Notice from Microsoft

G

George Hill

Staff Alumnus
Notice from Microsoft:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Texas
Edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped
outside of Texas.

If you have one of the Texas Editions you may need some help
understanding the commands.

The Texas Edition may be recognized by looking at the opening
screen.

It reads WINDERS98 with a background picture of the Alamo
superimposed on the Texas flag. It is shipped with a Leann
Rimes screen saver.

Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse.
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption.
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol Boys.
Control Panel is known as the Dashboard.
Hard Drive is referred to as Wheel Drive.
Floppies are Them Little Ol' Plastic Disc Thangs.
Other features: Instead of an Error Message you get a Winder
covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
Terminology:
OK = ats aww-right.
Cancel = hail no.
Reset = aw shoot.
Yes = shore.
No = Naaaa.
Find = hunt-fer it.
Go to = over yonder.
Back = back yonder.
Help = hep me out here.
Stop = ternit off.
Start = crank it up.
Settings =sittins.
Programs = stuff that does stuff.
Documents = stuff I done done.
Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters
or punctuation marks. We regret any inconvenience it may have
caused if you received a copy of the Texas Edition. You may
return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.


------------------
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." - Sigmund Freud
Hey - have you seen the new Ultimate Super Tactical Match Gun?
 
(sniff) Well, ah guess them Yank.. er, Northern folks need all the hep they kin git. ;)

Leann Rimes? Ah'll be durned. My cowpoke buddy has Winders and his'n has Loretta Lynn on it!

Mah Winders must be purty old then. It has a real nice pitcher o' Patsy Cline (God bless 'er!)

Guess I need ta upgrade, pardner. Much obliged fer the tip.

Y'all take care now, ya hear?

[This message has been edited by Dennis (edited December 09, 1999).]
 
"The good ole boys"..........Just a good ole boy...never meanin no harm.....blah blah blah....been in trouble with the law since the day they was born.

LOL I LOVED that show! I even had a little General Lee with the horn on it! LMAO :)
 
TECHNOLOGY EXPLAINED BY REDNECKS

01 LOG ON: Makin' a wood stove hotter.
o2 LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
03 MONITOR: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
04 DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood off the truk.
05 MEGA HETRZ: When yer not kerful with the farwood.
06 FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha get from totin' too much farwood.
07 RAM: The thaing that splits the farwood.
08 HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time.
09 PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time.
10 WINDOWS: Whut ta shut when it are cold outside.
11 SCREEN: Whut ta shut durin' blak fly season.
12 BYTE: What them danmed flys do.
13 CHIPS: Munchies fer the TV.
14 MICRO CHIPS: Whut's in the botom of the munchie bag.
15 MODEM: Whutcha did to the hay fields.
16 DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
17 LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
18 KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the danged keys.
19 SOFTWARE: Them danged plastic forks 'n' knifs.
20 MOUSE: Whut eats up the grain in the barn.
21 MAINFRAME: Whut holds up the barn roof.
22 PORT: Fancy flatlander wine.
23 ENTER: Damned Yankee talk fer "C'mon in y'all."
24 RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer yer raffle when yore wife asks.
25 MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
 
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