Showing support through gritted teeth...

G

Geared Up!

New member
The husband called from work today (most of you know he's a soldier) and started with his usual "Question for you..." (meaning, I have a question that I need your opinion on).

Being in a somewhat giddy mood (enjoying the weather after the storm) I responded "Answer for you.." before I heard the question. Tone changed, husband says "No, seriously, it's not that easy". Dark cloud looms...

The husband has 2 years left on this enlistment, and plans on leaving the military. Two weeks from now he was scheduled to attend training in GA, and would be gone for 2 months missing our Son's & my birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and all Christmas planning. While I wasn't thrilled, it's no big deal. However, the question that was thrown at me was entirely different.

"How would you react if I volunteered to go to ********* for 6 months, instead of GA?"
Me..."Why do you want to?" (It's not a nice place... not at all).
Him... "Because I'm leaving the military and haven't been anywhere or done anything, and this is my last chance".

The good wife says "Whatever you want, I will support".

Glad he asked me over the phone, it much easier to play tough when he can't look at me.

Oh well... the day ain't so pretty after all.

Just needed to share... he doen't read this forum, so I'm safe to vent in here.

Geri


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BlackHawk Authorized Dealer (BAD) - "Better than catalog" prices & free shipping http://www.geardup.com/gearedup.htm
 
Geri, that's a extremly hard and emotional question your asking. After 17+ years in the USAF and 7 of them with wife #2 I understand what he is asking of you.

I've missed my 1st daughters birthday more times than I can rembemer, in 7 years of marrage have only been with them once for Christmas, and then only got home on the 27th.

Have had candybars and sodey for Thanksgiving dinner more time than I want to rembemer. Helloween think I've made it home for 2 or 3 of those.

Our 2nd daughter is 14 months, I missed her 1st birthday by days.

I was in Saudi when Daha was bombed, (missed both daughter #1 and Wife's birthday's) in fact was comming home the very next day NOT!!! It took me almost a day to track the wife down who was travelling with our daughter back to my Dad's so they could pick me up, and go on Lv. It was HELL trying to explain ove a cell phone to a crying wife (who's Bronco had broken down at 1645 and could not find help) that I did not have any idea when I'd be comming home. Left Saudi for home the 4th of July 96!!!!!!!!

We had several long talks before getting married, it takes a extremly specal woman to stay married to a military man. I told her that whenever I'd get a chance to go TDY with even a hour's notice I'd be gone (that is the real job right) She has put up with me now for 7 years and it's time I settled down. I was tasked with a 100 day (no notice) deployment back to the desert and I turned it down as we made plans monts ago for a family vacation.

Personally I would feel like **** if after all this time spent training sweating and busting my ass I'd never gotten the time to put it to use training others in a real world situation that I was a 1/2 assed military puke. Then again this in MY PERSONAL feelings and nobody else. I have served with guys that after 18-22 years have never gone on a single deployment and were happy about that.

If this is his first real deployment you have a very hard choice but if he truely loves you and you him whatever you both deciede on will be the right choice for both of you.
 
Geri:

I don't think we've ever talked on this forum before, but you struck a big nerve (a good one) with your heartfelt post.

I recently retired with almost 25 years as a soldier...spent more than a few in FayetteNam myself. That time was spent in training and in the SOF community and with the exception of my enlisted time in RVN in 1970, it was the most exciting and rewarding part of my career. It also contributed significantly to the disintegration of a 20+ year marriage, especially when I began back to back deployments to Central America.

I know how painful it is for you and your children as he (like I) has missed so many important times and dates. You noted that he's never been deployed during his period of service, and I can understand his desire to "...go somwehere and DO something...". You don't go through all the training, maintaining and study to hang around Ft. Bragg for a few years. At some point, you and your mates have to go see if it works...was it worth the pain and sacrifice...what are we doing in various parts of the world. You HAVE to go SEE FOR YOURSELF! That said, it doesn't make it easier for you or the other wives and sweethearts who go out to Green Ramp and watch their loved ones get on AC and go away for extended periods of time. Quite frankly, we had the easy jobs...you and all the other wives had the tough ones. It's hard to square that with the precept of "Duty First"...it really can't be balanced out no matter how much we husband's try.

Whatever you and your husband decide, God bless you for what you've done...making a home, a sanctuary for him, being his best friend, and by doing so, serving this nation in a way so few citizens ever begin to appreciate.

