I can (and do) handload 185-grain FMJ bullets to achieve a power factor of 125, which is the minimum acceptable load for IDPA competition and is comparable to standard-power 9mm ammo. So the recoil is light, but the velocity is low and I seriously doubt it would have a lot of stopping power (or penetration, or expansion) if I were to load JHPs.
Most 185-grain JHP self-defense ammo for the .45 ACP is NOT lightly loaded, it's generally +P, and generates more muzzle energy than "standard" 230-grain FMJ ammunition.
In general, lower power factor ==> lower recoil. So to compare before actually trying, you need to know the velocity as well as the bullet weight, or you have nothing to compare. The formula for power factor is bullet weight x velocity / 1000. The 185-grain load that makes minimum power factor of 125 leaves the barrel at only 687 FPS. Commercial 185-grain JHP ammunition runs between 900 and 1100 FPS, which translates to a power factor of 166.5 to 203.5. "Standard" 230-grain ball ammo is around 830 FPS, which generates a power factor of 190.9, which is right in there with the hotter 185-grain self-defense loads. So if you're thinking of buying 185-grain ammo to replace your 230-grain ball ammo, you may not get the improvement you expect. In fact, the recoil might be "snappier" than what you have now -- which might or might not be an improvement for you.
http://www.shootingtimes.com/reloading/power-factor-recoil-bullet-weight-gives-edge/
The Sportsmans Guide Company has decent prices on ammo and a wide variety. Of more interest, perhaps, is that they publish both the bullet weight and the muzzle velocity, and the muzzle energy for all the ammo they sell. You could look over their offerings, pick two or three or four that look like candidates, and buy one or two boxes of each to try and see how you like it.
https://www.sportsmansguide.com/pro...dgun-pistol-ammo/45-acp-ammo?d=121&c=95&s=947
[Disclaimer: I am not associated with Sportsmans Guide Company, but I have purchased ammunition from them in the past.]