Oops!

[George Hill]

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."



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I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away!

 

[Blueyedog]

Good

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then, he discovered the problem-a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.


Better

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.


Best

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she
said, "bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.


[This message has been edited by Blueyedog (edited February 04, 2000).]

 

[yorec]

Two lawyers are all who survive a ship wreck. They wash up on a desert island and remain for a month.

One day, one of the lawyers sees something floating in. It looks like a beautiful, buxom woman wearing nothing but a life jacket.

They pull the semi conscious woman from the surf and remove her jacket. They stare at the moaning woman for several minutes.

Finally, one lawyer leacherously looks at the other and asks,

"So . . . you want to screw her?"

The other lawyer rubs his chin, thinks for a full minute, and finally asks, "Out of what?"

 

[Futo Inu]

The story of the guy who sent a picture of $40 in currency is a true one. When he got the photo of the handcuffs, he promptly sent a check for $40.

Watch it on the lawyer jokes, now. Damn I hate it when I laugh at those.

 

[Coinneach]

A pistol/PD instructor here in C-Springs is
1) a former(?) Marine, and
2) a lawyer.

T'other night during a class, I threw the famous Shakespeare line at him (another instructor and I were chaffing him), and he finished it with "...all the Democrats!"

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"If your determination is fixed, I do not counsel you to despair. Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance."
-- Samuel Johnson

 

[Libertarian]

A man approaches a beautiful woman at a bar.
She looks at him and says. "I screw anyone. Anytime. Anywhere. My place. Their place. It doesn't matter to me."
He thinks for a second and says "What law firm do you work for?"