Bruce in West Oz
New member
Haven't seen this here, so hope you enjoy. I can't acknowledge it, because I have no idea where it originated.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Smith & Wesson, in partnership with Microsoft, is proud to announce their most recent smart handgun innovation: the S&W/WIN 2001. The S&W/WIN 2001 is more than a space odyssey, it is hailed by its creators as a
masterful melding of formerly diverse technologies in an attempt to meet America's handgun needs for the 21st century and beyond. This is the first handgun in firearms history to be endorsed by the White House and members of both parties.
The S&W/WIN 2001 runs at 850 mhz, has 128 meg of ram, expandable to 100 gb hard drive storage externally, has a two inch square color video display unit and pop out keyboard, internet access, accepts standard RJ-11 phone jack interface or optical connectors, and runs a continuous cool 36 watts, with AC wall adapter and convenient 6 foot power cord. The S&W/WIN 2001 can run two full hours on external batteries, thus rendering it fully portable for the field, shooting matches, and general use in rare applications requiring greater than 6 foot range from the power grid. For all this capability, the gun is almost weightless at 9 pounds, 5 ounces, not including the 4 pound external rechargeable environmentally safe battery pack which can easily be hung from belt or shoulder strap.
This will be the ideal handgun system of choice for homeowner protection, as it boots up, self tests, can recognize the necessary fingerprints, retinal scan, vocal signature, user ID, user password, perform sobriety tests, and is fully operational for fire in a mere 52.5 seconds from power on. Future higher speed military models are expected to be "fire-ready" in as little as 30 seconds. Critics argued that the majority of gun fights take 2.5 seconds, and this would render the gun useless against intruders.
"We do appreciate these concerns," a spokesperson for Smith & Wesson said during a news conference, "but the intruders will also have to wait the necessary boot-up fire-ready time, and, don't forget that future models will be equipped with forward looking visible and infrared band cameras which will prevent the gun from ever firing at people or human-signature heat sources when the necessary software has been fully tested. There are also plans to integrate a cell phone in newer models, along with hundreds of popular game applications such as solitaire, with advertising banners."
Critics also argued that the S&W/WIN 2001 can only fire two rounds of ammunition before requiring reload. "We had to make room for the memory, motherboard, and video display unit," the spokesman replied, "so it was management's decision in tandem with government recommendations to reduce the clip size to make room for the smarts."
The President of the United States was so overwhelmed during trial tests, because not only does the gun tell you in a female computer generated voice (with user selectable vocal parameters) how many rounds have been fired and how many rounds remain before, during, and after each firing, but every pistol will automatically download (after election results) the images of all future Presidents and government officials for target comparison to prevent accidental assassinations. The Microsoft chairman said, "The added beauty of this streamlined piece is it's extraordinary ability to simultaneously run Microsoft Explorer and Netscape, so licensees at gun tournaments can surf the web, do research or whatever they desire while waiting their turn to shoot." The Smith & Wesson spokesman proudly added, "It is expected that future firearms will not even require the firing of live ammunition because a person's score can be tabulated electronically and even be immediately internet posted for the world to see."
Naysayers and Second Amendment activists asked the chairman how a man could shoot a duck with such a ridiculous weapon or defend his home and family against predators possessing older model firearms dating from way back in the 20th century. With a smile, he replied, "As far as hunting goes, if a hit gets registered, the size and weight of the duck will be automatically tabulated, uploaded to the nearest butcher or supermarket, and a duck of similar size and stature will be delivered by messenger to the gun licensee's house and the bill will automatically appear on his credit card. This is a very intelligent gun system. As far as self-protection is concerned, older weapons are clearly obsolete, and more education is what's really necessary, and the S&W/WIN 2001 is only the first step. This is an enhancement, and, dare I say, a celebration of the Second Amendment, so I really don't know what everyone's problem is."
The S&W spokesperson had no comment on the fact that independent evaluation labs have determined that the electronically controlled safety feature could be easily defeated with a one cent paper clip.[/quote]
We think it's funny now --- but resurrect this post in five years and people will say, "Yeah? So what's so funny. This is the way it is!!"
