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Feeding the Feds
- Thread starter bestdefense357
- Start date
Eric of IN
New member
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Feeding The Feds
By Robert A. Waters - Posted: 06.19.00
They call me Brain. I work in a cluttered office off New Hampshire Avenue in downtown DC. My job is to figure out new ways to hustle money for the Feds.
I puff on a stogie. Couple years ago I met with some Southern governors, outlined a new strategy, and encouraged them to run with it. Then I sat back to see what worked and what didn't.
When Big Tobacco fell, I knew I was onto something. Once the media got it right (that the tobacco industry is evil and cigarettes a health hazard), the rest fell into place. Made it easy to convince a jury.
But Big Tobacco is just a blip on the radar screen of lawsuits.
Gun manufacturers are next. They'll be easy, too. We'll use the same strategy. Get the media to brand them the enemy, then take a jury into the projects and show 'em some confiscated Uzis. Can't wait to shoot down the NRA.
The genius of it all, of course, is to mount multiple lawsuits against a whole industry, not just an individual or company. Why didn't somebody think of that before?
The fast food industry's gonna break the bank for us. McDonald's alone has billions in cash. We'll tell those juries that every burger and fry they sell clogs arteries, then we'll produce a couple studies to prove it.
Hey, I like a Big Mac once in a while, but it ain't personal. It's business, they oughta understand that.
Big Liquor's next. You'd never know it from the media but lots more people are killed by alcohol than guns. Since Prohibition ended, Big Liquor's had a free ride. Until now. We've already got ambulance-chasers researching cases with juror-appeal.
Hey, Motown, get ready to rock and roll. Forty thousand innocent people are slaughtered every year in defective automobiles. Still, they sell those SUVs and pickup trucks. Anything for a buck. Hope they got some great insurance!
Guess who's next?
Newspapers!
If the Post and NY Times knew they were on the list, they'd change their tune about Big Tobacco and Big Guns. But those geeks will be easy. They glamorize militias and make instant heroes outa serial killers. Once a jury sees that they're responsible for Columbine, we'll bankrupt those print-thumpers.
Then we'll control them.
You see the real genius now? This isn't just about money, it's about power. Everytime we win a suit we become masters of that industry. Win enough lawsuits and the Feds will control all industry.
Television and movie producers are next. They oughta know the trash they put out is gonna influence weak minds to go out and kill people.
Then there's the high-and-mighty American Medical Association, purveyors of medical malpractice. After we win a few billion from them, we'll have those quacks howling for socialized medicine.
My motto is, "More bread for the Fed."
We might throw in a few more lawsuits before we get to the Grand Finale. Swimming pool manufacturers--too many kids are drowning. Mobile home manufacturers--tornadoes and hurricanes always rip those things to hell, they just ain't made right. Even the Southern Baptists and Catholics won't get off--don't they teach intolerance and hate that makes people want to go out and kill gays and abortionists?
But just look at the Grand Finale.
We're gonna sue the American Bar Association.
This is the most evil organization ever devised by man. Their members get murderers released so they can go out and kill again. And sometimes incompetent defense attorneys let innocent people get railroaded. And these lawyers steal more money than the IRS.
By the time we finish, we can reduce taxes by half.
NOT!
Well, I gotta go. I feel good.
I lock up my office and walk to my car. My Smith & Wesson .38 is in my pocket. Hey man, this is a bad section of town! I ain't got a permit, but I don't need one. Some freaky dude tried to rob me a couple months ago and I left that punk leaking from six holes.
No problem, though.
Couple thousand bucks later, DC's mayor had fixed it up.
See what I mean about power?
THE END
---------------------------------------------
There ya go...
Feeding The Feds
By Robert A. Waters - Posted: 06.19.00
They call me Brain. I work in a cluttered office off New Hampshire Avenue in downtown DC. My job is to figure out new ways to hustle money for the Feds.
I puff on a stogie. Couple years ago I met with some Southern governors, outlined a new strategy, and encouraged them to run with it. Then I sat back to see what worked and what didn't.
When Big Tobacco fell, I knew I was onto something. Once the media got it right (that the tobacco industry is evil and cigarettes a health hazard), the rest fell into place. Made it easy to convince a jury.
But Big Tobacco is just a blip on the radar screen of lawsuits.
Gun manufacturers are next. They'll be easy, too. We'll use the same strategy. Get the media to brand them the enemy, then take a jury into the projects and show 'em some confiscated Uzis. Can't wait to shoot down the NRA.
The genius of it all, of course, is to mount multiple lawsuits against a whole industry, not just an individual or company. Why didn't somebody think of that before?
The fast food industry's gonna break the bank for us. McDonald's alone has billions in cash. We'll tell those juries that every burger and fry they sell clogs arteries, then we'll produce a couple studies to prove it.
Hey, I like a Big Mac once in a while, but it ain't personal. It's business, they oughta understand that.
Big Liquor's next. You'd never know it from the media but lots more people are killed by alcohol than guns. Since Prohibition ended, Big Liquor's had a free ride. Until now. We've already got ambulance-chasers researching cases with juror-appeal.
Hey, Motown, get ready to rock and roll. Forty thousand innocent people are slaughtered every year in defective automobiles. Still, they sell those SUVs and pickup trucks. Anything for a buck. Hope they got some great insurance!
Guess who's next?
Newspapers!
If the Post and NY Times knew they were on the list, they'd change their tune about Big Tobacco and Big Guns. But those geeks will be easy. They glamorize militias and make instant heroes outa serial killers. Once a jury sees that they're responsible for Columbine, we'll bankrupt those print-thumpers.
Then we'll control them.
You see the real genius now? This isn't just about money, it's about power. Everytime we win a suit we become masters of that industry. Win enough lawsuits and the Feds will control all industry.
Television and movie producers are next. They oughta know the trash they put out is gonna influence weak minds to go out and kill people.
Then there's the high-and-mighty American Medical Association, purveyors of medical malpractice. After we win a few billion from them, we'll have those quacks howling for socialized medicine.
My motto is, "More bread for the Fed."
We might throw in a few more lawsuits before we get to the Grand Finale. Swimming pool manufacturers--too many kids are drowning. Mobile home manufacturers--tornadoes and hurricanes always rip those things to hell, they just ain't made right. Even the Southern Baptists and Catholics won't get off--don't they teach intolerance and hate that makes people want to go out and kill gays and abortionists?
But just look at the Grand Finale.
We're gonna sue the American Bar Association.
This is the most evil organization ever devised by man. Their members get murderers released so they can go out and kill again. And sometimes incompetent defense attorneys let innocent people get railroaded. And these lawyers steal more money than the IRS.
By the time we finish, we can reduce taxes by half.
NOT!
Well, I gotta go. I feel good.
I lock up my office and walk to my car. My Smith & Wesson .38 is in my pocket. Hey man, this is a bad section of town! I ain't got a permit, but I don't need one. Some freaky dude tried to rob me a couple months ago and I left that punk leaking from six holes.
No problem, though.
Couple thousand bucks later, DC's mayor had fixed it up.
See what I mean about power?
THE END
---------------------------------------------
There ya go...