How do I convince my wife "Condition Yellow" is smart...

S

stark

New member
...not paranoid?

First of all, apologies if you read this in other places on the 'Net. I plan to ask as many people as are willing to read to help me figure out what to do. I also apologize for the length in advance.

I just got off the phone with my wife. She's a law school student, and her school is in an uproar today because a student, a girl, is missing. Very missing. Police seem to be considering foul play, although they aren't saying specifically.

Immediately I start to think about how many times my wife goes out alone, which, since she's a very liberated, headstrong woman, is a lot. ;) She does not carry, even those she has a CT permit. I actually prefer it that way, since she does not practice much mentally or physically for the challenges of gun ownership, much less concealed carry. She has also expressed some alarming thoughts to me at times, like she'd rather "shoot him in the leg" or "I couldn't do it, I couldn't kill someone, no matter what they were doing." I could have 293,847 cops here to tell her how damn stupid "shoot him in the leg" is, and she's still going to feel like she couldn't do it.

So, I am glad, in a way, that she doesn't carry now. She's coming around, slowly, to understanding the burning outrage of a false gun story on the news, she's coming around a bit more to the center politically (She was a radical Dem...member of the DNC, contributed to Dem parties on the local, state and fed level...no tolerance for the Libertarian view, or the Right. she sees the Left for what it is now, I think. Just as flawed as any other extreme.)...but she's still not ready to carry.

So how the hell do I get her to be more aware? To prepare for something that may never happen? She has a good pepper spray, which I plan to change for her on a regular basis to make sure it's always working and fresh. She has a cell phone, that I talked her into, but keeps it buried in that deathtrap she calls a purse. I'm going to try to talk her into carrying it clipped to pocket or belt (it's a StarTAC, so tiny she'd barely know it's there.)

The big problem is, to be honest, she's a bit scatter-brained in the awareness department. The girl is razor sharp in school. Probably top in her class right now...constantly amazing me these days with the great work she'd doing, but go ahead and ask her what color my shirt is after I leave the room, or what color the car was that has been behind her for 8 blocks...you get the idea. She walks around with blinders on. You'd need a marching band and clown shoes on to get her attention in public.

She tells me sometimes that I'm hyper-aware and that it's a bad thing. I am rather proud of my hyper-awareness, my ability to observe and later recount the details of a situation. I see it as useful. A silly example:

We were watching a DVD one night, volume up pretty loud. Her mother had come over to drop off something. I heard, over the movie, the car pull up (we live in an apartment complex, so that's common), I heard the door downstairs to our building open, I heard the feet on teh stairs and I heard movement outside our door. I was up and at the peephole before her mother had a chance to knock. I always know when someone is coming up the stairs. I can hear it in the bedroom. The bathroom. I *like* knowing. I hear the mailman, I know what the UPS truck's diesel engine sounds like...

I try to be constantly aware of what's going on around me.

I'm not suggesting my wife need be this hyper-aware. I just want to raise her awareness to something beyond Condition "I can't see you, go ahead and stab me in the neck and rob me."

SO I'm looking for ways to bring it up without her thinking I'm Mr. Paranoia. Also, knowing this little bit of background, is there some kind of "training" I could suggest? Unfortunately, her schedule would not allow a good self-defense course.

Your help is greatly appreciated. More than I can probably explain in a discussion forum, believe me.


------------------

-stark-
ShootersNetwork
http://www.shootersnetwork.com
Web Hosting & Design for the shooting community
 
This sounds like something I could have posted. I am interested in seeing the responses you get. They may help me with my less than aware of her surroundings wife.
 
Convince a friend or two to sneak up on her and scare the crap out of her. Hope you don't mind sleeping on the couch. :)
 
That is a good question, not only for your wife but for everyone. We are all guilty of being less alert than we should be at times (right George?). This is far from a complete answer, but maybe you can get her to come up with the answer herself and raise her need for awareness in this manner: When you see or read a story about someone being mugged/raped/hijacked, why not ask her in a conversational manner what she would have done to prevent the crime and possible harm to herself. There are certainly enough of these stories now-a-days, so you won't have to wait long for an example.

An example of the usefullness of this method is illustrated by my son when he was learning to drive. A child had been hit by a car in the neighborhood and the driver was not speeding. I asked him how he might have prevented it if he had been the driver. He said he would have looked for evidence of kids playing in the neighborhood and also look under parked cars for as he approached them to see if anyone was standing there out of sight. So now he is aware that such things can happen and that being aware of the surroundings can prevent them.
 
A friend of mine is a very skilled tactics and firearms trainer for mil, leo etc. We frequently present "what if" scenarios involving BGs and our families to each other. We have also discussed problems with our wives and their situational awareness. Recently, I started discussing the results of our "what if" scenario conversations with my wife. When I got to the kidnapping of our daughter scennario and how to "take-out" the kidnapper's vehicle. I got her attention. With my wife, I now have established that I'm not paranoid, just prepared. She has opened up to these subjects and is now in a "learning mode." I think that her situational awareness has increased markedly.

