If people used guns like they use computers...

C

Coinneach

Staff Alumnus
(phone rings)

Tech: "Hi, thanks for call Sturm Ruger Glock Colt Beretta technical support, how can I help you?"

Caller: "My gun doesn't go bang."

T: "OK, is it a revolver or a semiauto?"

C: "I don't know, I just want it to go bang!"

T: "Is it kind of flat and square, or does it have big wheel thing in the middle?"

C: "Uh... hang on..." (clunk) "It's kind of square."

T: "OK, it's probably a semiauto. What happens when you pull the trigger?"

C: "Nothing."

T: "Nothing at all? Does it go click or make some other noise?"

C: "Yeah, it goes click."

D: "It sounds like there's not a round in the chamber. Try pulling the slide back as far as it will go, then letting it go forward."

C: "Pull the what?"

T: "The slide. You know, the top part of the gun."

C: "Oh, OK... um, it won't go forward. I pulled it back, and it stayed there."

T: "Is there ammunition in the magazine?"

C: "In the what?"

T: "The magazine. The part that holds the cartridges and goes into the handle."

C: "Cartridges?"

T: "The bullets." (rolling eyes)

C: "Um... I don't know, how do I find out?"

T: "Look down through the top of the gun. Do you see bright shiny things, or just dark metal and/or plastic?"

C: "Um... just dark stuff."

T: "It sounds like you need more ammunition, which you can purchase at any sporting goods store."

C: "WHAT?! I didn't buy this thing just so I could keep spending money on it! You should provide all the parts I need to make it work! Get me your supervisor!"

(Copyright notice: me, 1999. Distribute freely)

------------------
"The right of no person to keep and bear arms in defense of his home, person and property,
or in aid of the civil power when thereto legally summoned, shall be called into question.."
Article 11, Section 13, CO state constitution.


[This message has been edited by Coinneach (edited December 02, 1999).]
 
I will bet money this same conversation has actually taken place at some point.

CMOS

------------------
GOA, TSRA, LEAA, NRA, SAF and I vote!
 
Mr. Coinneach,

I got some of them shiny thingies in the handle piece all right. But that big heavy springed piece on top won't hit the shiny bullet things hard enough to stick them into that little hole.

Does this mean my gun needs a RAM upgrade?

((No way I'm hangin' around for THIS answer!! :D :D ))
 
Dammit, Dennis, if I spit any more Shiner Bock at this monitor, I'm gonna hafta put off some of my planned purchases and get a new one. :)

------------------
"The right of no person to keep and bear arms in defense of his home, person and property,
or in aid of the civil power when thereto legally summoned, shall be called into question.."
Article 11, Section 13, CO state constitution.
 
Dennis, me boyo, you got one of them thingummies that just ain't user-friendly. You need to diddybop on down to KMart; they got some lightweight plastic jobs there, that only got one spring, pushing that trigger-dingus back out. And water is cheaper than them there shiny bullet thingies.

It's a lot safer, and if you have an AD in the house it's a lot easier to clean up.

:), Art
 
Okay, boss. That's what I'll do.
And I'll tell them, "Rosie sent me."
And just to make sure they know whose idea all this is,
I'll use YOUR name!!! ;)

By the way, I had one of them AD things in the house once, and I got pretty wet! So did the chair, and the floor, and the rug, and the... well, you know.

Is this new "plastic job" gonna be like that??

(Wanna sugar cookie? :))
 
I dont know. 'User error' has me a bit frightened at this point. I figure if you dont know where to put the bullets or disks in you should just leave well enough alone until you do. I mean the most the computer will give you is a fatal exception error.... Now a gun... Lets just say there is no exception.. Its just fatal.

------------------
Gun control isnt about guns, Its about control.
 
If people used guns like they used computers...

Gun Ranges, Police Supply Stores, and Pawn Shops would be overloaded with calls like:

Customer: "I got the gun loaded, and am squeezing the trigger, but there's no bang!"

Support: "Check the lever on the left side of the gun. Is the white dash lined up with 'S' or 'F'?"

Customer: "Errr...'S'"

Support: "Switch it to 'F'"

Customer: "Ahhh! OK <BANG> Oops! <sound of dog howling> Sorry about that, Fido...well, at least you've got three more legs..."<CLICK>

OR...

Customer: "Where's the hammer on my Glock? How about the decocking lever? How about the safety?"

OR...

Customer: "I got this brand-new ammo for my gun, but it won't fit!"

Support: "What's the ammo?"

Customer: "Super-Whiz Bad-guy stopping Wonder-Boomers, point forty caliber."

Support: "Tell me what's printed on the side of your pistol."

Customer: "Er...it looks like a serial number or something: nine em em eks one nine"

Support: "Sorry, it looks like you'll need to upgrade your hardware." <CLICK>

OR...

Customer: "I've got it loaded, got the safety thingee off, and I'm squeezing the trigger, but the gun won't go BANG!"

Support: "How are you squeezing the trigger?"

Customer: "Between my thumb and forefinger."
<CLICK>

Thank God guns are easier to figure out than most computers...sometimes I think computers were put on this planet to make most people look stupid.

jth

[This message has been edited by Ulfilas (edited December 06, 1999).]
 
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