Funny Dog Tales

D

DorGunR

New member
Upon entering a little country store, the stranger
noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!"
posted on the door glass.

Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep
on the floor near the cash register. He asked the
store's owner "Is that the dog folks are supposed
to beware of?"

"Yep," the proprietor answered, "That's him."

The stranger couldn't help being amused. "That
certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me,"
he chuckled. "Why in the world did you decide to
post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him."
 
Funny! :)
That reminds me of when my son was about a week old. I had just given him his first bath. I didn't know the dog had decided to lay at my feet. I turned around, started to walk, tripped over the (75 lb) dog, and went flying with a seven-day old baby in my arms! :eek: (I nearly broke my arm trying not to drop him!)
(this was all caught on video, BTW) "Beware of dog!" No kidding!!! :)
 
When I was a rug rat we had a bulldog that was the king of flatulance, when sleeping he snored from both ends; standing joke, no smoking or open flames around the dog.



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Sam I am, grn egs n packin

Nikita Khrushchev predicted confidently in a speech in Bucharest, Rumania on June 19, 1962 that: " The United States will eventually fly the Communist Red Flag...the American people will hoist it themselves."
 
Our last dog assumed that anything on the floor was hers to eat: dropped food, pantyhose, anything. Once, while reloading, I dropped a completed .38 round on the floor. She swallowed it like it was nothing. Came out the other end the next day, intact. I never shot it, though :)

Dick
 
OK, now Monkeyleg reminded me of another one.

I used to come home from work and find things (that I knew had been on the kitchen table whe I left) on the floor, chewed up and destroyed. I would yell at my dogs, "Bad dogs! Did you get up on the table and get this down????" :mad:
Everyday, I tried something different...move everything to the back of the table, move it to the middle of the tabe, put the chairs up on the table, so they couldn't reach anything. STILL, I'd come home to chewed up stuff. "BAD DOGS!!!!!" :mad: :confused:
Then, one day, I heard a noise in the dining room. Finally, caught in the act!!!
Well, did you ever see that Polaroid commercial where the dog takes a picture of the cat digging in the trash can????
My tiny little kitten was up on the table, batting pens, etc. around the table, knocking them onto the floor, at the feet of the waiting doggies! (anything on the floor is fair play, I suppose!)ROTFLMAO!!!!!
Was that kitten purposely getting the doggies in trouble??? :D :D
 
We had a Blue Heeler when we used to milk cows, every friday I had to bring a BBQ hamburger home after work or the dog would try her darndest to steal mine. Only managed to save mine 1 time. After that, every friday without fail the dog got her burger. Only thing I never figured out was how she knew it was Friday?
 
Back when I was a (younger) kid, my Grandfather had a beautiful pair of pointers named Duke and Duchess. We used to take them out quail hunting quite often during season, and they always did a great job.

Well there was once when Duke did something he wasn't supposed to, I don't remember what, but he got quite a scolding from my Grandfather before we loaded them in the dog box.

We were workin' 'em around a honeysuckle thicket when Duke suddenly broke into the purtiest point you ever seen.
My Grandfather went over to flush out the covey, and I already had my L.C. Smith 20 shouldered waitin' on the moment.
All of a sudden he started yellin' and cussin' and wavin' his hands in the air while runnin' the other way!

Ol' Duke got even for the scolding, my Grandfather flushed out a nest of hornets. :D
 
My 5 year old Border Collie has managed to cause all sorts of havoc. He is a working dog, used for goose control on a golf course. One story however, stands out from the rest.

One day in the heat of summer, my dad was performing the normal duty of watering the course. The dog was sitting on the golf cart my dad uses for transportation around the course. He happened to be parked on a hill, with a water hazard at the bottom of the hill. My dog must have repostioned himself on the cart, thereby releasing the brake and starting the cart rolling. My dad realized this and started running after the cart, now rapidly picking up speed. He had almost caught the cart(the dog had long since decided he wasn't the driver he thought he was and bailed) when he tripped. He managed to get up just in time to see the cart go careening into the pond and come to a rest, bubbles drifting up slowly. It took several months to get the cart running correctly again.
 
A dog we a little over 3 years ago I used to always refer to as "the shortest child" cause he acted so human. He was very sensitive to my moods because he was with me all the time. One day my grandson (about 4 at the time) had just done something dangerous (I can't remember what now). But I recall after I put him in the corner I kept yelling at him, telling him how dangerous it was, how badly he could have been hurt, and how he had to listen to me and follow the rules. Well, my grandson tuned me out like usual but the dog was paying attention. After I went on a while, I noticed he slinked over to the corner next to my grandson with is his ears down and his tail between his legs. He sat down, leaned against Kasey's leg and looked back over at me as if to say "She's still yelling so I guess she wants me here too." And ... I'm not kidding ... he put his nose into the corner and sat there. :D Well, that ended the yelling ... in fact I had to leave the room so I could LMAO! :D

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Refuse to be a "helpless" victim.
Knowing Your Rights WAGC in Indiana

[This message has been edited by Blueyedog (edited June 27, 2000).]
 
