to hardware.

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How does it become a man to behave toward this American government to-day?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
--Thoreau, "Civil Disobedience"
 
Coinneach,
This is exactly what FOUP is all about, Telling them NO loud and clear. Hopefully they will back off and reconsider before it turns into a brawl. If it doesn't, well you can't say we didn't warn 'em.
 
High school bullies, to be fair, are usually people that are scared or have insecurity issues. A volatile cocktail involving massive doses of testastrone coupled by a lack of social skills results in a type of individual who is looking for an easy target to kick around and vent. At least that's what it was like for me. All the real tough guys never gave me trouble; I was harmless. It's the scared weaklings that are dumb enough to harass me. And that's why the more we put up with it, the more it encourages bullies and not the other way around. Being passive only works if THEY feel threatened from you. Not that I am justifying their behavior, just that I sympathize and understand where they're coming from.

Within the underlying psychology lies the key on how to hold our own. And this is true regardless of whether we're in high school, the corporate world, or behind bars. And that key is to get the word around, within the context of the respective environment, that you will not be bullied. As Coinneach's experiences have illustrated, his troubles eased when word got around that "Dude's crazy, don't mess with him". The fighting was only a means of sending that message.

I myself never had to fight. I'm usually a very nice guy so I'm no threat to anyone. And though not intentionally, word would eventually leak out that I am a combative type. Usually the combination of these two is enough to keep bullies at bay. On rare occasions, some people do push too far. Whenever possible, I would warn them that if they don't stop, they might get hurt. And on extremely rare occasions, they might actually see that. They might do something stupid, something in me subconsciously kicks in, and cause me to go from nice to psycho in a blink of an eye. It kind of embarrassing saying this because it makes me sound like I'm stroking my own ego. On the other hand, it's just typical combat mentality to me. I mean, somebody happens cross the line, you don't think about it, it just happens like you're dreaming and by the the time you wake up and regain full control of your body, it's already over. All I can say is, "Sorry? You did it to me, not me?" The overall goal, of course, was never to hurt anyone, merely refusing anyone to hurt me.

I'm rambling. I have a simple philosophy in life: Focus your flow. Flow. Be flexible, adaptive, understanding. Be centered and calm and let nature take its course. Whenever necessary, focus your flow, unify your energy, and cut through the obstacle. No amount of fighting will ultimately solve anything. Might doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left. Only by upholding ourselves, upholding our sense of honor and integrity, will we eventually garner a true sense of respect and appreciation. And that, I find, is the most potent technique in not only winning respect from friends, but enemies as well.

$.02

[This message has been edited by SB (edited May 27, 1999).]
 
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