[This message has been edited by Mendocino (edited November 15, 1999).]
 
I too have a head strong wife that shows little interest in guns but know that the 2nd ammendment is there for a reason. I tried to teach her several things over the course of our marriage, but everytime she insists on learning herself or from someone else. I would recommend that you and her take a basic firearms safety course togeather some weekend. Just about every basic firearm course should cover a few "what if" scenarios to pique her interest from "someone who knows".

The problem I have is that with three kids, its hard for her to justify what little time we have togeather to do something she is not that interested in. Good luck.
 
Try and pull up some stories about women that have been mugged, raped, ect. Sometimes when you see the reality of it, it wakes you up. I tried looking up some links for you but only turned into a headache, most sites didnt give good info, sorry. If I find something I will post it for you. I know this is kind of lame, but on the cable channel Lifetime for women, the weekends usually have some kind of good story about women in situations like that, and they usually show that woman waking up and taking courses, being more aware, things like that. Just a thought. :)
 
Have her read "Armed and Female" by Paxton Quigley. Quigley's arguments and statements are strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
 
Have her watch L.A. detectives on A&E and other like shows to make her see what is happening around her...Good luck....Steve
 
Go beyond the basic firearms training.I have seen some very realistic training vidios that just might show her what does happen and could happen to her or a friend.Allso a scenario where you both out together and there is more then you as one person can handle.Just ideas for what they are worth.
Bob
 
How does she drive? Does she drive at speeds just a little below light speed? Has she received a few traffic tickets? If so, point out that, besides driving at the posted speeds, being aware of surrounding vehicles will help her spot the one that contains the TICKET BOOK. Once she starts being aware of the surroundings while driving, she should become more aware of what is going on around her while not behind the wheel. Maybe.

------------------
Ne Conjuge Nobiscum
"If there be treachery, let there be jehad!"



[This message has been edited by Jim V (edited November 15, 1999).]
 
Just make her watch the news on a nightly basis. Here in Georgia where we live a young mother and her two year old daughter where playing in a park when some crazy #@$&* forced them to a deserted area by gun point shot them and then stuffed them in their trunk and set the car on fire. They caught the guy and they still cannot figure out why he did it. For a long time my wife would not carry a gun in the car with her but after having a child and seeing stories like this she not only carries but asks to go to the range with me. I also observe the things she does and then pose questions to her "what if..." if I think it was a poor choice. The good thing is she now does this to me also and catches me doing things that are not wise. Make a serious game (competition) out of it so that you can help each other.

[This message has been edited by Keeper (edited November 15, 1999).]
 
stark: To differentiate between "smart" and "paranoid" for Condition Yellow, I have used the anology of a house cat.

That is, in condition White, you aren't paying attention to the world around you, so you cannot control your environment.

I suggest Condition Yellow is the way a house cat lives on a daily basis. Ever try to sneak up on a house cat? Pretty hard to do, right? OK. Ever know a cat to have ulcers?

You can try to get her to train herself into C.Y. To try to always be able to say, "Hi!" to friends before they see her. When she succeeds, it's an X. If somebody says, "Hi!", and she didn't know they were there, it's an O. Make it a game.

And a traffic ticket is a ten-O Oops!
 
House cats...hmmm....

This may sound silly, but I had a cat in college, before my gun owning days, and long before I had ever heard of Condition Yellow, much less practiced it (got into a few tight spots because of it, too.) When the cat came along, I began to notice how even when apparently asleep, an ear would imperceptibly move to focus on something I hadn't heard. Sure enough, a minute later my roomate would walk in, or something. Cats are constantly processing information, like little enviroment-sensors. I was really fascinated by it, and started (don't laugh) imitating my cat's awareness mode, especially when out and about. I learned Condition Yellow from a cat!

Does your wife like cats, stark? "Honey...See the cat...be the cat..."

Don't use a dog, they tend go from Condition White to Condition Bright Flaming Red, with little in between. ;)

Otherwise, I actually like SB's idea. It's a little extreme, maybe, but could be very effective. After she's been "got", have a little de-briefing with her, and get her to think about how she could've prevented being surprised by being more aware. Just be real sure she isn't carrying... :)
 
This may help.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Two college athletes bragged about videotaped rape
BY JOHN SEEWER
Associated Press Writer
TIFFIN, Ohio (AP) -- Students at Heidelberg College say two freshmen athletes bragged about how they videotaped themselves raping a woman and showed it to other students.

``They were proud of it,'' said Sarah Smith, an 18-year-old freshman from Canton. ``I talked to someone who's seen it. They asked them if they wanted to watch it.''

Police recovered the videotape, in which the naked woman seemed to be placed in different positions while unconscious, according to court documents.

