Ken and Joe: the real story...........

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I was at first very upset to hear about the death of Joe. I was so full of emotions. He was after all "A real American Hero." I just couldn't believe it. Why Joe? Why like this? Why was that girly doll Ken there? So many questions left unanswered. I decided To find the answers to these questions myself. The results of my exhaustive search will both appall and enrage you. It all started back in the 70's. Ken and Joe Met at a party at Barbie's Malibu beach house. At first Joe didn't think much of Ken. What with his Little Izod Sweater and all. But Ken was just infatuated with G.I. Joe's kung fu grip and made it a point to get to know him. It started innocentlu enough I guess. A few beers, some idle conversation about Barbie's extreme proportions, a few laughs at all the plastic people around them. Phonies they called them. Strangely Joe found himself attracted to Ken in a way he had never for an anatomicly incorrect male plastic figure. This was the beginning of over two decades of sex, lies, and deceit! Joe was reaching a point in his life where he was just sick of all the violence. That pinko Ken knew this and sucked Joe into his world of anti gunners. Hard to believe that a guy like Joe could fall into such a trap but he did. They would secretly meet in disguise at anti gun rallies, hold hands, and think pure thoughts. Ken just kept filling Joe's empty plastic head with all this anti gun retoric that he became numb to the truth. Eventually though Joe began to see through Ken. He started to ask questions like, "Don't you think it's the decaying moralcy of society that is to blame and not the guns? Ken would just laugh and change the subject, mostly because he didn't have a clue about the rhetoric he was spewing as is the case with most anti gunners. It all came to a head in early April of this year. Joe had finally seen the errors of his ways but was left with the dillema of coming out or trying to do what was right. It was good to have the old Joe back, even if it was short lived. Joe heard of the groundbreaking experiments Airborne was conducting using plastic action figures and knew what he had to do. He volunteered himself and Ken as well, unbeknownst to him of course. Joe told Ken that they were going to a candle party and he should wear the Izod. Ken loved it when Joe would pick his clothes for him so he eagerly agreed. Luckily, Airborne's experimental laboratory is cleverly disguised as a rake shed so Ken had no idea what was about to happen. Before he knew it, Airborne snatched (not a word Ken was very fond of) up Ken, his head popped off, and his hollow plastic body filled with "jello". Screaming like the little plastic girly doll he was, Ken found himself looking down the barrel of a loaded 45. Finally, Joe thought the nightmare will be over......
Sure, G.I. Joe ended up being G.I. Moe, but he did redeem himself in the end(no pun intended). Joe sacrificed himself for the advancement of Airborn's ballistics experimentation on plastic gellatin filled action figures and for that we should be proud. I don't think of Joe the same any more but at least that pinko Ken is gone and for that I for one am glad. I know this will be hard for some of you to deal with but if you all pull together you can form one of those gay little support groups. We all have our own little ways of dealing with grief. This was mine. That and blasting hundreds of rounds from the utility muffin research kitchen and rake shed. Ahhhh, It's good to be alive!! Well, back to the bus. :rolleyes ;)
With regards,
fz

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Menber in good standing of the "Utility Muffin Research Kitchen And Rake Shed."
 
You have issues, man. Real issues.


Tom


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A "Miss" is the ultimate overpenetration!
You can never be too rich, too skinny, or too well armed!
 
EVERYONE SING...

"A little Green Rosetta
A little Green Rosetta
It makes a muffin Betta
A little Green Rosetta

It's betta
It's betta
It's really really betta
With a Green Rosetta in the centta"



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Schmit
GySgt, USMC(Ret)
NRA Life, Lodge 1201-UOSSS
"Si vis Pacem Para Bellum"
 
Not only does he have issues, he has a poor sense of direction. The General Forum is over there....>>>>

(Look for this there.)
 
on a related note here's my rant

I used to watch GI Joe when I was little. It was one of the cooler cartoons there's ever been along with He-man and transformers. Looking back I like GI Joe today better than I did then, I was more into Ninja Turtles at the time. I feel sorry for kids today, they don't have any good character developing cartoons like GI JOE. Poke'mon is stupid Power Rangers are lame. You know why GI JOE, He-man and Transformers were such good shows? It was because they were developed strictly for a male audience. All the shows today have to appeal equally to both genders. GI JOE probably even gave boys the idea that guns are OK, can't have that today can we.

[This message has been edited by Russell (edited May 05, 2000).]
 
Good Evening All-

Careful, folks, careful....

Interesting profile on one of the newest TFL members to join the discussions....

Best regards,

~ Blue Jays ~
 
He's a few rounds short of a full clip.

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NRA/GOA/SAF/USMC

Oregon residents please support the Oregon Firearms Federation, our only "No compromise" gun lobby.

http://www.oregonfirearms.org

"Janet Reno isn't an Attorney, she's just a General"
 
This is the Central Scrutinizer… it is my responsibility to enforce all the Laws that haven’t been pass yet. Sometime in the future Plastic Action Hero Bashing will be amended to the current Hate Crime Legislation. It is also my responsibility to alert each and every member of TFL to FZs attempt to utilize TFL for Commercial Capitalization. FZ has only related the ending of Joe’s sorted tail… the complete story FZ has for sale in either tape or CD format. It is my duty, for the good of Real Plastic Action Heros to stop this bashing and duty to terminate the Commercial Capitalization of TFL.

