I am SOOOOO stuffed! *mmph*

C

Cliff

New member
The hamburgers I grilled just a few hours ago were magnificent. My wife agrees. We both ate too much and too fast.

I now need a Tums, a lawyer and someone to sue. But whom? What lucky corporation or individual should pay the price for their lack of social conscience?

Perhaps the butcher - the patties were each 1/2 pound of lean ground sirloin. Moist and juicy and brimming with carcinogens from the grilling process. Gosh darned butcher. If only his meat were not so delicious.

Maybe the Weber BBQ Company - that damned grille is an instrument of death. If it weren't for them, I simply would have boiled the meat. No warning sticker on the BBQ advising me of health hazards, either.

Kingsford Charcoal Company? - Without charcoal, the Weber is useless. Yet Kingford continues to sell their product with full knowledge that they are contributing to a known health risk.

The ranchers? Yeahhh... that's it. No cattle, no beef. That won't stop grille crime, though... better throw in the poultry raisers and fish mongers.

How about my parents? They're at fault as well. If they had raised me on a proper diet of acorns, pine needles and dirt I wouldn't be in this predicament.

So many lawsuits, so little time.

*burp* ... Damn Tums aren't working. I think I'll sue their ass, too.

Cliff :)
 
Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna sue my buddy who had me over for dinner. He grilled some intense tequila chicken and I ate too much. I'm sueing his wife for baking fantastic bread because I ate too much. I'm sueing the ice cream and coffee companies because I ate too much and drank too much. They're all at fault!

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So many pistols, so little money.
 
*mumph* We took my daughter in law out to dinner last night for her birthday. My wife raised a bit of a stink about the size of my steak, my DIL and I ordered the same steaks, but hers was about 1/3 larger than mine,so the good people at Wallaby's gave me a SECOND one at no charge. Bless them!, or damn them, all I know is 3 of thier micro brews (YUM!!) and 32 ounces of steak are more than this fat old guy wants to repeat any time soon. :)

Timely topic! I think I sue my wife :) hehe, maybe she'll settle out of court :) We can hammer out an agreement. Maybe if I dicker enough :o

Yes, there can be too much of a good thing.
 
Ooooohh ... Sunday night and I just ate three serves of homemade osso bucco, cooked s-l-o-w-l-y for 5 hours, with rice and vegies, and a Margaret River cabernet sauvignon merlot.

If I die, I'm gonna sue everyone!!

B
 
Cliff,

I am sorry, but you miss the point completely. While it is true that all these groups -- the butcher, Weber, Kingsford, ranchers, and your parents -- are guilty of contributing to politically incorrect action, it is an exclusive government (specifically H. R. Clinton, Czar of all that is socially uplifting) decision regarding who will be forced into absolute submission.

One thing is certain, however: You bear no guilt. You are the victim and, if you have any pre-adult children, they are the reason we zealously pursue all social and political miscreants.

It will be good to see one of the above felons (I'm guessing butcher) right at the top of the politically incorrect list, along with the tobacco firms and the gun manufacturers.

;) ;) ;)
 
Some of those blokes in Australia (the down under crowd) are always telling me to get stuffed. What do they mean by that? :D

Jim
 
Modern legal theory requires all of the following to be named in the suit:
The farmers-ranchers who raised the beef cattle,
all those who assisted him/them,
those involved in conveying the cattle to market,
the butcher and his minions,
all those otherwise involved in the treatment, packaging, and sale of the meat,
the Weber Grill company,
The company who made the charcoal.

Those who manufactured your fire-making implements & eating utensils should be held harmless.

You're not to blame, certainly.

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"Potius sero quam nunquam."
 
This computer lab is too damn cold! My fingers are stiff! Dammitt I'm calling my lawyer and UB is gonna pay up the wazoo! This experience confounds my expectations and my feelings are hurt! :( Only money can soothe the vast emotional pain that I (and Bill Clinton) am feeling.

Sawbones, and RWK, thank you in advance for your dear emotional and ideological support. You'll get your cut just after lawyer takes his.
 
I'm a victim, too!

Of armophilia - excessive craving for guns.

It would be a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act to take away my guns!
 
(sniff sniff) Gee Cliff, you didn't invite me over for burgers, I don't live *that* far away! ;)

Then you could have added me on to the claim for pain and suffering!
 
Cliff,
The problem with your situation was your choice of meats. You went with the old-fashioned hamburger from cows which are heavy and slow as everyone knows. What you need are turkey burgers, make from poultry composites.The army ate the same kind of cow for a long time but has gone to turkey as have all of the europeans. :p
Turkeys are smaller but much faster and if you put a little hollow spot on the patty it expands a LOT more when you grill it. Also, you can grill a lot more turkey burgers in the same time it takes to grill a few hamburgers! Turkey burgers hit the spot a lot more often than hamburgers. ;)

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Those who use arms well cultivate the Way and keep the rules.Thus they can govern in such a way as to prevail over the corrupt- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

[This message has been edited by Apple a Day (edited July 23, 2000).]
 
This morning the wife and I suffered through the traumatic throes of PGH (Post Gorge Haze). We milled about the house a bit, sipping coffee and shuffling about like zombies.

Before I knew it, we were in my truck, on auto-glide and heading south.

We pull into the parking lot. Park. Walk into the store. The haze begins to dissipate. Zombies no more, we stop.

The gun counter looms large in front of us.

There is no turning back. My wife now owns a brand new Taurus 617t .357... she wanted a 'little' gun as a companion to her .44 magnum.

Evil hamburger did this. Hmmmm....

Not a bad side effect if you ask me. I'll stick with cows - that incredible expanding turkey patty sounds too much like Schmoo food for my tastes. Now Ostrich! Fast and dumb.

Ottergal - I thought that sensitive otter nose might catch a whiff, but I guess the south east wind wasn't blowing hard enough. :)

Cliff
 
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