On Daughters

M

Mike in VA

New member
When I was dating, I had no idea how much danger I was in. I caught up with an old friend in Philly while i was there this week, he has a very pretty 14 y.o. and is kinda worried - his plan -

10 Rules For Dating My Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in on a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
I found it enlightening and educational. With an 11 yr old Step Daughter and a 3 year old of my own, I've decided it is important that I print those rules out and post them around the house... as well as give copies to the older daughter to take with her to school.

I'll have to modify rule 10, since I was not old enough for Vietnam, but, I'll think of something....

------------------
-Essayons
 
My 14 year old daughter has her first boyfriend, she's his first girlfriend. The first time he came over she took him into my office- four walls pretty much covered with shooting trophies. She gave him a few seconds to look around and said, very seriously, "get the picture?".
 
i liked that mike. i think i'll send to my sister & her husband as they have a thirteen year old daughter.

------------------
fiat justitia
 
Sorry for the repost, I was on the road and wasn't able to check TFL for more than a minute or so. My buddy got it off the 'net, too, but he's not a gunner, go figure. M2
 
I think this is worth printing out on 3x5 cards and issuing to the guys who come calling...

How ever - since I am the father of 4 boys, and no girls... These cards may end up back in my house.

No worries. My boys will grow up knowing girls are daughters who have fathers...

------------------
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
 
Mike- before I left for work this morning I printed this out and left it on a clipboard in our entryway with instructions for all male visitors to my daughters to read and initial.I just got home, they're taking it seriously. Thanks.
 
Just a personal story about daughters and dating, and a word to wise Dads out there.

I once was a daughter whose parents had a very strict rule for all their children that there was to be NO dating until the 16th birthday. Period.

Of course I thought it unjust at the time, but have since had many years to reflect on the constriction. In retrospect, Mom & Dad should have made the dating age limit 18. Growing up is a serious business and shouldn't be confused by adolescent romantic notions.
 
Mike as you know I have two daughter's at home, one 17 and the other 15. These rules are posted on both their bedroom doors. I got them from another board a while back. About a month ago I got home from work and found my youngest daughter in our family room with a cleancut nice looking young man. She was in the process of showing him the lever action's on the wall without allowing them to be taken from the wall. I did not want to butt in so I waited at the top of the stairs, and all most lost it when she told him in a very clear and serios voice "Now this is a CIB it means my dad was in combat and he got this Bronze Star while he was there. He was a master gunner, and that is the his diploma. Do you still want to meet him?"

Rew
 
Back when I was in highschool, I usually went for the "good girls". I found that almost all of them had a strong father-figure at home. So, Good Work Guys!

I remember one father in particular, Mr. Swain. He was my best friend's girlfriend's Dad, and eventually became a pretty good friend to me. Often, his daughter and many of her friends would go to his house after school Friday to get ready for the evening. Since all us guys knew the girls were there, that's where we'd go. Ussually when we got there the girls weren't ready ( and Ya'll know how long that takes,however, I didn't at the time). Mr Swain always had some way to keep us occupied. As soon as we got there he'd give us a T-shirt & put us to work. Over time, we painted his house, cleaned the garage, degreased the carport, and helped add a room to the house. He always said that if you work it right you can get 10 times as much work out of a daughter than you can out of a son. Pretty sharp guy.
 
I don't have any daughters, two boys. I kind of glad about it cause I know if I had girls that by the time they were 18, I'd probably be in jail or dead. :)

My father-in-law had an interesting method of dealing with the young men who came to call on his four daughters. He'd be sitting at the table in uniform cleaning his revolver. I doubt if anybody ever missed the point.
 
I've got to tell you that these are great! Should be required reading for all young men starting at age 10!
Cat
 
By the time I was dating age, all the local boys knew about my Dad and what he was capable of ;).

I live in a small farm town and there is a local tavern, at noon they serve the very best Ortega burgers in existence. I was 11 yrs old and Dad and I went there for lunch. Farmers and ranchers chat, BS, catch up on local happenings, etc. A few of us were sitting at a table and 2 bikers came in, sat at the bar and ordered some beer. Thet were loud, crude but there was no problem until I got up to get some soda, iced tea for us at the table. One of the bikers made a crude comment about how "f...able" I would be in a couple years, and they both laughed. Dad was built kind of oddly...skinny legs, little butt but his upper body and arms were bull-like. So Dad hears this (as did the whole tavern), he quietly gets up and goes over to the bikers and quietly said "Do not ever talk about my daughter that way" ...one of them made a move for his pocket and Dad just grabbed his hand and crushed it with his and grabbed the other guy (who made the comment) by the throat. When I say crushed, I mean it...we heard it. The guy lost all color and screamed. So, with one guy by the throat and the other by the hand Dad walked them outside to their motorcycles and let them know it would be healthier for them to leave town right this minute. A couple other locals just happened to have shotguns on the hoods of their trucks.
My father was a very convincing man ;)

------------------
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes"
 
JBar4Ranch,
I also have three daughters. One is "lost" to me in New York state. She's 32, was married, then divorced the Black Belt who beat her. (She didn't tell me that part for years.) Now she is working toward her own Black Belt and competes at national level for both Kata(?) and full-contact karate. (She's the trained one, I don't even understand what she explains to me.)

The two here in Texas I subjected to surreptitious "training". Over time, I told them every trick I ever heard of as a young man (and every countermeasure I had ever heard). They added this to what they learned on their own (and from their wonderful Momma) and they now know more than I do (by a long shot)!

Tips such as, "If you feel trapped in a guy's car, wait until you come to a lighted gas station (or other "safe' area); suddenly cry out that you are going to vomit and make violent gagging sounds and motions. He WILL stop! Jump out. Call home. I will always come and get you, no matter where or when and I will never be angry at you for it.

So far, so good. They are 23 & 22. They both can shoot handguns and rifles (but no interest, sigh).

Although they don't realize it, they know Jeff Cooper's Levels of Awareness and the full range of optional force responses.

Happily, they both favor "Ropers" (Cowboy-types) and every boy they've brought home has displayed manners, dress, etc. similar to (or better than)our family environment. So far, so good. (Knock on wood here until knuckles bleed.)

The good news is: the childhood and teenage years pass and they become strong and independent.

The bad news is: the childhood and teenage years pass and they become strong and independent - and you will miss them. And you never stop worrying about 'em.

Just love the hell out of them. Never lie to them. Hope for the best.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top