Need advice on domestic situation

R

rugerdude

New member
Okay, this is going to sound a little complicated and dramatic, so bear with me.

MY girlfriend's sister has recently seperated from her abusive husband (an illegal immigrant from Mexico) pending a divorce. They have a 3 year-old girl that is staying with my girlfriend's family because neither of the parents are in a situation to care for her.

Yesterday the husband called their house saying that he was going to take the child with him. They have a sturdy front door, but no firearms and only women in the house.

I have told them that I can be there if they need me, and I will have a mossberg 500 18.5" barrel shotgun (00 buck) with me.

Is this too extreme? I know a firearm is a last resort, but I don't like the idea of an abusive guy who's already upset about losing his kid around my girlfriend or her family.

Any advice is greatly appreciated,
Thanks guys.
 
Try a restraining order.

I think the wife should file one against the husband if she is in fear of her life.

The INS might be able to help and get this joker deported.

The safe thing to do - would be to move the women and child out of the house.
 
If you don't have a court order barring the father of the child from seeing or having possession of the child, then you have problems. Your shotgun won't help. I suppose that you could shoot the father, but I don't see how that will help the child. If mom or dad aren't going to care for the child, whoever is going to take care of that child needs a court order approving of the same. And if the father needs to be kept away from the child, then you need a court order for that, too.
 
My advice?

Have your girlfriend's family call the sheriff's department and swear out a restraining order against the guy. That will protect them in case he comes calling. I would also call the INS and report him and explain that his is a danger.

However, you don't say whether your girlfriend's family has legal custody of the child or not or was just given the child by the mother temporarily. If they don't, then the father may well be within his rights to take the child....it all depends. It is a complicated legal scenario that could end your girlfriend's family in jail for kidnapping if they are just a little wrong.

As for you, forget the shotgun....it is a ticket to jail for you. If he is over there, call the law. If he is threatening, call the law.

Probably the best advice I could give you...not trying to be smart....dump the girlfriend and her entire family and run like hell. Most people murdered are involved in situations like this and/or are having drug involvement. Looks like a good chance for you to be killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I know a lot of the immigrants in my area have a penchant for settling disputes very nastily using knives...I don't know why they like knives so much. But anyway, I'd be outta there.

I would be saying "see ya sistah".

New
 
Too extreme. You'd go to jail. Firearms don't come into play unless he's got a knife and attacks you or them. It's not a tool to dissuade him from taking the kid.:o

Hate to say it, but you'll need to get the gub'nt in on the action. They probably won't do much but at least you can say that route was taken.
 
This is a particularly bad situation as these tend to escalate rapidly out of control. Detach from this emotionally and resolve yourself to remain an unbiased spectator in the back ground...especially if you happen to actually be there when he shows up and he starts grumbling and begins to imply threats. If that happens, dial 911.

If he gets VIOLENT, then batten down the hatches, gear up, call for support, and defend until the cavalry arrives.

But definitely do not make any further "offers" to anyone about anything related to this. Your past offer could come back to haunt you if something unfortunate should happen to this person on his own time in the near future.

Hopefully you don't need to be reminded that the "protection of self and others from bodily harm" rule remains in effect as always.

Get it in your head NOW to keep a level head and to remain polite and civilized if you must speak directly to this person, especially in a situation that potentially could become heated. Also, do not "brandish" any weapon at any time...no matter how tempting. Simple as that.
 
I knew a guy a while back who was in a similar situation (the ex-husband wasn't an immigrant), and he tried to be the hero and came running over when the girlfriend said her ex-was on his way over. She stabbed the ex- and he went to jail (not just arrested) for, among other things, having a loaded rifle in his car out front (a crime in New York). He didn't do much time, but he did time.
 
I agree with newarcher on the first part, but not about leaving your girlfriend. I think if you get a restraining order and alert INS, then everything should be ok, but there is always possibility that something else might happen. In that case, don't use a gun. Call the cops. That's my 2 cents.
 
Explain a restraining order to me.

What does a restraining order do for you? The police don't sit outside your door. If the person in question shows up, you can call the police and he can be charged with violating the order. However, if he decides to kick down the door, etc., isn't the restraining order about as useful as a "no gun zone"?

Maybe I don't understand how these work.

Fly

Edit: Don't get me wrong, the restraining order may be enough to deter this individual, but when the SHTF, I would want more than a piece of paper to defend myself or loved ones.
 
Domestic problems are always bad news. I had a friend who beat up the abusive ex boyfriend. Well the girl ended up getting back together with said abusive ex boyfriend and my friend did 3 months for battery. I wish i could offer some good advice, but all i know for sure is with situations like this, there sometimes seems like there's no rite answer.
 
On the fly,

Your are right, heck look at the number of women killed by ex's that are under restraining orders.

The place that really helps is when that person busts down your door and you blast the heck out of them. It helps show the sheeple on the jury (if it gets that far) that you did everything in your power to let the law handle it.

New
 
Not much....but if he does try something you have documents on the record about abusive behavior. if he comes over to the house but doesnt break in he can be arrested for violating the order.
 
What does a restraining order do for you? The police don't sit outside your door. If the person in question shows up, you can call the police and he can be charged with violating the order. However, if he decides to kick down the door, etc., isn't the restraining order about as useful as a "no gun zone"?
Click to expand...

Here's what it does:

Ruger's girlfriend's family presently is in possession of a child. There is no court order saying that child's father is dangerous, must stay away, and/or can't have possession of his child. The problem occurs the next time child's father goes to the house and wants to see the child. It is his kid. As the father/husband, he has the right to have possession of his kid. The claims of abuse and/or a shotgun won't stop the father from demanding possession of the child, especially since the child's mother is apparently unwilling or unable to care for the child. If I were the father, the next time I'd just call the police and tell them to meet me at the house because this family has my kid and won't let me take him home so that I can take care of the child. Here's my ID and a copy of the birth certificate to confirm I'm the father. I want my kid!

If the mother can obtain a protection order granting her temporary custody of the child and forbiding the abusive father from being around the child's mother and/or the child, at least the family would have a court order to show the police and justify their refusal to allow the child's father to possess the child.

Ug. My explaination is terrible. Sorry, I'm tired.......:o
 
I think it's a mistake to get between a parent and their child, especially if he has'nt been proven un-fit. Call your local children services and talk to them, I would be very careful not to get on the wrong side of the law on this one.
 
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