Headlines from the year 2029

[RERICK]

I found this on another forum. I bet some of this could happen

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.



Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.



Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.



France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.



85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent


Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

 

[Redworm]

I've got a few minutes to kill, let's go through this one by one

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Right off the bat we see the writer of this knows jack about science.

We also see the xenophobic attitude that many have; it's unlikely that in less than twenty years the United States will agree to secede the most profitable state it has. I don't see the problem in whites being a minority but an official third language? If this writer is trying to be ironic and amusing he's failing miserably.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

If there's some widespread disease that afflicts the world's population it will be science that saves humanity.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

So we move from xenophobia to homophobia. Is anyone truly stupid enough to believe that gays want to end heterosexual marriage as opposed to simply being treated as fraking equals for a change?

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Some people actually think this is a good thing. Some people think America should be an empire and force our influence and culture and laws and might on everyone that doesn't agree with us. Those that do are as un-American as any jihadist. America represents freedom. Nation building is the antithesis of that.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

That actually wouldn't surprise me. Only question is whether or not it's an attack or a mistake due to the constant attempts to prevent them from having the best form of energy man can harness.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Anti-French sentiment is as disgusting as anti-American sentiment. Sure, let's ridicule and harass and insult and degrade anyone that doesn't agree with us. If you're not with American you're a terrist!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

He'll be dead soon if he's not already but thing won't get better in Cuba. For some reason people here still think that those sanctions are hurting him and his circle as opposed to the people of the island.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Fortunately email and FedEx/UPS have cut into the government sponsored monopoly that is the USPS. Also $17.89 might be the equivalent of a dime after inflation.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Why the frak does it have to take that long?

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Rehabilitation is always a better route than punishment. Until that's realized criminals will only spend their time in jail learning how to be better criminals.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

if only that had been fixed seven years ago.

 

[RERICK]

Well it gave me a chuckle

 

[Redworm]

yea a couple of them were pretty amusing truth be told in 2029 the number one thing on my mind will probably be the apophis asteroid

 

[DasBoot]

Very funny RERICK!
Pretty sad that ANYONE would go to the bother of even answering those points instead of just enjoying the tongue in cheek humour.
But it's no surprise considering who did it.
I see now this quote:

So yeah, I'm a liberal politically correct idiot

has more than one apropos target.

Rehabilitation is always a better route than punishment

.
I thought you didn't believe in absolutes.
Every murderous, raping piece of societal garbage must love this guy.
Dismember an infant...Hey, how about a free college education!
Rape and murder your wife.....Hey, How about a career in automotive repair!
Put 5 kids in a Wendy's freezer and shoot each one in the head (NYC circa. 1999?).....Hey, ever think of being a dentist?
Yeah, let's "rehab" these guys and put them back on the street.
They're just "misunderstood"!
Sorry to rant!
What was the topic????

 

[Redworm]

Pretty sad that ANYONE would go to the bother of even answering those points instead of just enjoying the tongue in cheek humour.
But it's no surprise considering who did it.

Hey, I had a few minutes to kill. This thread isn't legal or political so I figured I'd have some fun with it before it got locked.

I see now this quote has more than one apropos target.

My oh my. I'm far from politically correct and my credentials are strong enough to preclude much idiocy on my part (though I have been known to suffer from typical Male Stupidity Syndrome in the presence of an angry dame).

I thought you didn't believe in absolutes.

Good point, I don't. I should have used 'generally' instead of 'always'. Mea maxima culpa.

Every murderous, raping piece of societal garbage must love this guy.
Dismember an infant...Hey, how about a free college education!
Rape and murder your wife.....Hey, How about a career in automotive repair!
Put 5 kids in a Wendy's freezer and shoot each one in the head (NYC circa. 1999?).....Hey, ever think of being a dentist?
Yeah, let's "rehab" these guys and put them back on the street.
They're just "misunderstood"!

No but you may have misunderstood the point of what I was saying. Keeping violent people from hurting others is one thing, putting a 19 year old kid behind bars for five years for stealing a car and expecting him to come out a model citizen is another. It's also utter lunacy.

I do love how you take it to the extreme and imply that I in any way suggested letting killers and rapists go free.

Imprisonment should be to protect society and prevent future crime, not just revenge.

 

[sasquatch]

RERICK

Thanks......I laughed my head off.

How totally weird (but not unexpected) that someone would go to effort of addressing each point. But then, some folks around here are totally devoid of a sense of humor.

 

[TheBluesMan]

It's funny, Rerick, but has little to nothing to do with Legal and Political.

Closed as OT.