Quotes and Philosophies for the Drinker

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DorGunR

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Quotes and Philosophies for the Drinker

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison yourdrink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
--Dean Martin

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be
drunk to spend time with his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan

The problem with the world is that everyone is a
few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have
the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the
time.
--Catherine Zandonella

Always remember that I have taken more out of
alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemmingway

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When
they wake up in the morning, that's as good as
they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they
aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the
temptation of denying himself a
pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack
of alcohol. --Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue
the one activity that truly gives me pleasure,
hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork
to my lunch? --W.C. Fields

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of
life, so get wasted all of the time and have the
time of your life. -- Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a
frontal lobotomy. -Tom Waits

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no
sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
--Brian O'Rourke
 
And then there's the Buffalo Theory...

In a herd of buffalo, the entire herd only moves as fast as its slowest member. When a predator takes down the slowest member, the entire herd is able to move a bit faster.

So it is with drinking. The entire brain can only work as fast as its slowest neurons. Alcohol, in typical predator fashion, removes the slow cells, allowing the survivors to work faster.

Conclusion: drinking makes you smarter. QED. :D
 
MORE BARROOM QUOTES

"The day drinking on the job interferes with my job performance is the day I turn in my gun and badge!"

"I can drink an ugly girl pretty, but I never could find enough alcohol to drink a fat chick skinny."

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Just one of the Good Guys
 
Know the difference betweeen a drunk and an alcoholic?

Drunk don't have to go to all those damn meetings.

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"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats." H.L. Mencken
 
Bill the way I heard that joke punch line was.... US drunks don't have to attend all them dang meetings. Ummmm... maybe you are right and when I re-told it I was just assuming that I was amoung the drunks?



------------------
Richard

The debate is not about guns,
but rather who has the ultimate power to rule,
the People or Government.
RKBA!
 
Risky and non-PC:

An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to a single blade of grass to keep from falling from the face of the earth.

No offense offered.
 
ESSAY

Classicus
Feature


Getting Pissed
Some years ago in the satirical English organ Private Eye there appeared a marvelous cartoon by Cluff. The scene is in a restaurant. The waiter, pen and pad in hand, is taking the order. The seated diner, returning the wine list, says, "I’ll leave the wines to you, waiter, just see that I get completely pissed."

Here’s another one: it’s a two-panel cartoon, in the first of which two men are riding an elephant, observed by two spectators. One spectator says to the other, "Look at the two *******s on that elephant." The second panel shows the riders, now dismounted, lifting the tail of the elephant, inspecting its fundament.

This is a piece not so much about elephant fundaments as the fundamental, age-old desire of mankind to become intoxicated–to get pissed. The medium–drugs, alcohol, mushrooms, glue, paint, the ecstasy du jour–matters not so much as the desire itself, which, Aldous Huxley wrote, is and always has been a principal appetite of the soul.

How far back would you like to go? How about to the founding of Western intellectual tradition and Plato’s "Symposium"? In the classical Greek language, a "symposium" is a drinking party from "sym," together and "potes" drinker. Socrates, Pausanias, Alcibiades and the others get together at Agathon’s place for a philosophical discussion and a piss-up. In fact, most of them are hungover from the "sacrificial feast" (goat orgy?) of the night before to celebrate Agathon’s winning the poetry contest with his tragedy. In former times one had to be a considerable Greek scholar to get the whole flavor of this work, because the translations were so insipid. Not so with Christopher Gill’s 1999 translation for Penguin, which not only describes the drinking in forthright fashion but also is particularly limpid on the homoerotic goings-on–the sharing of couches, and the jokes, explained in the footnotes, about who is a "soft spearman" and who isn’t. Plato says that Socrates, who rarely bathed or wore sandals, got himself duded up on this occasion. The whole scene is reminiscent of the Manhattan Baths, lacking only Bette Midler in the role of "flute girl."

The next time that you are invited to a symposium, why not inquire what drink will be on offer and whether the sexual orientation will be up your alley?

Nietzsche says that the apotheosis of art is Attic tragedy, which has its origins in the goat orgies of pre-Hellenic times for which there are no written records, but which, by tradition, are reputed to have been less than sober affairs. Dionysus, the Greek Bacchus, was their patron. Tragedy comes from the Greek "tragos," goat. What took place no one exactly knows, but there is a rumored Greek saying that concludes, "A boy for love, but a goat for pleasure."

So much for the contributions of intoxication to the origins of philosophy and the arts. Let’s move on to mankind’s two favorite pastimes: killing one another and sex. The will to combat, says John Keegan, the foremost military historian of our day, has been sustained generally throughout history by drink. He writes about close combat such as at Agincourt in 1415 when the penalty of defeat, or of one’s lack of skill or nimbleness, was so final and so unpleasant. The English, he says, were on short rations and presumably had less to drink than the French, but both sides were nevertheless "fighting drunk." It is well known that marijuana served the purpose in Vietnam. As for drink and sex, intoxication has always been a great lubricant. Peter Finlay Dunne says the only thing to be said in favor of drink is that "It has caused many a lady to be loved that otherwise might’ve died single."

But there are drawbacks. The Porter in Macbeth has the definitive word: "Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things...
nose-painting, sleep and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance."

Literature has its fair share of piss-artists, perhaps no more so than in modern times. Fitzgerald was ruined by drink, but Hemingway, arguably his equal as a drunk, did not let it affect his writing directly. It eventually ruined his health, but he did not booze when he wrote, which was generally in the morning. Hemingway was scornful of Faulkner, saying he could tell in the middle of the page where Faulkner had had his first snort.

Perhaps the all-time champion high achiever/alcoholic was Winston Churchill. In Wartime Paul Fussell quotes an article in Life magazine by Churchill’s private secretary, Phyllis Moir:

"Mr. Churchill enjoys a drink. At home or on travel, at work or on holiday, Churchill drinks a glass of dry sherry at midmorning and a small bottle of claret or Burgundy at lunch. To Mr. Churchill a meal without wine is not a meal at all. When he is in England he sometimes takes port after lunch, and always after dinner. It is at this time that his conversation is most brilliant. In the late afternoon he calls for his first whisky and soda of the day... He likes a bottle of champagne at dinner. After the ritual of port, he sips the very finest Napoleon brandy. He may have a highball in the course of the evening."

He ran the war at this pace and lived to be 90 years of age.
 
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. :) :)

Best Regards,
Don

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The most foolish mistake we could make would be to allow the subjected people to carry arms;
History shows that all conquerers who have allowed their subjected people to carry arms have prepared their own fall.
Adolf Hitler
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"Corrupt the young, get them away from religion. Get them interested in sex. Make them superficial, and destroy their rugged- ness.
Get control of all means of publicity, and thereby get the peoples' mind off their government by focusing their attention on athletics, sexy books and plays, and other trivialities.
Divide the people into hostile groups by constantly harping on controversial matters of no importance."

Vladimir Ilich Lenin, former leader of USSR
 
Another one from Churchill: Lady-what's-her-name: "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!"
Churchill: "Yes, madam, and you are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober."

Dick
 
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