OT: "So, you want to date my daughter"...

C

CMOS

New member
I'll bet one of my fellow TFLer's can help me locate a short article with the title, "So, you want to date my daughter".

This piece listed several "rules" that a teen male would have to follow if he were to even consider dating a father's daughter. It's a great piece and I'd love to locate it again. It was apparently written by a father who's daughter was just entering the dating age.

Can anyone help me out with this?

Thanks,
CMOS
 
"Ten Simple Rules for Dating My
Daughter"

Some thoughtful information for those who are daughters, were daughters, have
daughters, intend to have daughters, or intend to date a daughter.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes
or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please
don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this
compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants
ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your
clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I
will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your
waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex,
I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I
require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely
back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no
one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time
for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a
process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just
standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there
is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where
the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts,
tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose
down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme
are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are
okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding,
middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and
with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing
but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not
trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy
outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head
frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in
plain sight. speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have
brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no
need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
Something similar. Don't know how it'll come out with this cut and paste. If it doesn't and you want a better copy - email me and I'll send it as an attachment.

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

1. Name: Date of Birth:
2. Height: Weight: IQ: G.P.A.:
3. Social Security #: Driver’s License #:
4. Boy Scout Rank:
5. Street Address:
6. Do you have one male and one female parent? Yes: No:
7. If “No”, explain:
8. Number of years parents married: Still Married? Yes: No:
9. Do you own a van? A truck with oversized tires? A waterbed?
10. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? Tattoo?
(If you answered “Yes” to any of the questions in number 10, discontinue application and leave premises.)
11. In 10 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
12. In 10 words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
13. In 10 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
14. Church you attend? How often do you attend?
15. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, minister?
16. Answer the following by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely, answers are confidential (that means I won’t tell anyone, ever, promise).
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is in the:
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C. A woman’s place is in the:
D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
Note: If answer to “E” begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue application and leave premises. (Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
17. What do you want to be IF you grow up?

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY’S KISS TORTURE.

Signature: Date:
(That means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases will notify you. You should know that you have one last right and last chance to appeal any decision. Should you decide to appeal, please meet me out at the freshly dug grave site at the cemetery, two weeks from today’s date – at 11:00 P.M. (That after hours, moron). You will know when you have found the correct grave. Please get in the hole and wait for me to arrive.




------------------
Jim Fox
 
Cathy Ayoob (yes _his_ daughter) acquired a new suitor and took him to meet Dad...which meant taking the young man, who did not read gun magazines, to Pioneer Sportsman's Club where Massad was teaching a class of cops. Mas met the suitor while wearing full body armor, several firearms, and his penetrating "don't f with me or my daughter" look. The young man decided to pursue young ladies whose fathers were less heavily armed.
 
My Father-in-law was chief of security for a local grocery store chain. He normally worked in plain clothes. He also had four daughters.
Oddly enough when young men came to see his daughters he was often in full uniform sitting at the table cleaning his revolver. He never had to speak the words for the message to get across. :D
BTW: He and I hit it off right away.

------------------
TFL's official "Curmudgeon Member" and damned proud of it!
 
On the other paw, I was introduced to the father of a lady I had dated and I got the feeling that I had seen him somewhere before.

I had. Two weeks earlier, when I gave him a ticket for Disorderly Conduct.

*sigh* That relationship didn't last very long. :(

:D Oh, well.

LawDog



[This message has been edited by LawDog (edited May 12, 2000).]
 
I had a date with a girl about 15 years ago and when I went to pick her up at her father's place of business it turned out to be at a small Gun Shop. It turned out that he was a gunsmith (damn good one too as it turned out) and had the gun shop as side business in the extra space he had out front. Well this was during period in my life when I was hyped on IPCS competition and he was just starting to get seriously involved in IPSC. He and I started talking and next thing I know I gave him my Colt 1911 from my car for some work. Next thing I know it was 3 hours later and the girl had to go to work. Her father and I continued to talk for few more hours and after that we went out for late dinner. I never did go out on a date with that girl but her father and I became good friend and we are still very good friend. I think he saw me as the son he never had but alway wished for. Last year he told me he wished I married his daughter as his son-in-law was a SOB with no appreciation for his guns.
 
First time I committed college was in the SW. First great love of my life was a quarter Comanche,mostly German girl 6 feet tall and beautiful inside and out. The first time I went to pick her up, her dad, who left a leg behind on Guadacanal, took me into the den and showed me ALL his guns while she was getting ready. I also got to meet her brothers, all 8'4" or taller.I got the point. It didn't stop us, but did add that little fillip(G)...
 
I have promised my wife that when we have a child, if it's a little girl, when she does start dating I will answer the door with my USP on my hip.

