possession is 9/10s of the law ;)

dZ

New member
SAVANNAH, Ga. -- Your computer may be possessed by a demon, a leading
minister warns.

"While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also
opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter
and corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro, author of an
upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine.

Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken to
a human being. And today's thinking machines have enough space on their

hard drives to accommodate Satan or his pals.

"Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil
spirit," the minister confirmed.

The Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the problem from
counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation
became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers,"
he said. "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to
pornographic
websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations.

"Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering
Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing
language they would never use normally. "One woman wept as she
confessed to me,
'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else
just takes over.'"

The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto
the parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an
artificial-intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it
on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he
recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a
damn liar.' " Then the device went haywire and started printing out
what looked like gobbledygook.

"I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the
minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in
a
2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!"

Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the problem further and
uncovered alarming facts.

"I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings like the
tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs," he said. "I have no doubt
that computer demons exerted an influence on them."

The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now
houses some type of evil spirit.

Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is
possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under
warranty, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace
the hard
drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit
permanently."
 
OK, what's up with the three- and four-round bursts?

That said... Rev. Peasboro needs to get a life and stop checking in at hooters.com every hour. ;)

------------------
"If your determination is fixed, I do not counsel you to despair. Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance."
-- Samuel Johnson
 
Hey jnix,

You got a tax stamp for that full-auto posting software? :D

Why's 1985 the cutoff date? A computer made pre-1985 is okay, but one made the next year is evil? This sort of logic sounds real familiar. Why am I getting the idea this guy may have worked in Congress at some point?

I've never been forced to view unspeakable porno on the internet, I talked about it all the next day! ;)

[This message has been edited by Gopher a 45 (edited March 13, 2000).]
 
Well shoot, if the only demons in my life were in my computer, I'd feel lucky! :D

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Politically, Fashionably and Aerodynamically Incorrect!
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil
spirit," the minister confirmed.[/quote]

He's obviously never met my computer. :D

LawDog
 
Why's 1985 the cutoff date? A computer made pre-1985 is okay, but one made the next year is evil?

Isn't that about the time that "Windoze" arrived on the scene? If so, I'd certainly agree with the "evil" issue....

;)
 
OK it’s time for the government to ban the devil, no that wont work they wouldn’t know what to do. OK it’s time for the government to ban evil computers, no that wont work they wouldn’t know what to do. Oh well just ban everything that's what your trying to do anyway. Is the demon called microsoft or aol? -----Eric I almost spit Dr. Pepper all over the place when I read your post.


[This message has been edited by jeffer (edited March 14, 2000).]
 
Unspeakable abominations? Like Klinton on the TV? Lord, give me Porno! Porno doesn't drop bombs on people. "Hey, hey, Slick Willie J, How many folks you bombed today?"

Porno? Well, if I go to ALF or HCI, my monitor does only a 180--hiding its face from abominations, I guess...

:), Art
 
So THAT's why Netscape keeps going down. I thought I sensed something evil going on. I was even tempted to use a nauty 4 letter word when it happened while on email!

--------
The devil sure gets lots of credit that rightfully belongs to church going folks.

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"But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip; and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." -Jesus Christ (Luke 22:36, see John 3:15-18)
 
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