All the Way...
Mike
 
Awwww Geri, I'm sorry that you are in a position of having to hold your head high again. My husband is gone frequently too. This last trip was four weeks. We've been doing this now for 13 years. On top of that, I have a daughter who is very ill. I've spent many nights alone with her in hospitals while she's undergone surgeries. Doing it alone because he was unable to arrange flights or could not leave work.

You and I have a lot in common. We run our households and take care of many problems. It is second nature to us now. Yet, it does get extremely hard at times to be patient and overjoyed with our situations. Especially on holidays, or in my case times of illness.

One day, I ran into a friend of mine. She seemed really down in the dumps. I asked her what was wrong and she started to cry. Being the supportive type, I instantly run to her aid.

She said, "my husband is on a business trip and I just miss him something terrible."

I said, "You poor thing! How long has he been gone?"

Her reply, "Two days."

It was hard to refrain from choking this woman. :D :D :D
Hang in there Geri. You have my E-mail if you ever want someone to talk to.

Jessica
 
Geri,

I truly admire your fortitude and commitment. I can't imagine, now that Jedi is here, going one day without seeing him, he and I are so close. But, I do know how hard it is to not have a man around, as I was a single mother for 5 years. A little bit different situation, I know, but for five years my oldest daughter never had a daddy at her B-day party, no calls, no belated cards or presents: NOTHING. At least your kids know there is a daddy who cares and loves them, and would be w/ them if he could.

We as women, keep on keeping on. We do what we have to do, and we survive: We must be strong, for our children. So keep on keeping on!
 
Geri,

Like Darthmaum, I too admire your fortitude and commitment to your husband. However, I do hope you tell your husband how you honestly feel about the situation. This must be a very hard thing for both you and your husband. Whatever you both decide, I wish you well. Once again, as Darthmaum said 'keep on keeping on'.
 
Geri - I have an idea of what was going on in his head... and even if it was hard for you - it is DOUBLE hard for him to make such a choice. Sounds like he is testing himself. Help him pass it. You needs you to be a solid foundation for him.
I wish you the best... I am glad I got that out of my system before I got married.

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"There is no limit to stupidity. Space itself is said to be bounded by its own curvature, but stupidity continues beyond infinity."
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
The Critic formerly known as Kodiac
 
Many thanks for your tremendous support.

This has little to do with the fear of keeping things going while he's gone. I raised my oldest on my own for the first 8 years of his life, his father being a little more than a "buddy" figure in his life. It has more to do with what he would be missing as a father... and what our youngest would be missing in his father. He'd make it home right after the little guy's 3rd birthday.

Running the business is a concern as well... even tho the physical work is nearly all mine, he is 100% active in making decisions on the direction we should be going in and day to day activities.

With that said, the decision must be made by him. He knows exactly how I feel and I need him to decide what to do for his own reasons. I will not allow him to let me tell him what to do.

I married a soldier. He was a soldier when I met him and I assumed he would remain a soldier. I was fairly warned of the life I would keep, and I was prepared with the experience of doing it all on my own for my entire adult life. His career has changed direction from his original intentions before we married, and I'm sure he made those decisions based on our "new" family. I feel truely honored to be his wife, and when he goes... I miss him. But, I do not feel sorry for myself when he is gone. On the contrary, I feel priveldged knowing that I have someone to miss... who misses me and our family.

I simply want him to make the decision for himself. He knows if he leaves the house will be standing when he returns, the dogs will be alive, the children will be loved, the bills will be paid, and I will be here... and I know while he's gone he'll call when he can and suffer missing us more than he'd ever let on. I just want him to be happy.

Thanks again, for all of your support.

Geri Weaver



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BlackHawk Authorized Dealer (BAD) - "Better than catalog" prices & free shipping http://www.geardup.com/gearedup.htm
 
"Whatever you want, I will support."

I've heard that a few times in my life, I guess the first one that counted was when I was preparing to volunteer for Vietnam a year after my brother died there. My bride was not happy either, but if I wanted to do it...

When Desert Shield/Storm came along, I didn't have to ask any more and she didn't have any doubt that I was gonna be there.

We discuss freedom a lot on these forums, and there are all kinds of freedoms, the one we discuss here is so valuable to me I can't even describe it. The same bride is sleeping in the next room now, after 32 years married and 39 years together, and each of us having the support of the other to be who we are is a large part of the reason we are still as nuts about each other as we were in High School.

Also touches on another kind of freedom, though. And my thanks and best wishes to you and your hubby both for your contributions to keeping our country safe.

From one who knows it ain't always easy. Freedom isn't free.
 
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