Joke

G

Grayfox

New member
I got this in e-mail today and thought y'all would like it.

As the President is getting off the helicopter in front of the
White House, he has a baby pig under each arm. The Marine
guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replies: "These are not pigs, these are authentic
Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for
Chelsea."
The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and replies,
"Nice trade, sir"

:) :) :) :) :)
 
Weeeeeell...
Hillary's too far gone to be useful for much of anything besides fertilizer, or perhaps incorporated into the support structure of the new barn.

Chelsea, OTOH, is still young and impressionable. With enough time, therapy, and training, she might make a serviceable pig-swill cook. ;)

------------------
Lady Justice has been raped, truth assassin;
Rolls of red tape seal your lips, now you're done in;
Their money tips her scales again, make your deal;
Just what is truth? I cannot tell, cannot feel.

The ultimate in vanity
Exploiting their supremacy
I can't believe the things you say
I can't believe, I can't believe the price we pay- nothing can save us
Justice is lost, Justice is raped, Justice is gone
Pulling your strings,Justice is done...
Seeking no truth, winning is all,
Find it so grim, so true, so real....

If it isna Scottish, it's CRAP! RKBA!
 
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
>> > "Hello?"
>> > "Hello, is this the FBI?"
>> > "Yes, what do you want?"
>> > "I'm calling to report my neighbor, Tom. He's hiding marijuana in
his
>> > firewood."
>> > "This will be noted."
>> > Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed
where
>>the
>> > firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana,
swear at
>> > Tom, and leave. The phone rings at Tom's house.
>> > "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"
>> > "Yeah!"
>> > "Did they chop your firewood?"
>> > "Yeah, they did."
>> > "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

------------------
"The Gun from Down Under !"
http://www.para1911fanclub.w3.to/
E-mail hotshot_2000@hotmail.com
Alternate E-mail
HS2000@ausi.com
 
Q. How many gun control advocates does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. They simply pass a law outlawing broken bulbs, then wonder why they're left in the dark.

------------------
"Quemadmoeum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est."
("A sword is never a killer, it's a tool in the killer's hands.") -
Lucius Annaeus Seneca "the Younger" (ca. 4 BC-65 AD).
 
> "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for
> maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some
> squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from
> the maintenance crews.
>
> (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
>
> (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
> (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
>
> (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
> (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
>
> (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
> (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
> lack normal seepage
>
> (P) Something loose in cockpit
> (S) Something tightened in cockpit
>
> (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
> (S) Evidence removed
>
> (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
> (S) Volume set to more believable level
>
> (P) Dead bugs on windshield
> (S) Live bugs on order
>
> (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
> descent
> (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
>
> (P) IFF inoperative
> (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
> (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
>
> (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
> (S) That's what they're there for
>
> (P) Number three engine missing
> (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
>
> (P) Aircraft handles funny
> (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be
> serious
>
> (P) Target Radar hums
> (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics


------------------
"The Gun from Down Under !"
http://www.para1911fanclub.w3.to/
E-mail hotshot_2000@hotmail.com
Alternate E-mail
HS2000@ausi.com
 
(With apologies)

An Irishman lobs in Margaret River and gets a job felling jarrah trees.

"Here's your chainsaw," the foreman tells him. "Your quota is 15 trees a day."

For the first week, all is fine. Then the Irishman's tally begins to drop -- 14, then 13, then 12.

Finally, the foreman goes to see him.

"What's the problem?" he asks, "You started off so well, but now you're way behind."

"Well, it's dis saw," says the Irishman, holding it up. "Oi t'ink it might be gettin' blunt."

"Oh?" says the foreman. "Let's see."

He puts it the ground and yanks the starting cord a few times.

Bra-a-a-p. Br-a-a-p. Br-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-p!!

"Hey!" says the Irishman. "Wot's dat noise??"

B
 
>Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America.
>Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized >and descended on the farm in force. When >they got there, the wreckage was clear. The >aircraft was totally destroyed
>with only a burned hulk left smoldering in >a tree line that bordered a
>farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no
>remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a
lone
>
>farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all
>happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor. "Sir," the
>senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. "Did you
>see this terrible accident happen?"
> "Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly. "Do you
>realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"
> "Yep."
>"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped. "Nope. They's all kilt
>straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done
>buried them all myself. Took most of the morning."
>"The President of the United States is DEAD?" The agent gulped in
>disbelief.
>"Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work,
>"he kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."


------------------
"The Gun from Down Under !"
http://www.para1911fanclub.w3.to/
E-mail hotshot_2000@hotmail.com
Alternate E-mail
HS2000@ausi.com
 
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