I apologize if this has been posted here before, but I thought it was pretty cute...
"Buying a House"
"It's an honor that you've given us a chance to serve you Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. I understand you want to move up here to New York and buy the old Rye Brook place. That's $2.2 million, and with the customary 20 per cent down-- that's $440,000 -- leaving a mortgage of $1,760,000!Now let's have a look at your financial statements.Let's see, Mr. Clinton, you are the president of the United States, of course, and your salary is $200,000 a year. We usually recommend buying a house that costs no more than two and a half times your annual salary.That normally means you should be looking for something at around$500,000... perhaps a nice brick ranch? And I see here that you'll be out of a job in a few months. What will you do then? Oh, you plan to open a library in Little Rock, Arkansas. Wow, I bet that will be some kind of moneymaker. Now Mrs. Clinton, you're running for the Senate, right? Senators are paid $130,000a year -- assuming, of course, you're elected -- so even with your husband's pension you're still looking at a house in the $825,000range.Maybe a nice center hall colonial would be more appropriate.Mrs. Clinton, you haven't worked outside the house since 1991, but you did some volunteer work. You tried to overhaul the entire national health care system, I see, but no one was interested? But have you other experience? Yes, I see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas. How about this Whitewater Development Corp.? It went bankrupt! And Madison Guaranty? It went bankrupt! And Castle Grande? Bankrupt, too!You actually did go to Yale, you claim. A little bad luck with the law,too,I see. Three of your business partners went to jail. This is embarrassing,I know, but we have to ask because it does, after all, affect your ability to pay. Any problems in your marriage? No? Fine. Let's look at your assets. You owe $4.5 Million Mr. Clinton? How do you expect to pay that off? Oh, you're hoping people will donate to a special fund? So basically you're relying on the kindness of strangers to get you out of debt? I see you also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be setting you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year...probably more with the air fares. Oh...and she wants to go to medical school? Any legal problems? Ah, I see a $90,000 fine for perjury...I guess that rules out putting your law degree to work. I hesitate to mention this, but how do we know you're not lying on your loan application? Of course, you're right... it would look a lot better if you WERE lying. Are there any other legal matters we should know about Mrs. Clinton? Uh, huh...you don't think there's anything to that perjury or obstruction of justice rap. But we're not totally sure, are we? That means there's a remote possibility -- note that I say "remote" -- that you could be trying to pay off a $1.76 million mortgage while making 12 cents an hour stitching mailbags for the feds, while Mr. Clinton is trying to make a go of a library in Little Rock.
Let's review your situation. One of you is unemployed, and the other one soon will be. Your business partners are in jail. You have debts equivalent to more than 22 times your annual income...debts that you're hoping someone else is going to come along and pay. And there's a looming criminal indictment. And your tangible assets seem to consist of little more than an old Ford. I think we've heard enough. Thanks for stopping by. We'll give you a call.
"Buying a House"
"It's an honor that you've given us a chance to serve you Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. I understand you want to move up here to New York and buy the old Rye Brook place. That's $2.2 million, and with the customary 20 per cent down-- that's $440,000 -- leaving a mortgage of $1,760,000!Now let's have a look at your financial statements.Let's see, Mr. Clinton, you are the president of the United States, of course, and your salary is $200,000 a year. We usually recommend buying a house that costs no more than two and a half times your annual salary.That normally means you should be looking for something at around$500,000... perhaps a nice brick ranch? And I see here that you'll be out of a job in a few months. What will you do then? Oh, you plan to open a library in Little Rock, Arkansas. Wow, I bet that will be some kind of moneymaker. Now Mrs. Clinton, you're running for the Senate, right? Senators are paid $130,000a year -- assuming, of course, you're elected -- so even with your husband's pension you're still looking at a house in the $825,000range.Maybe a nice center hall colonial would be more appropriate.Mrs. Clinton, you haven't worked outside the house since 1991, but you did some volunteer work. You tried to overhaul the entire national health care system, I see, but no one was interested? But have you other experience? Yes, I see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas. How about this Whitewater Development Corp.? It went bankrupt! And Madison Guaranty? It went bankrupt! And Castle Grande? Bankrupt, too!You actually did go to Yale, you claim. A little bad luck with the law,too,I see. Three of your business partners went to jail. This is embarrassing,I know, but we have to ask because it does, after all, affect your ability to pay. Any problems in your marriage? No? Fine. Let's look at your assets. You owe $4.5 Million Mr. Clinton? How do you expect to pay that off? Oh, you're hoping people will donate to a special fund? So basically you're relying on the kindness of strangers to get you out of debt? I see you also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be setting you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year...probably more with the air fares. Oh...and she wants to go to medical school? Any legal problems? Ah, I see a $90,000 fine for perjury...I guess that rules out putting your law degree to work. I hesitate to mention this, but how do we know you're not lying on your loan application? Of course, you're right... it would look a lot better if you WERE lying. Are there any other legal matters we should know about Mrs. Clinton? Uh, huh...you don't think there's anything to that perjury or obstruction of justice rap. But we're not totally sure, are we? That means there's a remote possibility -- note that I say "remote" -- that you could be trying to pay off a $1.76 million mortgage while making 12 cents an hour stitching mailbags for the feds, while Mr. Clinton is trying to make a go of a library in Little Rock.
Let's review your situation. One of you is unemployed, and the other one soon will be. Your business partners are in jail. You have debts equivalent to more than 22 times your annual income...debts that you're hoping someone else is going to come along and pay. And there's a looming criminal indictment. And your tangible assets seem to consist of little more than an old Ford. I think we've heard enough. Thanks for stopping by. We'll give you a call.