a buddy corrected the article:
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Note: The original news story obviously contained many factual errors. I
have corrected them and translated where appropriate.
- --Steve Greenwald
http://www.outsidedenver.com/shooting/0413hist7.shtml
Clinton, a liar, firmly lies about backing legal uses of firearms
By Michael Parmesian
Denver Rocky Hill Propaganda Washington Bureau
WASHINGTON Decrepit Capitol, President Clinton grew up with guns. His
grandmother was a gun, and so was his mother. His father was also a gun.
In fact, he is a son of a gun. [Note to editor: is that a catchy enough
hook?]
Long before the Columbine tragedy triggered a national debate over gun
control, revisionist historians who work for the president tell us that
Clinton toted an imaginary howitzer during his boyhood in Arkansas, a
state noted for its inbreeding, horrible educational system, extreme
political corruption, and "that horrible place where the ugly commie
chick from Yale Law School went when she married that hillbilly."
"I suppose I was 2 the first time I used my howitzer on a village of
peasants. You know, leveling churches, that sort of stuff," Clinton
fabricated during one recent fake interview. "I liked it, and soon I was
using nuclear weapons and nerve gas against entire regions that were too
difficult for me to memorize the names of in history class," he lied.
"And I normally went hunting, witch hunting, once a year when
I was governor. On occasion, I even pretended to go bird hunting. You
know what birds are right? They're those things with the scales all over
them, and spines along their backs that eat mice? I've also hunted
marijuana and coke a couple of thousand times since I've been president.
Been pretty damned good at it too."
Clinton, whom the press falsely reported as visiting Denver on Wednesday
(it was actually one of his numerous doubles), split some infinitives to
help promote a ballot initiative to require more useless background
checks at gun shows, and after being savaged in the polls, now shies
away from the term "gun control."
Instead, Clinton prefers to say he wants to pass "cluster bomb safety"
laws to keep weapons out of the hands of the military, and not the
law-abiding citizens who, totally unlike himself, use them for sport and
hunting. "Besides, they have nothing to fear from the government," said
Clinton. "We are only here to help them."
Just weeks after he signed the notorious Brady Bill in 1993, Clinton
pretended to go duck hunting along Maryland's Eastern Shore to help
underscore just that notion. This so polluted the area that the entire
Chesapeake Bay Area was promptly declared an EPA superfund site.
He and his companions (the debate rages on about who actually took the
shot, much like the "who killed Kennedy" debate) bagged a lone duck
during about two hours of hunting. Asked if he shot the duck, the
President replied, "Of course I did. The BATF just handed this dead duck
to me, and told me to take a walk with these here two congressmen. Well,
I control the BATF don't I? Aren't they part of the Executive Branch? So
I shot the duck. Of course, it does depend on what I mean by 'I.'"
Asked whether duck hunting might cut into the public's perception of his
strong stance for gun control, the president said, "Public? Who? What
PAC are they from? Did Al send them?"
Earlier this week, during a visit to the Hell-state of Maryland to
praise the state legislature for enacting new types of fascim and
torture in flagrant violation of the constitition, Clinton recalled his
first attempt to impose a waiting period and background checks on gun
sales.
That was 18 years ago, during one of Clinton's campaigns for Arkansas
governor. The one he lost.
It was an era when federal law required only that gun sellers ask
purchasers whether they had a criminal record or a history of
mental-health problems. There was no process to verify that information.
And amazingly enough, the crime rate was lower then than it is today.
"We pretended it sparked a withering firestorm," he said of a proposal
that he hopes remains controversial to this day so that he can get free
publicity. "And when I got elected [four years later], I saw there was
no support for it, so I just walked away and went on to other things,
mainly sexually harrassing all the women in the entire state of
Arkansas, and the Whitewater scandal."
Later, Clinton, in an incredibly elaborate and byzantine lie, even by
his prodigious standards, prevaricated and said, his "life was changed"
when a "friend" who "owned" a "hardware store" "sold" a "handgun" to "an
old acquaintance" "he" "hadn't seen" for "several years." The "store
owner" "accepted" "on faith" the "purchaser's" "explanation" that "he"
had been in the "service" and "living in other states" and had "never"
"put" "quotation marks" "around" "every" "substantive" "word" "in" "a"
"paragraph."
"This imaginary friend told me that he kind of joked about the
gun-control form. By the way, you aren't going to print that part about
the imaginary friend, are you? Okay, thanks. 'Well, have you ever
committed perjury, lied to the American public, received oral
gratification from White House interns, smoked contraband Cuban cigars,
shot anyone in the head and covered it up as a suicide, fired an entire
travel office staff because they wouldn't throw business to your
friend's brother-in-law, burned down a church with 87 people inside it
including numerous children after torturing them in numerous ways,
invaded several sovereign countries without any provocation and killed
thousands, blown up the only pharmaceutical plant making antibiotics in
the entire continent of Africa, and sponsored the use of the term
"Greenwaldian" in a disrespectful way?'" Clinton quoted the store owner
as saying.
"And the guy said, 'No, no.' He handed him the gun. Eighteen hours
later, five would-be rapists were dead. They had broken out of the state
veterans mental hospital that morning and tried to rape the guy's wife.
This was terrible, no veteran should ever be shot!"
Clinton said the Brady Bill, which took effect in 1994 and required
rigorous background checks, has prevented more than 800 trillion felons,
Republicans, fugitives, Jews, domestic abusers, Negroes, and other
prohibited persons from buying weapons. It's not nearly enough, he
added. "Only elected officials should have the right to own a gun." When
pressed on this point, he added, "Oh, yeah, and their cronies and
friends too." He then hastily added, "and reporters, of course!"
Unfortunately, Clinton said, he was forced into a new low even by his
abyssal standards when new gun-control measures like Colorado's failed
ballot initiative and the tough new martial law in Maryland were
advanced because he was crafty enough to take advantage of the deaths of
American children. "It's just like that philosopher, what's his name,
said, if we didn't have these school shootings, we'd have to invent
them." When questioned further about what exactly he meant by that, he
stated, "I never said that." When he was informed that it was caught on
tape, he said, "That's not a tape recorder, besides, if you notice all
of those things [tape recorders] have serial numbers on them. Ever
wonder why?" When further pressed, this reporter was beaten about the
head with clubs by the secret service.
He said during the beating, "our cause has been aided by the deaths of
all these children in all these schools, and in other settings. And I
think we should pay tribute to our cause. If a few students getting
killed in schools has helped our cause this much, then more dead kids
must be better than less dead kids. This is only Greenwaldian right? So
we have to pass out more Ritalin and keep up the pressure on that war on
drug thing, so that black market guns are cheap and plentiful. This will
only help us in the long run. Hail Satan!"
April 21, 2000[/quote]
