schmackey, I'm with Stephen on this PMP has the lowest advertised velocity and can be had pretty cheap.
Of the ones you mentioned check their websites and see what their claimed velocity is. My guess would be the Winchester or the Federal will be the lightest. The other too, I believe, are NATO rounds and will tend to run a little hotter.
With 9MM it is not so much recoil, because it has a lighter push than say .45ACP, but you have more muzzle flip. It feels "snappier".
The gun you are using will alter the new shooters perception as well. The short light guns will have more noticeable flip than say a long heavy one like a Beretta 92FS. The extra weight helps keep the gun flat. The drawback is that if your new shooter has small hands a big heavy gun won't be fun to shoot either. You'll just have to strike a balance based on your situation.