``She doesn't remember anything,'' police Lt. Michelle Craig said Monday.

Nicholas Klingler, 19, of Circleville, a linebacker on the football team, and Nelson Pixler, 18, of Defiance, a wrestler, were charged Friday with three counts of rape and released on $60,000 bond each.

Calls seeking comment from Klingler at his parents home in Circleville went unanswered Tuesday. There was no listing for Pixler in Defiance.

The alleged attack occurred late Wednesday and early Thursday morning, police detective Ron Green said. The videotape was found in a police search later that day, he said.

The victim, an 18-year-old Bowling Green State University student, was visiting other friends on campus and didn't know the two men, police said.

``It wasn't date rape,'' Craig said.

The woman told police that she had been drinking at a party and went into a friend's room to sleep.

Police said they were investigating whether any others were involved or knew about the alleged rape, but would not discuss any other details.

Students who saw the videotape went to school officials, who called police. The victim told police that she did not consent to any sexual activity.

``This is a very tightly knit community,'' said Heidelberg spokesman Jamie Abel. ``Everybody feels somewhat violated.''

Klingler and Pixler were expelled and are barred from campus unless escorted, Abel said.

Heidelberg officials said there is a heightened awareness among the university's 1,700 students that they must be cautious no matter where they are. Heidelberg is a private liberal arts school in a largely rural part of Ohio 80 miles north of Columbus.

Students sitting in a courtyard outside the dormitory where the alleged attack took place were on edge even though the suspects had been arrested.

``The problem is that it's people we know,'' said Bethany Drawbridge, an 18-year-old freshman from Columbus. ``It's people we hang out with.''

``I came here to be safe,'' she said. ``It makes me wonder who you can trust.''[/quote]


------------------
CCW for Ohio action site.
http://www.ofcc.net
Do what you C.A.N.
http://thematrix.acmecity.com/digital/237/can.html
 
All of this advice is good. I especially like the "see your friends before they see you" game and the cat suggestions. She's a serious cat person...

Someone also asked about her driving talents re; speeding. She does speed a little, not more than the average person, I think, but playing "spot the ticket book" will help.

We've been talking all night about little things here and there. It's easing my mind...

Thank you all...


------------------

-stark-
ShootersNetwork
http://www.shootersnetwork.com
Web Hosting & Design for the shooting community
 
Wow! I guess I'm not that paranoid, afterall!

Seriously, I have been going over the same details with my wife and a recent situation helps to illustrate:

We were eating lunch out during the week at a Subway. When we left the restaurant, I asked her if she noticed anything strange about the patrons. She said no. I said 3 of them were carrying handguns, 2 of which were likely off-duty officers or FBI (field office nearby) and the other one was a private citizen with CCW. She didn't even know there were other people in the place!

My point in all of this is to say that women have been socialized to believe that they will be okay no matter what happens - usually, they believe that a man will take care of them (that sounds sexist, but I'm not, ask my wife...). What this translates to is that women don't feel they need to process information on that level such that it would be necessary to save their skin. They think it's too much to 'worry about' and leave it at that.

My wife and I completed our CCW classes (16 hours + range time) a few months ago, and having her watch the evening news with me has helped immensely. She carries a Glock 19 (her choice) and has recently gotten into the habit of carrying it around the house and out if I'm not packing, myself. Part of this is from the knowledge that bad things happen to good people every day. This knowledge, combined with weekend IDPA training has given her confidence to know she can hit her target under stress.

Getting her to think outside of her 'safe' world is the first step - that comes out of fear. She needs to understand that there is a lot of evil out there just waiting for an opportunity to do her harm. Once she sees that overwhelming evil force, show her the means to protect herself - she'll take right to it.

Women think differently than men, no doubt. They can be taught to get rid of some of that 'victim' mentality and once they do, it's a drastic change. A very worthwhile change, because I am more comfortable knowing that my wife can take care of herself around the house when I'm not home - or go to the store without needing an escort.

Start by pointing out the risks of everyday life, and continue on from there. Real life is scary enough...

Wanted to add; if you know of a woman who has been attacked, get her to talk to your wife. They listen better when it comes from someone who's been there, not an armchair commando like we can come across as, guys!

[This message has been edited by LongDuck (edited November 17, 1999).]
 
Stark,
If you have access to a combat situation training range, or even some surprise pop-up targets, take her there. In my opinion, the experience of something (or someone)jumping up even when you are expecting it is enough to make one think over their preparations.
A target comming at you quickly forces you to make on the spot decisions. Even if she walks through the course with the pepper spray she wil be forced to confront her own reaction times.
This might make her see the error of her ways, as she digs through her purse for the cell phone or her pepper spray.
I think you're right to prefer that she dosn't carry. I wouldn't recomend that anyone carry who hasn't committed themself to the notion that: the only time you pull your gun is when you are prepared to use it and if you're prepared to use it, then be prepared to use it well.


------------------
jones
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top