Mike Irwin
Staff
Vice President Picks Running Mate for Presidential Bid
Washington, DC (MNN [Mike News Network], July 25, 2000 -- In an obvious response to Republican candidate George W. Bush's vice presidental pick, current Vice President Al Gore selected his running mate late this afternoon.
Speaking to assembled reporters, the VP's press liaison said "Mr. Bush's choice is what America doesn't want, another Conservative White Male."
"The Vice President's choice is someone with whom every American can identify," she continued, on condition that she not be identified by the press. "The Vice President has selected an Hispanic White African American male transgender bisexual crack addict AIDS patient with multiple personality disorder, each with his or her own sexual orientation, religious faith, malady, and set of core values."
"This individual, alternately known as Roberto, Shamiqwah, Rue Bob, Allison, and Herschell, can passionately feel the pain of ALL of America's socio-economic groups, and passionately represent each groups hopes and aspirations, with the exception of White Males, whom Mr. Gore will continue to represent."
"We would introduce you to Mr. Gore's running mate but he/she can't decide what to wear."
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Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag.
Chances are he knows how to use it.
Washington, DC (MNN [Mike News Network], July 25, 2000 -- In an obvious response to Republican candidate George W. Bush's vice presidental pick, current Vice President Al Gore selected his running mate late this afternoon.
Speaking to assembled reporters, the VP's press liaison said "Mr. Bush's choice is what America doesn't want, another Conservative White Male."
"The Vice President's choice is someone with whom every American can identify," she continued, on condition that she not be identified by the press. "The Vice President has selected an Hispanic White African American male transgender bisexual crack addict AIDS patient with multiple personality disorder, each with his or her own sexual orientation, religious faith, malady, and set of core values."
"This individual, alternately known as Roberto, Shamiqwah, Rue Bob, Allison, and Herschell, can passionately feel the pain of ALL of America's socio-economic groups, and passionately represent each groups hopes and aspirations, with the exception of White Males, whom Mr. Gore will continue to represent."
"We would introduce you to Mr. Gore's running mate but he/she can't decide what to wear."
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Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag.
Chances are he knows how to use it.
. Probably the funniest thing I ever wrote, and the craziest (literally) thing that ever happened to me...well, me and over 70 lizards, a bird, three dogs, eight ferrets, a rabbit, a hedgehog, two chinchillas, 42 exotic hamsters, and a madwoman with 27 major personalities and a buttload of "fragments".