Did anyone see that special they ran about two and a half weeks back about small children and guns?
Story went something like this:
"We intend to conduct a little experiment to investigate the liabilities associated with leaving guns around a house with small children. We contacted several parents with children between 3 and 5 yrs. of age and selected a set of dupes... uh, I mean suckers... um, that is ninnies... oh, well fools... actually, idiots... ah, RIGHT! PARENTS who would allow their children to participate. Notable child witchdoctors agree that a child views a parent's closet or dresser no differently than their own toybox. (Under their breath: 'snicker', this is gonna be good). based on this assumption, we assembled a play room with hidden cameras placed to allow the children to be monitered. In the several toyboxes brimming with Trucks, Teddybears, Crayons, and Colloring Books we placed three real but deactivated handgons. These dangerous weapons were carefully concealed on the very top of the pile of other toys so as to be inconspicuous to the toddler.
"All of our patsies... uh, ninnies... Oh yes, PARENTS were quite sure that their darling little neo-nates would never touch such things as guns because they had spent many seconds on many occasions instructing their progeny in the proper conduct for a young man/woman still in diapers.
"The toddlers were released in groups of two and three into the play room as we sincere journalists and the children's fools... oh Parents watched from another room.
"The guns were skillfully concealed in plain sight, so even we were astonished at the speed with which the kids found them and began pulling the triggers and looking down the barrels out of intense fetal curiosity. Hey, their morons... ahem, parents assured us these were smart 3 year olds. Even more astounding to us was watching them figure out that they had a gun and then participate in the ancient evil gun-culture ritual of cops and robbers while yelling 'BANG, BANG, you're DEAD' and shrieking with glee at their ghastly deeds.
"Now to be fair we decided to address the argument that 'Education about guns reduces accidents'. To this end we selected a separate group of toddlers of similar age and background to the first group of embryonic, brain damaged murderers. To this group with a collective attention deficit span of 30 microseconds, we showed the 4 minute NRA safety videotape featuring the known gun smuggler and drug dealer Eddie the Eagle. While puffing on a cigarette, Eddie tought them the values of guns as instruments of destruction and detailed instructions on how to load, aim, fire, and hide their friends' bodies.
"Next we brought in a police Lt. to give a short lecture. This time when we put into the play room with artfully concealed guns an open tray of dummy bullets on a table corner (snicker, snicker). After once again locating the guns on top of the toys without apparent difficulty, they began immediately attempting to load the weapon. Fortunately the kids were not intelligent enough to know how the gun actually worked or they could conceivably succeed. The cultic cops and robbers ritual started anew.
"Were these guns not deactivated, by our estimation we would have 20 to 30 kids dead or mortally wounded."
WELL DUH! I hope I'm not the only one who noticed that the 3 year olds they used as test subjects probably couldn't even tie their own shoes much less be intelligent with a gun.
Almost as good was the poor sappy colored gentleman who was convinced that his gun was hidden from his kids (same program). Upon being asked, his adolescent daughter led the camraman through the house to the master bedroom whereupon she dove into a bureau drawer and comes up with a loaded .38. ****. of course Mr. Jones is quite embarassed after having his 10 yr. old make a fool of him on national telivision. He decides to hide it even better this time, vowing that his kids will never become a statistic.
Coupla weeks later, who should come calling but 20/20 again wanting to see if he hid his gun better. Oh, yes. This time my kids can't find it for sure. Once again, daughter spent 0.075 seconds looking before the gun is found in a different drawer.
Mr. Jones, your adolescent daughter has gone through your drawers, tried on her mother's underpants, draped her bra over her head, looked at your dirty magazines, found and played with your condoms, viewed the video tape of you and your wife having sex on the kitchen table, and TAKEN YOUR GUN OUT TO SEE HOW IT WORKED AND WHY ON HER OWN BECAUSE YOU WOULD RATHER HIDE IT THAN RELIEVE HER OF THAT DANGEROUS CURIOSITY.
Forgive me, for this is my first TFL rant. Scores on the 1 to 10 scale are welcome.
