http://www.denverpost.com/scolumns/paige.htm
Shooting seems so American
By Woody Paige
Denver Post Sports Columnist
Sept. 17, 2000 - SYDNEY, Australia - The good old US of A won the first gold
medal of the 2000 Nippy-Spring Olympics.
In shooting.
Of course.
Our real national pastime.
There are two things The States, as we're known affectionately around the
world, does better (and more often) than any other country, and that's (1)
shooting guns and (2) manufacturing tires.
Well, one thing.
We're No. 1 in the universe in shooting. Makes you proud to be an American.
For sport, we shoot everything that moves - skeet, small (Bugs Bunny) and
large (Bambi) animals, fish in a barrel, elderly ladies, 7-11 clerks, fellow
motorists, spouses and presidents - and almost everything that doesn't move.
(Elvis shot his TV set; my uncle shot his ex-favorite tractor.)
Our country's motto is: "He shoots! He scores! He has it mounted!"
So, it was apropos that the U.S. would open the Sydney Games by finishing
first in rifle shooting. Too bad there's not a Saturday Night Special event,
too.
NRA members must be dancing in the streets back home.
We don't care about sissy sports, such as tie-one-dough and that gymnastics.
When was the last time anybody won a war with swords (fencing) or bows and
arrows (archery) or spears (javelin throw)? Canoeing is something you only
do to get to the spot where you can shoot birds. A cyclist is just a target
from a pickup truck.
Our Constitution guarantees us the right to own and shoot guns. We should be
good at the Olympics because we get so much practice.
And the gold medalist was a woman. It was tough enough before, but they can
shoot rifles, too.
Nancy Johnson - from the shooting capital of Downers Grove, Ill. - was our
first medalist in 10-meter air rifle shooting. She is, from all reports, not
affiliated with a gang or a group of elk hunters.
"Winning the first medal," she said Saturday night, "that's cool," which is
what many other shooters say after winning their first medal in 50-meter
squirrel or 10-yard neighbor shooting.
The Olympics need more shooting competition. Drive-by would be fun.
But I'm happy to write that we were doing well in the other sports over the
weekend. Our women's volleyball team upset China. Our women beach
volleyballers and two of our boxers won their opening matches. Our women's
4x100 freestyle relay swim team (featuring Colorado's Amy Van Dyken) set a
world record. Our men's gymnasts advanced to the finals. And our men's
soccer team pulled off its second major upset . . . tie.
An American woman ended up fourth in triathlon - because running, swimming
and cycling (but not shooting) are included.
A Sydneysider offered me his impression of the United States, and he said,
as did everyone else I asked this summer in Europe: "You have a great
country, but it must be very dangerous. I don't understand why you keep
shooting each other all the time."
Because we can.
Because we have guns.
Because we must have a ready militia in case we're attacked by Sri Lanka -
or Australia.
Because we want gold medals in shooting.
Australians, who watch American Westerns, believe that Denver is a big gun
town, that we carry six-shooters on both hips. "We do," I told him.
Australians don't own guns. Which is a mistake, I informed the Australian,
based on the news the other day.
In Jabiru, Australia, a rather sizable kangaroo smashed through the glass
door of a home and terrorized a family for more than three hours. The
kangaroo hopped through the living room and the kitchen and left the rooms
"looking like the set of a horror movie," according to the local constable.
While the family dog cowered in the corner and the 11-year-old son was
knocked silly, the mother called police. Meanwhile, Dean Khan battled the
deranged 'roo with a bourbon bottle. "It became angry and got up in a boxing
stance," Khan said. Maybe the 'roo was training to be a light-heavyweight
challenger in the Olympics.
Khan held off the kangaroo with the bourbon bottle until authorities
arrived. Maybe Khan should have offered the 'roo a drink. You shouldn't
upset the kangaroos in this country. They outnumber people 2 to 1.
Australians don't get it. Just before leaving Colorado, I read about a bear
breaking into a home in the foothills. The resident pulled out one of his
assorted guns and calmly shot the bear. We wouldn't have a kangaroo
overpopulation problem in America.
Australians are not without protection. Remember the movie line, "That's not
a knife. This is a knife."
To be safe from kangaroos during the Olympics, I have taken the precaution
of buying a weapon imported from America.
A bottle of Jack Daniels.
E-mail Woody about this column.
WoodyPaige@aol.com
==========
CLINTON IS A LIAR!
When women are disarmed, a rapist will never hear - Stop or I'll shoot!
Armed Citizens SAVE Lives! http://www.wagc.com http://sites.netscape.net/wagcga/homepage
http://www.mothersarms.org http://www.sas-aimm.org
http://www.2ampd.net
Gun Control: The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and
strangled with her panty hose, is somehow morally superior to a
woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound.
"Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentis telum
est" ("A sword is never a killer, it's a tool in the killer's hands")
Lucius Annaeus Seneca "the younger" ca. (4 BC - 65 AD)
Shooting seems so American
By Woody Paige
Denver Post Sports Columnist
Sept. 17, 2000 - SYDNEY, Australia - The good old US of A won the first gold
medal of the 2000 Nippy-Spring Olympics.
In shooting.
Of course.
Our real national pastime.
There are two things The States, as we're known affectionately around the
world, does better (and more often) than any other country, and that's (1)
shooting guns and (2) manufacturing tires.
Well, one thing.
We're No. 1 in the universe in shooting. Makes you proud to be an American.
For sport, we shoot everything that moves - skeet, small (Bugs Bunny) and
large (Bambi) animals, fish in a barrel, elderly ladies, 7-11 clerks, fellow
motorists, spouses and presidents - and almost everything that doesn't move.
(Elvis shot his TV set; my uncle shot his ex-favorite tractor.)
Our country's motto is: "He shoots! He scores! He has it mounted!"
So, it was apropos that the U.S. would open the Sydney Games by finishing
first in rifle shooting. Too bad there's not a Saturday Night Special event,
too.
NRA members must be dancing in the streets back home.
We don't care about sissy sports, such as tie-one-dough and that gymnastics.
When was the last time anybody won a war with swords (fencing) or bows and
arrows (archery) or spears (javelin throw)? Canoeing is something you only
do to get to the spot where you can shoot birds. A cyclist is just a target
from a pickup truck.
Our Constitution guarantees us the right to own and shoot guns. We should be
good at the Olympics because we get so much practice.
And the gold medalist was a woman. It was tough enough before, but they can
shoot rifles, too.
Nancy Johnson - from the shooting capital of Downers Grove, Ill. - was our
first medalist in 10-meter air rifle shooting. She is, from all reports, not
affiliated with a gang or a group of elk hunters.
"Winning the first medal," she said Saturday night, "that's cool," which is
what many other shooters say after winning their first medal in 50-meter
squirrel or 10-yard neighbor shooting.
The Olympics need more shooting competition. Drive-by would be fun.
But I'm happy to write that we were doing well in the other sports over the
weekend. Our women's volleyball team upset China. Our women beach
volleyballers and two of our boxers won their opening matches. Our women's
4x100 freestyle relay swim team (featuring Colorado's Amy Van Dyken) set a
world record. Our men's gymnasts advanced to the finals. And our men's
soccer team pulled off its second major upset . . . tie.
An American woman ended up fourth in triathlon - because running, swimming
and cycling (but not shooting) are included.
A Sydneysider offered me his impression of the United States, and he said,
as did everyone else I asked this summer in Europe: "You have a great
country, but it must be very dangerous. I don't understand why you keep
shooting each other all the time."
Because we can.
Because we have guns.
Because we must have a ready militia in case we're attacked by Sri Lanka -
or Australia.
Because we want gold medals in shooting.
Australians, who watch American Westerns, believe that Denver is a big gun
town, that we carry six-shooters on both hips. "We do," I told him.
Australians don't own guns. Which is a mistake, I informed the Australian,
based on the news the other day.
In Jabiru, Australia, a rather sizable kangaroo smashed through the glass
door of a home and terrorized a family for more than three hours. The
kangaroo hopped through the living room and the kitchen and left the rooms
"looking like the set of a horror movie," according to the local constable.
While the family dog cowered in the corner and the 11-year-old son was
knocked silly, the mother called police. Meanwhile, Dean Khan battled the
deranged 'roo with a bourbon bottle. "It became angry and got up in a boxing
stance," Khan said. Maybe the 'roo was training to be a light-heavyweight
challenger in the Olympics.
Khan held off the kangaroo with the bourbon bottle until authorities
arrived. Maybe Khan should have offered the 'roo a drink. You shouldn't
upset the kangaroos in this country. They outnumber people 2 to 1.
Australians don't get it. Just before leaving Colorado, I read about a bear
breaking into a home in the foothills. The resident pulled out one of his
assorted guns and calmly shot the bear. We wouldn't have a kangaroo
overpopulation problem in America.
Australians are not without protection. Remember the movie line, "That's not
a knife. This is a knife."
To be safe from kangaroos during the Olympics, I have taken the precaution
of buying a weapon imported from America.
A bottle of Jack Daniels.
E-mail Woody about this column.
WoodyPaige@aol.com
==========
CLINTON IS A LIAR!
When women are disarmed, a rapist will never hear - Stop or I'll shoot!
Armed Citizens SAVE Lives! http://www.wagc.com http://sites.netscape.net/wagcga/homepage
http://www.mothersarms.org http://www.sas-aimm.org
http://www.2ampd.net
Gun Control: The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and
strangled with her panty hose, is somehow morally superior to a
woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound.
"Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentis telum
est" ("A sword is never a killer, it's a tool in the killer's hands")
Lucius Annaeus Seneca "the younger" ca. (4 BC - 65 AD)
