How To Catch A polar Bear!

Slip Shooter

New member
A trip to Alaska.

For us here in the lower 48 you'll have to hire an Eskimo outfitter with bush plane and dog sled as an option. Make arrangements during the early morning season of the year just after the 6 months black out.

If you just happen to live in Alaska, you may already have a bush plane and dog sled. At any rate, you will probably still need an Eskimo.

About the only supplies you will need are warm clothing to protect you from the harsh environment, binoculars, and a large can of Green Giant Green peas.

After arriving at your destination, preferably remote, settle in over night and prepare for the big hunt tomorrow with your guide. Remember he is the expert here, and what he does will make your hunt successful. When you fly into you and your Eskimo guides chosen hunting area the next morning, make sure it's the early morning season of the year with the sun just above the horizon.

After arriving safely instruct you guide to hastily build an igloo with a large opening for easy entry and exit that faces West. The Polar Bear won't be able to see as well when coming in from the west. (You know the sun will be in his eyes!)

Next see that you guide cuts a hole in the ice about four feet in diameter. Place the Green Giant peas in a circle around the hole about three deep. Quickly hide in the igloo so you can see out and watch the hole, Carefully scan the vast trunda with you binoculars. Do this without detection.

The Polar Bear you are hunting, has probably never seen anything green. The green peas will be a natural curiosity for the bear and the smell travels for miles.( He possibly has seen an Eskimo scared green but, that will be of no consequence on this hunt.) You will need the patients of Job, but the wait will be well worth it. After all, how many hunters have actually caught a Polar Bear

Get your guide and hide yourselves in the igloo, the sun continues to rise, albeit slowly.

Get Ready! Get Ready! Now, Get Ready!

Here He Comes! Here He Comes!

Now! Now!

As the polar Bear strolls up to take a pea, run out and kick him in the ice hole!

Nice hunting all.

Slip Shooter -
 
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Don't be silly

That's rediculous! You use a Peguin.. They come from the Antarctic and the Polar bear has never seen one. You tie one foot to a rope that goes to a stake with a swivel, and remain hidden while the Penguin walks in a circles. No bear can resist this curiosity. Meanwhile, you can be eating the peas (good carbs). What you do when the bear arrives is your problem (well, it aint mine). Maybe you (not me) can sneak up on him while he's spittin' out the feathers and throw a net over him.

Oh, and: don't forget that penquins are very smart. Don't let him know where you're hiding, or he may point you out when the bear arrives. They'll do that.:p
 
Sounds good, but that had better be a reeeealllly deep hole. And you will need to work your leg strength so it will be easy to boot 1000 pounds of surprised bear over the edge.

Oh, and wear scentless clothing so the bear dosn't smell the peas and think "side dish".
 
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