Story went something like this:
"We intend to conduct a little experiment to investigate the liabilities associated with leaving guns around a house with small children. We contacted several parents with children between 3 and 5 yrs. of age and selected a set of dupes... uh, I mean suckers... um, that is ninnies... oh, well fools... actually, idiots... ah, RIGHT! PARENTS who would allow their children to participate. Notable child witchdoctors agree that a child views a parent's closet or dresser no differently than their own toybox. (Under their breath: 'snicker', this is gonna be good). based on this assumption, we assembled a play room with hidden cameras placed to allow the children to be monitered. In the several toyboxes brimming with Trucks, Teddybears, Crayons, and Colloring Books we placed three real but deactivated handgons. These dangerous weapons were carefully concealed on the very top of the pile of other toys so as to be inconspicuous to the toddler.
"All of our patsies... uh, ninnies... Oh yes, PARENTS were quite sure that their darling little neo-nates would never touch such things as guns because they had spent many seconds on many occasions instructing their progeny in the proper conduct for a young man/woman still in diapers.
"The toddlers were released in groups of two and three into the play room as we sincere journalists and the children's fools... oh Parents watched from another room.
"The guns were skillfully concealed in plain sight, so even we were astonished at the speed with which the kids found them and began pulling the triggers and looking down the barrels out of intense fetal curiosity. Hey, their morons... ahem, parents assured us these were smart 3 year olds. Even more astounding to us was watching them figure out that they had a gun and then participate in the ancient evil gun-culture ritual of cops and robbers while yelling 'BANG, BANG, you're DEAD' and shrieking with glee at their ghastly deeds.
"Now to be fair we decided to address the argument that 'Education about guns reduces accidents'. To this end we selected a separate group of toddlers of similar age and background to the first group of embryonic, brain damaged murderers. To this group with a collective attention deficit span of 30 microseconds, we showed the 4 minute NRA safety videotape featuring the known gun smuggler and drug dealer Eddie the Eagle. While puffing on a cigarette, Eddie tought them the values of guns as instruments of destruction and detailed instructions on how to load, aim, fire, and hide their friends' bodies.
"Next we brought in a police Lt. to give a short lecture. This time when we put into the play room with artfully concealed guns an open tray of dummy bullets on a table corner (snicker, snicker). After once again locating the guns on top of the toys without apparent difficulty, they began immediately attempting to load the weapon. Fortunately the kids were not intelligent enough to know how the gun actually worked or they could conceivably succeed. The cultic cops and robbers ritual started anew.
"Were these guns not deactivated, by our estimation we would have 20 to 30 kids dead or mortally wounded."
WELL DUH! I hope I'm not the only one who noticed that the 3 year olds they used as test subjects probably couldn't even tie their own shoes much less be intelligent with a gun.
Almost as good was the poor sappy colored gentleman who was convinced that his gun was hidden from his kids (same program). Upon being asked, his adolescent daughter led the camraman through the house to the master bedroom whereupon she dove into a bureau drawer and comes up with a loaded .38. ****. of course Mr. Jones is quite embarassed after having his 10 yr. old make a fool of him on national telivision. He decides to hide it even better this time, vowing that his kids will never become a statistic.
Coupla weeks later, who should come calling but 20/20 again wanting to see if he hid his gun better. Oh, yes. This time my kids can't find it for sure. Once again, daughter spent 0.075 seconds looking before the gun is found in a different drawer.
Mr. Jones, your adolescent daughter has gone through your drawers, tried on her mother's underpants, draped her bra over her head, looked at your dirty magazines, found and played with your condoms, viewed the video tape of you and your wife having sex on the kitchen table, and TAKEN YOUR GUN OUT TO SEE HOW IT WORKED AND WHY ON HER OWN BECAUSE YOU WOULD RATHER HIDE IT THAN RELIEVE HER OF THAT DANGEROUS CURIOSITY.
Forgive me, for this is my first TFL rant. Scores on the 1 to 10 scale are welcome.