Hey, I get to be useful for once.
Two Cells Of Useful Idiots
by Minority Mike
I went fishin’ with Biggun Stump, Waylon Upyorn an’ A. Harry Butt last week. Biggun caught a deflated inner tube, Waylon caught a tree limb, A. Harry caught a 3 oz. blue gill an’ I caught a case of poison oak! The fishin’ was great, even though the catchin’ was lousy. The four of us passed the time jawin’ about the current sorry state of the current sorry regime that’s busy destroyin’ this country. Between drownin’ worms an’ unsnarlin’ the bird nests in our reels, we pretty much managed to shred some of the most popular people an’ institutions in what’s left of America today. It’s frustratin’ work, but somebody’s got to do it.
These here are what we consider two cells of the Clinton-Gore Regime’s useful idiots.
THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA – Tireless promoters of socialism, fascism, communism, and racism. Defenders of abortion, gun confiscation, tree huggers and PETA loons. Champions of foreign intervention, war, and genocide. Friend to corrupt politicians, incompetent school systems, junk scientists and Police States everywhere. Financiers of ignorant, loud-mouthed and degenerate celebrities, pop psychologists and any other half-witted, spoon-fed, nanny-state supported feebs who’ll eagerly agree to the enslavement of free Americans!
From "I guess I’m a socialist at heart" Ted Turner, to the idiot talking head on the local car-wreck news – increased dependence on government is the sermon of the day. From the neighborhood association newsletter, to the major newspapers of every major city in America – the concept that somebody else knows what’s best for you and me is published as fact.
The citizens of this country are guaranteed the right to freedom of the press. What they need is the guarantee of freedom FROM the press! There is no such thing as must-see TV. There is, however, a cancerous pile of must FLEE TV! The lies presented as information by these two mediums are the tools with which our "leaders" continue to build the walls of the gulag they plan to imprison us in. The boys and I distrust these two rancid institutions so much that, when we’re exposed to either of them, we assume we have just been told a lie.
Most major newspapers and – as far as we can see – all of television, are nothing more than state manipulated propaganda machines designed to indoctrinate, never to educate. If the current Totalitarian-in-Chief were at all interested in the well being of Americans he’d have these misinformation and disinformation generators declared national security risks.
Y’all do yourselves, your country an’ me an’ the boys a favor will ya? Cancel your newspaper subscription, throw out that infernal television an’ educate yourselves on the Internet. It’s the last hope for the truth this country has at the moment, an’ the criminals-in-charge are doin’ their damndest to stifle that! Speak YOUR mind an’ the hell with statist dogma. Get yerself an attitude of your very own an’ speak up for liberty while you still can!
CAPITOL HILL – Pronounced: Fecal people in suits.
500 or so of the sorriest bunch of scabby bipeds ever to suck in free air an’ blow out toxic gas. The most corrupt and arrogant collection of freeloaders, morons an’ bottom-feeders ever assembled in the entire history of mankind. The seven deadly sins incarnate. All dressed up and passing themselves off as responsible representatives of you and me. ROADAPPLES! COWFLOP! BEANS AN’ DISEASE!
Their corruption, degeneracy and treason are epidemic, contagious and fatal to liberty. Witness the efforts at the destruction of the Second Amendment by the likes of Diane – thought-proof-mind-lock – Feinstein. The gay rights above all others demanded by Barney – I-didn’t-know-my-boyfriend-was-running-a-whorehouse-at-my-house Frank. The criminal, yet unindicted, acts of Ted – I’ll-drive-off-that-bridge-when-I-come-to-it – Kennedy. The list runs on and on, with damn little in the way of improvement to be found anywhere. All of them lay claim to superior knowledge as to what is best "for the people." In reality they are nothing more than a disgusting and soulless herd of parasites sucking the life’s blood out of a once honorable nation. The founding fathers would have placed a bounty on their heads without hesitation.
Do me an’ the boys an’ America another favor will ya? STOP VOTING FOR THESE GANGSTERS! Run ‘em off, make ‘em give speeches to each other for the rest of their lives, banish ‘em to a leper colony or put ‘em on the next rocket ship to Mars, we really couldn’t care less. All we ask is that for the love of God and country, you make ‘em go away! Trust us on this, you won’t miss ‘em.
(In the interest of offerin’ a possible solution to this problem, as opposed to just whinin’ about it, we submit the followin’ for your consideration.)
People say to us, "Fellas, if nobody votes the government will shut down."
An’ we say right back at ‘em, "EXCELLENT! Absolutely bloody outstanding! That there is a Washington D.C. event we’d pay hard-earned, worthless Yankee dollars to witness. Before we start, we’d like to make a motion that when all the plant life is shipped out of D.C. they be forced to take all their dim-bulb showbiz friends an’ Godzilla bureaucracies with ‘em." How could anybody in their right mind object to that?
"What do we do then?" you ask. Simple. When you’ve washed all the dirt out of the pan, what remains is the gold. Every private citizen in America that wants to will be allowed to kick in a buck to be put in a general fund which will be divided equally among the candidates. That’s it for the campaign contributions. Our new representatives will be elected on the basis of their knowledge of the Constitution of the United States of America and the Federalist Papers. Anyone elected will swear an oath to God to not even THINK about any new federal laws until every one of them currently on the books is reviewed for Constitutionality. Should any of the newly elected officials violate their sacred oath, EVER, Biggun Stump will personally hunt them down and stomp the absolute crap out of ‘em!
Me an’ the boys like to think fishin’ is a good time to exercise the mind as well as the castin’ arm. Ya sure enough can’t get much thinkin’ done for yourself in front of an electric zombie makin’ machine or readin’ the latest state-issued fish-wrap gazette. Y’all take care now, hear.
June 5, 2000
Minority Mike, aka Michael J. Bates, can be reached at thunder_foot@hotmail.com, His wife, Margaret, helps him with the big words in the letters you write him.