B
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Smith & Wesson, in partnership with Microsoft, is proud to announce their most recent smart handgun innovation: the S&W/WIN 2001. The S&W/WIN 2001 is more than a space odyssey, it is hailed by its creators as a
masterful melding of formerly diverse technologies in an attempt to meet America's handgun needs for the 21st century and beyond. This is the first handgun in firearms history to be endorsed by the White House and members of both parties.
The S&W/WIN 2001 runs at 850 mhz, has 128 meg of ram, expandable to 100 gb hard drive storage externally, has a two inch square color video display unit and pop out keyboard, internet access, accepts standard RJ-11 phone jack interface or optical connectors, and runs a continuous cool 36 watts, with AC wall adapter and convenient 6 foot power cord. The S&W/WIN 2001 can run two full hours on external batteries, thus rendering it fully portable for the field, shooting matches, and general use in rare applications requiring greater than 6 foot range from the power grid. For all this capability, the gun is almost weightless at 9 pounds, 5 ounces, not including the 4 pound external rechargeable environmentally safe battery pack which can easily be hung from belt or shoulder strap.
This will be the ideal handgun system of choice for homeowner protection, as it boots up, self tests, can recognize the necessary fingerprints, retinal scan, vocal signature, user ID, user password, perform sobriety tests, and is fully operational for fire in a mere 52.5 seconds from power on. Future higher speed military models are expected to be "fire-ready" in as little as 30 seconds. Critics argued that the majority of gun fights take 2.5 seconds, and this would render the gun useless against intruders.
"We do appreciate these concerns," a spokesperson for Smith & Wesson said during a news conference, "but the intruders will also have to wait the necessary boot-up fire-ready time, and, don't forget that future models will be equipped with forward looking visible and infrared band cameras which will prevent the gun from ever firing at people or human-signature heat sources when the necessary software has been fully tested. There are also plans to integrate a cell phone in newer models, along with hundreds of popular game applications such as solitaire, with advertising banners."
Critics also argued that the S&W/WIN 2001 can only fire two rounds of ammunition before requiring reload. "We had to make room for the memory, motherboard, and video display unit," the spokesman replied, "so it was management's decision in tandem with government recommendations to reduce the clip size to make room for the smarts."
The President of the United States was so overwhelmed during trial tests, because not only does the gun tell you in a female computer generated voice (with user selectable vocal parameters) how many rounds have been fired and how many rounds remain before, during, and after each firing, but every pistol will automatically download (after election results) the images of all future Presidents and government officials for target comparison to prevent accidental assassinations. The Microsoft chairman said, "The added beauty of this streamlined piece is it's extraordinary ability to simultaneously run Microsoft Explorer and Netscape, so licensees at gun tournaments can surf the web, do research or whatever they desire while waiting their turn to shoot." The Smith & Wesson spokesman proudly added, "It is expected that future firearms will not even require the firing of live ammunition because a person's score can be tabulated electronically and even be immediately internet posted for the world to see."
Naysayers and Second Amendment activists asked the chairman how a man could shoot a duck with such a ridiculous weapon or defend his home and family against predators possessing older model firearms dating from way back in the 20th century. With a smile, he replied, "As far as hunting goes, if a hit gets registered, the size and weight of the duck will be automatically tabulated, uploaded to the nearest butcher or supermarket, and a duck of similar size and stature will be delivered by messenger to the gun licensee's house and the bill will automatically appear on his credit card. This is a very intelligent gun system. As far as self-protection is concerned, older weapons are clearly obsolete, and more education is what's really necessary, and the S&W/WIN 2001 is only the first step. This is an enhancement, and, dare I say, a celebration of the Second Amendment, so I really don't know what everyone's problem is."
The S&W spokesperson had no comment on the fact that independent evaluation labs have determined that the electronically controlled safety feature could be easily defeated with a one cent paper clip.[/quote]
We think it's funny now --- but resurrect this post in five years and people will say, "Yeah? So what's so funny. This is the way it is!!"
B
