This is my viewpoint from being a civilian, fat old guy and what I got out of it.
1. Realistic scenarios - not paintball shootouts (as already mentioned)
2. If one can, have realistic surroudings - houses, bars, outside with cars
3. Serious criticism (not hurtful) and debriefings. Leave the ego at the door.
4. Plan screw ups - innocents, malfunctions.
5. Some scenarios should have ambiguity as to the appropriate response level of force and action. It should be legit to not fight, to flee, to fight. Some force continuum, OODA looping
6. Some moral ambiguity - should one save the innocent or save one's own booty? How to deal with a downed partner or innocent
7. Talking to the law after the shootout, if relevant.
8. Good ROs who know the plan and rehearsed opponent roles players who know the plan. Keeps it real.
9. Fun stuff - the mystery gun. You are unarmed and have to use your wits and available environmental stuff for the fight.
Guns and equipment - I can only speak to what I've used in classes.
1. Paintball but with limited ammo to be realistic
2. Airsoft Glocks, a P-22 and long arms
3. A Sims Glock and J frames with Code Eagle
Take away points:
1. There not always a correct answer
2. You can 'die 'and learn from it
3. Stress innoculation so if this ever happens for real, you have some sense that you can function and get through it. This is esp. important obviously for military and law but for me - a FOG civilian, it was really a life changer.
4. A little pain makes the point. You do get hurt a tad by the paint balls, sims and airsoft. Many posters think they will win the gun fight and not get shot back or whupped on. Not really. Again, this may be most important to the civilian as compared to the military and law who expect to be in real fights.
2. Your