I relayed FZs post to my good friend, who also happens to be the Guard on the roof of my Hous….. Place of employment. Sniper Joe gave me the background on GI Joe. The following information is good Intel as Sniper Joe, while not away doing Manly Warrior Work, was shacking up with Barbie at her Malibu Beach House (he also has told me some “interesting” stories about Barbie, her friend Taressa, and himself (Woo Hoo!) (hopefully Sgt Rock won’t see this).

The story is kind of long but it all really started in GI Joe’s Garage. I could go into the entire progressive, downward spiral tail, but I’ll just relate the highpoints.

Joe had a band when he was in highschool, they weren’t very good and mostly used this forum to hook-up with the girls in the neighborhood. Joe became smitten by this one girl Mary, who was utilizing the local Church’s CYO studying ways/techniques on providing males pleasure (she practiced almost daily on Joe, which is probably why he was smitten with her). Joe & Mary were an item for about a year or so. Then Mary, having perfected numerous techniques, auditioned and got selected to be a Crew Slut for the band Toad-O, she immediately picks up stakes and leaves Joe.

Joe was devastated, fell in with a fast crown and was seduced by Lucille, who worked at the local Jack-In-The-Box. Unfortunately Lucille gave Joe an unpronounceable disease, which coupled with Mary’s exploits he was hearing about, really did a number on his mind. He decides to do something Smart and joins L. Ron Hoover’s First Church of Appliantology. Through counseling Joe’s accepts that he is a Latent Appliance Fetishist, and starts frequenting bars that cater to this. He, literally, hoods up with this one appliance named Sy Borg (this was probably due to Mary’s influence) that look like a cross btwn an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over it’s body.

Unfortunately, during their evenings latter “festivities” Joe plooked too hard and killed Sy Borg. The Law had to be called in due to the death and Joe was sent to prison. <This next part is very germane>. While there Joe comes to the attention of Bald-Headed John – King of the Plookers, who has a “sausage” that would make any male envious. I won’t get into the greasy details but you can imagine both the physical and mental injuries Joe received while doing his time.

After his release Joe takes a job on the day shift at the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing anointment utensil. After work he returns to his one room abode and sinks deeper and deeper into depression as he thinks over his life and what to do.

He decides the only way back to a normal red blooded American Male lifestyle is to seek a Manly profession… and he decides that profession should be a GI. So he goes down to the local Recruiter and signs up (remember this was during a time of great need by DOD due to a small dispute in South East Asia so “a few” waivers were granted!).

After training Joe gets sent to California for infantry training where he puts on a He-Man façade. His Squad Leader, Sergeant Rock, invites him to a party that Barbie was putting on for Sniper Joe’s return from this third in-country tour. Now Barbie was studying to become a Plastic Surgeon (she was on a quest to help all her friends… you can only do SO much being anatomically incorrect. Barbie was going to change that!) and she invited a few of her classmates. Ken was one (Ken at the time was very close to a girl named Jane who’s father had some influence in the motion picture industry. He used to influence to keep DOD away from Ken).

This party is where Joe met Ken. Looking back Sniper said he can see how Ken would have picked up on Joe’s ‘vibes”. Sniper said that Ken was a very smooth operator and had Rock and he knew of Joe’s prior problems they would ensured they kept Joe & Ken separated instead of Sniper “catching up” with Barbie and Rock “saying goodbye” to Taressa. (though Sniper then thought about it for a moment and said.. “Naaaa, it wouldn’t have mattered even if they knew, they had “thing they had to take care!”)

Ken just manipulated Joe like an expert puppet master, pushing all the right buttons and pulling all the right strings. It is no wonder, given Joe’s predisposition that what FZ related in the original post came about and he try and capitalize on it.

But rest assured, there are still Real Action Hero’s out there, Marine Sniper Joe and Tuskeegee Airman Joe being a few. FZ has also violated a Law that hasn’t been passed yet and appropriate measures are now being taken by your Friendly Government!

CS
 
Well CS I guess I hadn't dug back far enough. Thanks for filling us all in on the rest of the story. The only thing that bothers me about what you said is what ever became of Mary? You remember Mary.....You know, the last tour......leather. She was a catholic girl wasn't she? Hmmm! :D :rolleyes:

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Menber in good standing of the "Utility Muffin Research Kitchen And Rake Shed."
 
Also CS you seem kind of familiar. Have you ever taken the tour. I hear that the trolly you take the tour on has a shiney bell you can rign when you see something REALLY interesting. Just wonderin. :D

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Menber in good standing of the "Utility Muffin Research Kitchen And Rake Shed."
 
> The only thing that bothers me about what you said is what ever became of Mary?