My wife and I live near a municipal ball park and we were in the habit of walking our Rottweiler there during games in order for her to get used to being around people.We were sitting and watching a game and a little girl,about 4 years old came walking up to us and hauls off and punches our dog in the nose!How did she react?She licked that kid from the bottom of her chin to the top of her head!Her parents about had a heart attack.



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~Gordon~
 
When I was a kid I had a Rhodesian Ridgeback.
He and I used to go to the golf course so I could raid the water hazard and sell the balls back to the golfers. Well, at first, this goofy dog used to chase balls that the golfers had shot! A lot of p!ssed off golfers. Another dog of mine, a Doberman, when he "shook hands" he would slam his paw into peoples' groin. It would really hurt! I used to get friends to ask him to shake...

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"Vote with a Bullet."
 
Years ago, a friend of mine fancied himself the great outdoorsman. It didn't matter if it was in season. Anyway, he decided to be the great white duck hunter and got a "special deal" on a "special dog". For months we had to listen to how he had beat the guy out of the dog, pedegree bla, bla, bla. He spent months training the dog with feather decoys, in the yard, in the lake you name it. Live fire drills etc. The first trip out Boom! He shoots a duck, Trapper jumps up and into the water paddles to the duck. The duck was only winged and proceeded to bite the dog on the nose. Trapper, turned, swam back to shore and Never,ever, tried to retrieve anything again. Made a nice housepet!
 
When I was a kid, my grandfather had a mixed collie. This dog hated snakes and would kill any we found, you start yelling Snake Snake and he started looking for the snake and would then kill it.
We were fooling around on one of the small dams that were used to make ponds in Oklahoma and saw a large snake in the water. We started yelling and pointed at the snake and in the dog went.
The snake waited for the dog to get to him, when the dog grabbed the snake, at least three coils wrapped around the dog's head and pulled his head under water with his butt sticking straight up in the air.
After what seemed like a long time the snake uncoiled from the dog and the dog swam back to shore. He shook the water off, gave us a VERY dirty look and went to the house. We laughed for twenty minutes. That had to be the biggest snake I ever saw not in a zoo.
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Monkeyleg:
Came out the other end the next day, intact. I never shot it, though :)[/quote]

Hmmm, that would give a whole new meaning to "shooting the s**t," wouldn't it? :D :D


CindyH; of course your kitty is doing this on purpose. Cats are intelligent, spiteful animals. I love 'em, and have 2 new kittens that are 13.5 weeks old now.



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Shoot straight & make big holes, regards, Richard at The Shottist's Center
 
Inspector Cleuseau (or however it is spelled): Does you dog bite?

Man in hotel: No

CHOMP

IC: I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?

Man: I did, that is not my dog.


Real dog story. We have a newfoundland that when the kids are out sledding in the winter considers them high speed chew toys. He will go tearing out after them when they are going down the hill, grab their foot, drag them off the sled, and drag them back up the hill (leaving the kids to swear at him while walking down the hill to retrieve the sled that continued on without them).
 
Gunslinger and I have a grey timber wolf and her name is Wolfe and the other night I had gone to bed, and when it is cool out and we don't have the air on we leave the back door open so the dogs and the wolf can come in and out, so he thought I was a sleep and I heard him say Wolfe please bring that back outside and I yelled to him and said what did she bring in, a snake and he chuckled and said yes, he knows I'm terrified of snakes so he found this quite amusing by saying just wait till we are a sleep one night and she brings one to bed with us, with her this could be a very good possibility because she gathers anything and everything she can get and brings it in, whethers it the kids balls next door or Gunslingers sons stuff he has stored in the barn. Last night I had just taken the steaks we were having for supper out and put tenderizer on them and I pushed them to the back of the cabinet where I thought Wolfe wouldn't notice them and returned into the bedroom to finish folding clothes and when I came back to the kitchen she had enjoyably ate half of them, she is not the normal timid animal most wolves are, but next week she is starting training, hopefully they will teach her some manners, hopefully there isn't any small dogs there too, she will think they are prey for her. LOL

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WHEN IT COMES TO FRIENDS THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT
 
Claemore70,

I have not laughed so hard in a long time! That dobie story is funny!
 
When I was in high school, we had this puppy, kinda stupid. There were only two occasions when she barked. Once, at a pile of bricks, and once, at a glass of ice. There was some construction going on at our apartment complex, and a pile of bricks covered by a tarp suddenly appeared, and when we let the dog outside, she started barking. The other time, my dad had finished a glass of iced tea, and started rattling the ice in the glass. Dog started barking.
Anyway, she got run over by a car.
 
Claemore70: That story about the doberman is so funny my sides hurt all the way up to my face!

All: We used to have a beagle mix who was a real sweetheart, when she wasn't being a brat! But, she would go ou tin to the yard and run a round with her nose down (typically beagle-ish behavior), then suddenly stop, press her nose to the ground and start digging. She would then come up with a small rock and start playing with it: pick it up in her mouth drop it in the hole, tap it around with a paw, knock it out of the hole, toss it around a bit, drop it back in the hole, etc. It was the strangest and funniest thing I ever saw a dog do. To this day, I'm still not sure if she knew the rock was there, or even how she knew.
 
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