In addition, he will be required to be proficient with firearms. That's not asking too much, is it?...

Taco, I can''t imagine a worse horror than to have a man's daughter marry a SOB that he does not like. Must be very difficult.

Keep the good stories coming.

CMOS

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NRA? Good. Now joing the GOA!
 
These are great! I've alreay printed an distributed them to friends who also have daughters.
Actually, my daughter shoots with me so we always leave a current .45 target with the center blown out posted prominently on the refrigerator. Needless to say, it does get the proper attention!
Great posts!
Rome
 
It's also a good idea to heavily plant "Man Mangler" rose bushes underneath your daughter's bedroom window. Leaves a pretty good blood trail.
 
These are great! I always thought that the Lord would punish me by giving me a daughter and then having her say she wanted a guy "just like Dad." Agghh!

A friend of mine would chat with his daughter's dates while cleaning his Mini-14. He flew with the Seawolves in 'Nam and made it very clear to the suitors that he had killed people and it didn't bother him. The scare tactic didn't work on me, though, as I knew he was a pussycat (I'm the only person ever to tell him that to his face). He also said he wished I'd married his daughter and she married one psycho (I had to help get rid of him) and then married some geek. Uggh.
 
Enfield I like that idea!! :D

When I was a teen I can't tell you how many times I snuck out of the house to meet boys LOL. My friend (a girl) down the block would do the same and we would stay out almost all night then crawl back in the window before the parents woke up.

Now I am on the opposite side, my daughter is only 5 thank God but IMO she is going to turn some heads *sigh* she has big blue eyes with long dark eyelashes, perfect little figure, and a smile to kill. She had makeup on for Halloween and I almost passed out LOL I told her she isn't going out of the house until she's 21 :D. LOL One little boy was talking to her at the park and she looked right at me knowing it was a boy LMAO I told her it's fine to have boys for friends but we don't have a phone number and make sure to them your Mommy is a psycho. :D

Seriously for those with girls, keep them interested in school and other healthy activities (shooting comes to mind) they won't have time to worry about boys. I also want to be not only a Mom but a friend, that is what lacked with me and my Mom, so I did everything opposite of what she said. She was right on one thing though "One day your time will come and you will get it all back" :rolleyes: I am in trouble, big trouble! :)
 
Colleen is half Japanese. during high school every horny little twerp for 75 miles around was trying to get her attention like a bunch of dogs in heat. Ways to combat this were, previously mentioned rose bushes and electric fence wire strung low. (that yodeling scream is a great early warning feature.) Also, playing the pissed off monster dad was a big help too. I actually had one kid pee his pants when I found a small 1/2 pint bottle of JD in his pocket as he came to pick her up for a date. She always was a lot smarter than the boys though.
 
MissD I'm glad you answered to this because as for all of you I just have one child and it would be a male, but even at that I have said many times through his growing up which he is 19 now, if he just did half of what I did when I was growing up I would have to tie him up till he was grown. I can relate to sneaking out to meet the boys and going to parties that was still in process after I had to come home to my curefew but when I turned 18 I settled down and was married at 19 and was the perfect little mother LOL in hopes my son would not follow mom's steps.

------------------
WHEN IT COMES TO FRIENDS THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT
 
My finace's father showed me his shotgun collection on one of our first dates. It was real casual, but I knew his message.

Now we're engaged, and HE cried when I ask him for permission. BTW, he hasn't fired those shotguns since he showed them to me.

The BEST defense for your daughters is to raise them with a sharp mind. They'll call all the SOBs on anything they try to do. It doesn't mean that nothing will happen, but at least you'll know that she wanted it to.
 
Gosh these are great. All I got in High School was met by my date's father who would show up with a .357 magnum. I would just say, I'm a 1911 type of guy. :D

Dad's didn't like that answer. I thought it was great. Years later, I understand where they were coming from.

------------------
It is the people who are prisoners of their own ignorance about firearms that pose the greatest threat to our 2nd Amendment Rights.
 
When I met my father in law to be for the first time it was a little intimidating, he is about 6 foot 6, and weighs in around 400. And no he isn't really out of shape, he rides a bike 20+ miles a day. He also played college football back in the day, and everybody who knew him said that he was really good at it because it was the only time that it was legal for him to hurt people.

Well I was there visiting, (they live in a different state) for a couple of days, and he never said anything threatening, until the last day, when my fiance and her mom where gone. He was playing tetris on the computer, and casually looked over at me.

"Larry, I just want to say this and get it in the open... If you ever do anything to hurt my daughter, I will kill you, and I mean I will really turn you inside out."

He then went back to his game and never said anything else about it. :)

We are friends now, but man, at the time, I was pretty intimidated.
 
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