Don't know whatever became of Mary. While in Montana plucking some Dental Floss Sniper Joe met a cute Jewish Princess. They click tracted and together on Sniper Joe's Pigmy Pony rode like cowboys into the dawn of Montana.

It wasn't that easy of a ride as there were weasels trying to rip their flesh. They finally got out of Montana just before winter. Sniper Joe had horrable nightmares about being an Eskomo, with froze wind blowing around his toes.

Well, surfice to say that Sniper Joe has seen many many things in his life, and done things only few people can imagine or appreciate. I won't get into these as they are too numerous and I've got laws that haven't been pasted yet that I have to enforce.

See you on the flip side. ;)

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CS


[This message has been edited by CS (edited May 06, 2000).]
 
fz, CS...

You boys ain't right.

But....That's a GOOD thing. I for one can appriciate the humor, especially one with a Zappaesque twist...

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Dan

Si vis pacem para bellum!

Check me out at:
<A HREF="http://www.mindspring.com/~susdan/interest.htm" TARGET=_blank>

www.mindspring.com/~susdan/interest.htm</A>
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I for one can appriciate the humor, especially one with a Zappaesque twist...
[/quote]

A law prohibiting humor (and most specifically any type of "esque" humor) will be passed in the future... additionally legislation has already been enacted making English the American language. TFL is an American BB and you have spoken Latin on it...

You will be visited shortly by Friendly Government Agents!!!!

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CS

[This message has been edited by CS (edited May 06, 2000).]
 
It is a strange and sorted world isn't it?!? I mean, all I ever meant to do was advance the art of ballistic science up a notch, not start a smear campaign about the twisted world of Hollywood’s plastic action "figures".

What could people be thinking? I never knew Bobby Sherman, or David Cassidy, although I did see Robert Planet say, during one of the “cosmic energy” backstage scenes in LZ’s feature film, “BASH!” Does that make me a "Bad guy?" I should hope not!

Now we’ve got the Government involved in this whole twisted affair in the form of the Jackboot Nazi Central Scrutinizer who is obviously seeing the world through Rose colored pre-programmed image enhancing “safety” glasses. This Government dupe should be stuck to seat Q38 on Fido 3 and made to think pure thoughts. (Perhaps a few doughnuts will help). From this day forward, I will be enacting my own personal “counter-scrutinizer” measures to halt this censorship of our freedom to express our thoughts, no matter how Latin, Greek, or Frank!

VIVA LA RESISTANCE! :mad:
 
What on EARTH is this topic about?!? I am so confused!! I though this was a Firearms Board!

Dennis I do believe this "Topic" (?) should be Locked!!!

Schmit
GySgt, USMC(Ret)
NRA Life, Lodge 1201 UOSSS
"Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum"


[This message has been edited by Schmit (edited May 07, 2000).]
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> It is a strange and sorted world isn't it?!? I mean, all I ever meant to do [/quote]

So Airborne, or should I address you by your real name?… Bobby Brown, you finally came out of the closet and admit you are the one behind the Action Hero Bashing posted by FZ. Yes, your car is fast and your teeth are shiney but what makes you think you can tell the Government to kiss your hinney?!? Hey Now Hey…. Hey… Do you know what you are? Your not a bad guy… you’re a Flake! Some of TFL members might not agree, but it has been found out that you like a lot of misery. Aaaaaa I know they’ll be surprised.

By posting your admitted smear campaign about a small minority of Hollywood Plastic Action Figures you have defamed all Plastic Action Heroes! You acted like a sickly and thin 14-year-old who can’t even grow a chin. Who are you trying to jive with your cosmic debris anyway? Don’t waist your time. Maybe you should take a drive to Beverlyhills, just before dawn, and take your pent up aggression out by knocking the Jockeys off the rich peoples lawns… but before they get up you had better be gone! Or maybe you should stay with your mama, she can do you laundry and cook for you… yes, maybe you should stay with your mama, your really kind of ugly and stupid too.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> in the form of the Jackboot Nazi Central Scrutinizer[/quote]

Yes, I am gross and perverted, I’m obsessed and deranged but I have existed for years and very little has changed. I’m the tool of the Government and Industry too for I am destine rule and regulate you. I may be vile and pernicious, but you can’t look away, I make you think I’m delicious with the things that I say. I’m the best you can get… have you guessed me yet? I’m the slime that formerly oozed out of your TV set. I’ve morphed over to the new 21 Century media… the Internet! Don’t go for help no one will heed you! You will do as you are told until the rights to you are sold. If not you will be placed, late at night, when they come out, with pink and wet baby snakes. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about! I look around and there’s a couple right near me. Expected to be visited by a mystery man from your Friendly Government or maybe a Fur Trapper who is strictly commercial.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I do believe this "Topic" (?) should be Locked!!![/quote]

Moderator Schmit... I do believe you have a future in Government Employment!

CS

P.S. What ever happened to all the fun in the world? Larrys not with us anymore… he went on you know. Yeah, he bit the big one but he’s got his own little piece of heaven. We should now get into something real! Why don’t we get on our feet and do the Funky Alfonso?


[This message has been edited by CS (edited May 07, 2000).]
 
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