Overheard at the new NRA store

C

Coinneach

Staff Alumnus
Courtesy of the Top Five list ( www.topfive.com ):

The Top 17 Things Overheard at the NRA's New Theme Store/Restaurant

[ Please address hate mail to: yousuck@topfive.com ]
[ Please address love mail to: yourule@topfive.com ]

17> "What do you mean you don't have any larger than life-sized photos of Charlton Heston?!?"

16> "C'mon, kids! Step right up and play 'Pop a Cap in the Donkey!'"

15> "Betty! Take a shot of me in front of the Second Amendment display. NO!! With the camer---" <thud>

14> "OK, this is a stick-up!! Don't anybody mov... uh, oh."

13> "I wish you hadn't done that, boy -- the people who work here are on our side."

12> "Yikes. Those sawed-off shotgun drinking fountains take a little getting used to."

11> "Attention shoppers, please keep your wallets out of sight. Some NYPD officers have entered the store, and you DON'T want to alarm them."

10> "Would you like a bag of cold, dead fingers to go with that?"

9> "Whaddaya mean, 'cash or credit card'? Just because some criminals write bad checks, you're going to punish a decent,
law-abiding check-writer like me?"

8> "EVERYONE HIT THE DECK!!!! Oops... False alarm -- it's just our new popcorn machine."

7> "A Pokemon model .357 magnum? You don't even play with the Scooby-Doo .45 you have now!"

6> "Sorry. Thought he was a deer."

5> "Our cheeseburger special won't kill you -- the cholesterol will kill you!"

4> "Cleanup in aisle 5! Bleeding liberal pansy in aisle 5!"

3> "How the heck did they get Bill Clinton's face on those urinal cakes?"

2> "Sit still, Grandma! How else do ya expect me to shoot that there beer can off'n yer head?"

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard at the NRA's New Theme Store/Restaurant...

1> "Ever notice that the Target store across the street is always empty?"
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Coinneach:
1> "Ever notice that the Target store across the street is always empty?"[/quote]
ROTFLMAO!
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>4> "Cleanup in aisle 5! Bleeding liberal pansy in aisle 5!"
[/quote]

:D :D :D
LawDog
 
That is the FUNNIEST thing I have read on these boards in quite awhile!

I'll be sending that to a bunch of my friends. :D

[This message has been edited by Mike Irwin (edited May 25, 2000).]
 
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Coinneach:
1> "Ever notice that the Target store across the street is always empty?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But what are all those little black dots in the center of the logo?
 
Along similiar lines was David Letterman's Top 10 Bernard Goetz Pickup Lines.

I can only remember two:

These gun ranges are such meat markets.

Why yes, that is a gun in my pocket, and I'm very happy to see you.
 
Leno was talking about the NRA covention.

"At the convention, Charlton Heston was shown holding a gold plated rifle. Where do you get one of those? I didn't know that Elton John joined the NRA."

ROTF
 
If Elton John joined the NRA (yeah, that'll happen), he'd be more likely to go for something with rhinestones embedded in the grips, and strobing sights. :)
 
3> "How the heck did they get Bill Clinton's face on those urinal cakes?"

Coinneach, you owe me a new keyboard!

I'm STILL having trouble breathing...

I DO sense a possible new consumer product though. Could market it on Limbaugh. I'd buy a CASE. (Don't forget the Algore ones too.)
 
Tuc, if I had written that, the lame ones wouldn't have made it in ("Sorry, I thought he was a deer." Yeah, that's REAL funny. :rolleyes: ).
 
Dave Letterman's Top Ten List from 22 May:

"Top Ten Features of the NRA Restaurant." Copyright 2000 by Worldwide Pants, Inc.

10. Freshest meat in town because they shoot it right before your eyes.

9. Bulletproof lobster bibs.

8. Mandatory seven-day waiting period between ordering dinner and dessert.

7. Tip over 20 percent, get complimentary frisking by waitress.

6. Monday night is Ladies Night, and by ladies we man "guys too sissy to carry loaded weapons."

5. All waiters named "Smith" or "Wesson."

4. Eric Clapton guitar they stole at gunpoint from Hard Rock Café.

3. Movie memorabilia from such stars as Charlton Heston...and Charlton Heston.

2. If cook screws up your order, put a cap in his ass!

1. Bar sells both kinds of Colt .45.


------------------------------------------

My Top-Ten List:

10. Don't have to worry about having 7 of your employees shot by robbers just before closing time.

9. Out of state checks only accepted if that state recognizes NY state checks.

8. Vegetarian fare? what's that?

7. You cannot "super-size" anything.

6. All food must be consumed in a "one bite per use of fork" fasion.

5. Photo ID required for those wanting to use steak knives.

4. Complimentary magazine with every meal.

3. Instant check required for everyone ordering food to go. Checks not denied after 3 days are automatically
passed.

2. Only two types of patron, those who haven't choked on their food, and those who have.

and the number one feature of the NRA resturant in NYC...

1. Menu items must be cleared by a 5 member board; 3 members from the Government, 1 member from the resturant, and 1 customer
representative appointed by the governor.


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~USP

"... I rejoice that America has resisted [The Stamp Act]. Three millions of people, so dead to all feelings of liberty as to voluntarily submit to being slaves, would have been fit instruments to make slaves of the rest of us." -- William Pitt, British Parliament, December 1765

[This message has been edited by USP45 (edited May 26, 2000).]
 
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