I like faster and lighter.....
In my .38 spcl I like Georgia arms 110 gr JHP+P's because I get good velocity, less recoil, and better follow-up shots. In my Taurus Model 605, Georgia Arms 125 gr SJHP's. This is a standard-pressure load that probably goes out at 1,200-1,400 FPS and I'll bet has excellent penetration/expansion. I've always had good luck with all Georgia Arms ammo and the added plus is that I can simply drive up to their Villa Rica factory and buy direct for cheap.
My experience with the heavier grained loads for the .38 spcl and .357 magnum is that they create heavy recoil and for a small self-defense revolver, I like to keep my barrel aimed on-target and not retrieve it from over my head.